What I learnt after my first break up in college

 

This is what I learnt after my breakup in college.What I learnt after my first break up in college

‘’You shouldn’t make me feel this way, I’m broken and needed to be fixed, this is the time I need you the most, I love you, I need you, please don’t go I need you now more than ever’’ this was my last message to her.

I dated one of the most beautiful girls in my school days, it wasn’t easy having her as my girlfriend but at the same time I knew she didn’t really love me but because I was madly in love with her, I was blinded and not able to see that this relationship is nothing but one-sided expectation. One thing about love is that if its one sided it can destroy but if mutual it can create an endless beginning with beautiful memories.
This was my worst breakup back then and though it took years to get over her, I knew I definitely going to get over her someday which I did.

How did I get over her and what did I learn from this breakup, well, I will tell you everything you need to know about it.

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She was this calm kind of girl, different from who I was, I was popular in school because of football so having a beautiful girl as my girlfriend really boosted my ego but mind you, I didn’t think of this before trying to have her. After much effort she finally said yes to me and we started dating. This relationship wasn’t as I expected, it was as if I was the only one who needed to make out time for our relationship, I was the only one who always wanted to do all the things in the relationship as if I was dating myself, well, I sure was dating myself because any relationship that is not mutual then there’s always a big problem.

I did everything to make sure I made her happy but she wasn’t. all she could do was to appreciate me and feel happy that day but after two or three days she would go back to her usual self as if I needed to always do something for her all the time in order to make her happy. One thing about love is that when you love someone you automatically become happy when they are happy and sad when they are sad, it’s a beautiful thing about love but the worst part of this is that if its one sided it can destroy you mentally and cause damage that will take a longer time to repair if you have a strong mindset to which in most cases isn’t an easy thing to do.

READ MORE: 10 Mistakes you shouldn’t make at the beginning of a relationship.

Well, I didn’t mind but continued to make her happy. Deep inside of me I knew I wasn’t happy but because of love I didn’t care. The reason why I felt that way was because I didn’t know my worth, I didn’t value myself enough to recognize that relationship is a mutual agreement and expectation.

During my third year in school, I experience something that changed my life forever both positively and negatively. During my second semester we had issue although each time we have issue it affect me a lot because I was so emotional and I wasn’t in control of my emotions. I tried to explain myself but she didn’t listen to me. Well, she broke up with me and that moment I was emotionally traumatized. This was during my exams and I couldn’t read, I was damaged inside. I tried my best to concentrate but couldn’t. each time I want to read I keep thinking about her, I dropped a lot of messages for her but she read and ignored, no response from her and I became more damaged inside. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, I kept it inside of me.

At the end of the exams, I knew I wasn’t doing well, when the results came out, I failed few courses, yes that’s right. During the summer I promised myself I was going to get over but when I got back to school and saw her even from a distance the whole feelings popped out again and I became miserable again. When I tried to let her go, I see myself going after her so one day I stopped dropping her messages on social media and I was away for some days then all of a sudden, she messaged me, oh my… I jumped up and I replied immediately. Well, it was an emotional trap. I got back to my mess again.

We need to understand that only we can give that power over to other people to control our emotions. I keep on giving her the power to control me emotionally, I was like a slave in her world because I prioritized her over everyone else, myself included.

My life was miserable and I didn’t even notice. Well, after much begging we got back together. I thought I was doing the right thing but I didn’t know that I was giving her more power over me in all aspect, I was giving her my life instead of owing my life and living it the way I want to. This time around I thought it was going to be perfect and I really went extra mile to make her happy. Well, she was doing that too but in a very dramatic way. Have you ever been in a situation whereby you decided to reciprocate not because you love him or her but out of pity? Yes, that was exactly what she was doing.

In relationships today, a lot of partners are not giving out of love but out of pity in form of reciprocating another person’s genuine love in an act of giving. she was doing it so I won’t feel unloved.
When I came to realized that I was betrayed was when my family had financial issues and divorced popped out from nowhere, I was down in school knowing that my family was going through hell, I tried to hold myself in school but I couldn’t. this was when I needed her the most. I told her what my family was going through and how I was feeling, she told me everything was going to be okay (yeah sure, that was the last word of encouragement I received from her)

READ MORE : The benefits of being single

Sometimes we need to understand that when someone truly loves and cares for you, they always going to be there for you no matter what. Even when you don’t want them to be there, they will always give you one reason why they should be there and that’s because they love you enough not to let you face the storm all by yourself. That’s what true love is all about.

After days I didn’t see her message or calls, I realized I was alone in a ship meant for two people. I called her and messaged her but this time around it was over. I almost died. I messaged her the last time saying

You shouldn’t make me feel this way, I’m broken and needed to be fixed, this is the time I need you the most, I love you, I need you, please don’t go I need you now more than ever

Getting over her was difficult, that’s why I invented these 6 ways to let go of someone who treats you badly

Even after break up I realized I needed to be alone for a while before I could get into a relationship again. Staying single after breakup was the best thing I could do for myself. I was able to work more on myself, my emotions and my financial intelligence. I realized that I needed nobody to make me feel valuable, all I needed was myself.

I realized that I was emotionally being cheated on. A lot of people are in this situation but they don’t know that’s why I explained what emotional cheating is and 5 signs to help you know what emotional cheating really is.

I know what you might be thinking about my experience but the truth is, we all need to experience something so we can become better teachers and until you experience it you just a student who sit in a class room waiting for his or her teacher to start lectures.

READ MORE: What is Emotional Cheating? Five Signs to Help You Know

I want you to know that you don’t need anyone to fix you when you are broken.

In all the seminars have been to, I keep telling them one thing and that is

The one who broke you can’t be the one to fix you’

Until you realize and understand that you are number one and the most important asset you won’t realize how much valuable you are.

I learnt that true love is not something you ask and beg for; it comes freely without having to beg for it.

READ MORE: Why staying single after a breakup can be the best thing for you

I also learnt that no matter what happens in our lives we can always start all over again.

I hope this article will help you in one way or the another so you won’t be a victim of love. Feel free to contact me anytime.

 

About the author

A counselor, Life coach and a friend who's ready to listen and provide answers to your questions. His priority is helping people realize their self worth and be strong emotionally. As an editor, contributor, and writer for over 100 online publications Johnnywriter has covered topics related to depression, anxiety, stress, grief, various phobias, relationships and difficult family circumstances. With an understanding that there is never too much information and helpful research about relationship problems in all of its forms, He continues to look for new and creative ways to both start discussions & engage with others about these important topics.

2 thoughts on “What I learnt after my first break up in college”

  1. Pingback: 15 Solid Ways to Move On When You Still Love Your Ex » Hisparadise

  2. Pingback: Who Should You Share Your Feelings With?

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