The Spider That Is, Marriage

...my jollyhearts, if you haven't quite thought it through, then you really should3 min


It is such an “awwn” moment walking down the aisle and exchanging those vows that relatively condemn you to be with one person for the rest of your life. That sounds very much like misery, doesn’t it? Either way, I really don’t mean to sound like a spoilsport, killjoy nor be the figurative “wet blanket”; yet I’d be remiss if I don’t keep it real with you by telling you that you are walking into one of those storms with names, Hurricane Katrina for instance, and, you’re doing it with your eyes wide open or literarily shut.

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I feel really sorry for you both.
But of course, it’s become cliché that marriage ain’t no bed of roses. So I couldn’t put it mildly enough (even if I tried) by telling you that it’s actually a bed of thorns. So amigos, are you really ready for all the pricking? Because, it’s really going to hurt I assure you.
So now that I’ve gotten your attention, let’s nosedive down the beautiful sewage called marriage with our rakes and spades, shall we?

ACCOMMODATION, ACCOMMODATION, ACCOMMODATION!

Recently in the Northern part of Nigeria, a marriage between a rich young couple ended very much as quickly as it started over accommodation problems. Seems such a fickle thing, right? Well, I couldn’t agree with you more. Just a minor disagreement between the bride’s father and the groom over the former’s discomfort at the standard of the apartment the groom had arranged to live in with his wife. Obviously, the man felt he hadn’t done enough. Therefore with the groom standing his ground by refusing any suggestions from his father-in-law on the matter, the man marched his daughter back home with him.

Marriage over!

So, you will need to sort such issues out with your partner at some point. Especially in a situation that your partner lives in a different town, city or even country; one of you must be under the compulsion or need to relocate. Thus, however you both handle all that will be key.

RELIGION AND SPIRITUALITY

I cannot even begin to emphasize on the impact this can have on your union. In the event that you and your partner are of different religions, possess divergent religious views or perhaps, you are of the same religion but diverse denominations. It could get even trickier if one or both of you holds pivotal positions; then you have a situation on your hands. The other party might grumble and even start some drama simply for being asked to jump ship. Hence, these issues have to be managed with a great deal of care. Moreover, if you’re married to a very spiritual partner who adheres strictly to their fate: special prayers, compulsive or impulsive fasts, other periodic forms of abstinence etc then at some point something will have to give.
It’s no joke, my friend.

HABITS/INDULGENCIES

Habits or indulgences are character traits that one who has become used to performing them can’t do without. There are a plethora of habits or addictions that people form thereby becoming subjected to them such as: nagging, flirting, masturbation, drug abuse, violence, sleep walking, excessive social media/phone use, pornography, cheating, alcoholism, smoking, snoring etc. These habits don’t just stop because of a wedding band on your finger. No! These unwholesome practices actually follow us into marriage.
According to Everyday Health, “Addiction on any level – social media, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping or gambling – can sour a marriage fast”.
“Your addiction quickly becomes a third party in your marriage,” says Lisa Bahar, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach, California.
These acts pose a lot of problems in your marriage, so it becomes pertinent that you put an end to them very quickly if your marriage will make any meaningful progress.
So stop, and think about what you really value and how your addictive behavior is affecting your relationship, Bahar recommends. “Exploring your values will help you gain the determination to do the hard work to repair your marriage.”
That being said, addictions are obviously powerful and therefore shouldn’t be treated with levity. You must first desire help and then seek counselling without delay.
“Once you are on the road to recovery, you’ll be in a position to work on your marriage,” Bahar enthuses.

ATTITUDE

Interpersonal behaviour is vital when relating with your spouse. Now that you’re married, you’ll probably be seeing each other a whole lot more than you’re maybe used to. This means that you’ll be dealing with each other’s challenges daily and nonstop. Attitudinal issues will be inevitable as those moodswings will inevitably creep in giving rise to much desired quiet moments. These are the periods that will make you entirely shut your partner out (snobbery). Other temperamental behaviours in the manner of bickering, yelling, to mention a few are close relatives. So, it’s these kinds of moments that you’ll need to contend with, handle or sort out with your significant other, believe you me.

CHORES

Now that you’re married and consequently living together; over the few following weeks you’ll need to decide on who handles certain chores if not all of them. Such chores as groceries, dishes, cooking, general sanitation, washing the car etc will need to be sorted. Some partners regard it a hugely essential that chores be shared for efficient running of the home; hence the need for involvement for you both. These discussions could put a mental strain on the newly weds and could begin to create those frictions that invite bitterness into the home they’re about to build. Ironic, isn’t it?

So my jollyhearts, if you haven’t quite thought it through, then you really should. Because, those “awwn” moments could very quickly become “ouch” moments.

Thanks for reading.
Do be kind enough as to share this post and your thoughts as well.

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The information contained in this post is for general information purposes only. The information is provided by the Author of Hisparadise with post title '' The Spider That Is, Marriage '' and while we endeavor to keep the information up to date and correct, we make no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability or availability with respect to the website or the information, products, services, or related graphics contained on the post for any purpose.


Kenneth Chimezie
A relationship guru and expert relationship therapist

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