Break-up & Cheating

Why staying single after a breakup can be the best thing for you


If you were in a relationship last year, it’s probable you’re among the many folks who’ve since become single on or around Dec. 11 – the most popular day of the year when couples call it quits.

Being single can seem scary at first but it isn’t something that should be feared, says matchmaker and relationship expert Shanny Tebb.  Instead, that time alone should be thought of as a positive moment full of opportunity and valuable growth.

I call it a dating detox, I always convince singles after a breakup to do one, where you just self-assess, do things that you’ve always wanted to do – like set new goals or reach ones you didn’t fulfill when they were in a relationship – and just look at themselves and see if anything needs to change or be improved. It’s taking a time out from everything, being on your own and on the way to feeling good again.

According to the latest numbers by Statistics Canada there were 14,357,875 single people in the country in 2016 – 53 per cent of whom were men and 47 per cent women.

Despite popular thinking, researchers at the University of Auckland found that singletons are just as happy as those who are paired up.

“Being single has traditionally been associated with poorer life satisfaction, but this research shows that is not the case for people who try to sustain relationships by avoiding turmoil or conflict,” Yuthika Girme, author of the study, says in a press release. “This study found that people who want to avoid conflict may feel relieved when they don’t have to manage the inevitable ups-and-downs of being in a relationship.”

But if you’ve been in a long-term relationship and out of the dating game for so long, knowing how to be single again can seem like a difficult concept to grasp. When is it time to break up? 15 signs you need to end the relationship right now.

Global News spoke with Tebb who talks navigating the single life and makes a case as to why flying solo for a bit may be the best thing to happen to anybody.

The stages of breakup grief

Whether it was an amicable decision or not, the period following a breakup is an important time where both parties must cope with the loss in order to move on. This often includes going through certain feelings and emotions that are completely normal.

You go through different stages before you bring it all back to yourself. You might ask what you did wrong but really you should be looking at what you learned from the relationship.

The first stage is denial that the relationship ended, followed by defensiveness – putting up a tough front in an effort to keep your feelings hidden from everyone else – and then anger (towards the other person).

Next is the breakdown where you become emotional and your confidence takes a hit.

Lastly is reflection and acceptance. Once you step back, remove yourself from the situation and see the bigger picture, that’s when you’ll come to the realization that it was all for the best.

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The Founder of Hisparadise, a relationship counselor. Johnnywriter has covered topics related to depression, anxiety, and relationships. With an understanding that there is never too much information and helpful research about relationship problems in all of its forms, He continues to look for new and creative ways to both start discussions & engage with others about these important topics.