Please i really need a good advice on what to do…My bf and I broke up few weeks ago. His best friend offered to come over and comfort me. One thing led to another because I needed someone badly and I didn’t know how it happened. After one week my boyfriend called and decided to come over, after a long talk we settled and Now my bf and I are together again. The problem is He considers this guy to be a brother and a friend. Should I tell my boyfriend that I slept with his best friend a week ago?
Please I need your advice. I came across this site on Facebook and I hope I can get what I want.
18 thoughts on “Should I tell my boyfriend that I slept with his best friend?”
Should I tell my boyfriend that I slept with his best friend? My bf and I broke up. His best friend offered to come over and comfort me. One thing led to another. Now my bf and I are together again. He considers this guy to be a brother.
Yes you should tell your boyfriend that you have recently had sex with another guy in the last ____^ days. You fill in the blank with the correct number. We are not talking years before you broke up and slept with a dude. We are saying something like a matter of days. He should have a right to walk away if he chooses to do so.
Secondly do you know how old this trick is? The dude who used you like that needs a BEAT DOWN. Do you women not understand these man dogs will TAKE DAM NEAR ANY WILLING VAGINA? Did this man dog ask to marry you because he was SO IN LOVE? OR WAS THIS DOUCHE JUST getting some free vagina? Historically this has happened a billion times. To think it still happens boggles the mind. That guy needs a neck, face and arse adjustment for being a dog and refusing to say no to free vagina. It’s not like he could not refuse or say no to you. Did you have a gun on him threatening his life? No that is what everyone expected. How do women still FALL for this BULL?
You already know any man with balls will have issues with this. You being suckered into some ancient Roman seduction method. And then we have the soon to be hospitalized ex friend for even pulling the ancient Roman seduction method off on a woman in 2019. Both deserve judgment because of the game. One because you are bad at this game. Two The game is so old like before there were boats to cross waters guys were getting laid off of this method. This is obviously an attempt to get laid and you still fell for it? Come on. How could you say with a straight face this will never happen again? It didn’t seem to take much for ole boy to get in between your legs. This doesn’t mean you cant change. You can but dont fall for such bull attempts from a guy who only wants to get laid. Women who fall for guys like that get labeled as you know. The other factor is most guys are like that douche today. Very few legit men today.
If you can avoid telling your boyfriend without actually lying about it, that’s what you should do. But never lie about it. Telling him might releive your conscience, but at the cost of his happiness. He may well forgive you, but I doubt he would forget it.
You didn’t say why you broke up with him in the first place. Or why you got back together. It sounds like at least one of you is unsure about the relationship. Which make me think the relationship is unlikely to work long term anyway. Add telling him about your fling to the equation, and it will be an even shorter one. Plus he will lose a best friend along the way.
Other people answering here are concerned about your conscience. I’m not so worried, because you either feel you did a bad thing, or you don’t feel it was a bad thing, but you know he will see it as bad. If you feel you didn’t do a bad thing, then conscience is not an issue. If you do feel you did a bad thing, then I’m afraid your penance is having to live with that in silence. Because telling him will hurt him, making it a second bad thing you’ve done.
If, as I suspect, your relationship is not going to last too long (because people that break up rarely end up spending the rest of their life together). Then still keep quiet about the fling. Losing a girlfriend is bad, losing a best friend as well is doubly bad.
If you do want to have a relationship with his best friend, you need to have some rules to be able to appear like a decent caring human. Same goes for the friend. You should make him wait an appropriate amount of time before starting a relationship with him, and no cheating in private before then.
If he’s really that keen, he’ll wait a couple of months. Then you need him to clear it with your by-then, ex boyfriend. Otherwise they’ll both lose a best friend. You might be worth it, but why cause unnecessary pain.
The friend should appreciate your kindness and empathy for everybody, it may even make him like you more, if that’s what you want. If he doesn’t want to wait, then he may not be the kind of guy you want to be with.
In summary, do not lie, but avoid causing harm. Simple rules for life, and it means if you are caught out, you can show that you made a moral judgement to limit the pain for all.
If this was a secret which wouldn’t impact his decision to stay with you, I’d probably argue to keep quiet, and if you couldn’t handle it, break up with him. This is an important bit of info you’re withholding though.
You didn’t cheat on him, but it will probably feel that way to him. It will feel like a betrayal from both you and the friend. He’ll claim you did it to get back at him, or that you always secretly harbored feelings for his friend (emotional cheating). It will hurt and he’ll get mad. He may even break up with you again. But it will only get worse as time goes on. The pain will be worse, and the reaction will be worse.
This is one of those secrets that doesn’t stay a secret. The friend is still going after you, and the guilt is getting to you. Someone is going to talk, whether to brag, releave guilt, or to insure silence from the other party. Someone else will be told or over hear and the story will get back to him eventually. Do you want someone else to tell and potentially make it sound worse than it was, or do you want to to tell him sooner rather than later to salvage what parts of your connection you have left?
Sit him down and tell him what happened. Don’t lie. Be prepared for the worst and welcome the best he has to give in response.
Remember to deliver the information in the correct order, because once the secret is out, he could react before you have the chance to defend any actions.
Something like this would work:
“I’m glad that we’re back together.”
“You’re the only person I want to be with.”
“When we’re broken up, I was really sad and looking for comfort.”
“And before we even talked about getting back together, I slept with someone.”
“It was just the once.”
“It was with someone you know.”
“It was [friend’s name].”
Start with “I slept with [friend], and he’ll be off thinking you’ve been cheating on him for years, all before you get the chance to explain the predicament.
Things to leave out:
Leave out anything like saying, “it just happened”. Sex doesn’t “just happen”. You had a reason and a choice in the matter. Don’t deny it.
Don’t blame him for your actions. Saying things like, “you hurt me so bad I looked to your friend for comfort,” accuses the Bf as being at fault for you sleeping with someone else. Drop that talk.
It’s also a good idea to think of some solutions to inevitable issues he’ll have if you decide to work things out. He’ll be upset about further contact you have with his friend. Choosing to block the friend on media and your phone (maybe in front of your boyfriend) would be a good start. It’s not going to be okay with him that you’re still in contact with the friend. He’ll probably be pretty upset that you’re still communicating with the friend right now, let alone after you tell him what happened.
Prepare for fault and hope for the best.
My, why would you want to do a thing like that? If you are promiscuous and you boyfriend didn’t know it may be time to spill the beans. If you just had a fling this one time and you have reformed your thinking, you might want to be quiet about it.
On the other hand, your boyfriend’s best friend may want to be a friend and tell your boyfriend what happened and the jig is up for you. It’s something to consider.
Are you angry at your boyfriend for something and you are thinking telling him the details of your affair would be a great way to get even?
It isn’t unusual these days for young people to experiment with multiple partners so they can eventually settle down with the one who they believe will make the best life partner. There are complications such as the dilemma you find yourself facing now.
Make your choice that seems to lead to the least number of complications and accept that there are going to be powerful feelings involved, whatever you decide. The end results are because of decisions you made earlier. Accept the consequences and move on.
Yes. It’s on YOU to tell him ow that you are his GF. Had you been broken up, the next closest person in line was his Best Friend.
BASIC RULE OF THUMB; Your BF has every right to know which men in your life are people you were intimate with. You would expect the same from him. It doesn’t matter if it was with his best friend. Knowing if a woman or mutual friend that hangs around him or the both of you is someone he has slept with is 100% within your right to know.
The fallout of his friendship is between the both of them.
While technically absolved from wrongdoing, you will need deal with feelings of betrayal between you and him . It will haunt the both of you. You need to be clear and honest about your feelings toward his Best Friend (always had a crush on him, sexual desire, or was on your bucket list before you dated your BF, etc).
He needs to hear the absolute truth. Entrusting him with your most shameful secret regarding sleeping with his friend is how he know that you will chose your BF over those impulses in the futures. Dodging the real reasons will make him extremely distrustful and therefore corrupt your relarionship
If you don’t tell him could you live with the guilt?
If the answer is, ‘yes’ then you have to question the reasons why you’re in a relationship with him in the first place.
If the answer is ‘no’, then you have to tell him and take that risk, but at least you won’t be living a lie.
Either way … the truth typically ALWAYS comes out in the end. I don’t judge you for what happened .. sometimes we do crazy things when our hearts are broken because we try and get away from the pain of the situation we’re in .. unfortunately all actions have consequences. What’s been done is done and nothing can ‘undo’ it .. all you can do now is be honest and what ever consequence comes from being honest, you have to be prepared to accept. If you’re asking this question then you already know the answer and what you need to do. Be true to yourself .. there’s nothing more to be done.
i would tell you straight up…the answer is NO. men will never accept that and will never forgive you and it will conflict your entire relationship eventually if you tell him. it’s gonna crush your bf ego. i do not want to say this but it’s true..your “bf” is not your husband that he needs to know every single details on what had been going on in your life.
if you love your bf, just keep it between you and the bff and tell him to back off and that you love your bf. wait…the bff is still interested with you? he doesn’t love you, right? do you love the bff? if NO, then i don’t think that matters.
i personally think that there are things that should keep it that way and not to divulge it. being too honest is not good too. but!!! there is a but… but do not do it again…
Tell him now so that he doesn’t waste his life committing to people who really have no respect for him.
And the fact that his “best friend” is still pursuing you shows he’s not really a friend at all. So out of common decency that also should be communicated with him.
And sex doesn’t “just happen.” When it happens you have a strong desire to do so, but unless you’ve both undergone reverse evolution, you are two conscious human beings.
It seems a little selfish on your end – albeit being broken up, you chose the best friend and now you’re back together? You should have never gotten back together w your ex since what happened. I don’t think you need to say anything, don’t ruin their friendship by saying something but don’t be with either of them either. but I do think the best thing to do is to break up with your boyfriend and not be with the best friend. Because these kinds of secrets never stay a secret. Take this time to find yourself and who you are. I don’t think you want to be the kind of person who is okay with a situation like this. If your boyfriend slept with your best friend and got back together with you, I don’t think you’d ever be okay with what happened.
So you slept with your boyfriends best friend knowing its his best friend and your boyfriends best friend obviously knew he was sleeping with his friends boyfriend well your bf should should dump you and and reevaluate his friendships i have been the guy who consoles his friends girlfriends or talks to their friends girlfriends when their having a rough patch or whatever i never slept with my good friends girlfriends let alone my best friends girlfriend but you slept with your boyfriends best friend ok your boyfriend should dump both of you guys…weyre generation
Definitely tell him, he is going to know eventually, his friend will tell him, just imagine what he will feel then, gently tell him what happened, you were not together then, he will understand and maybe feel a little jealous and guilty of breaking up with you in the first place. And the most important thing, end it completely with the friend. It will be best for both of you that the friend is completely out of your lives. His presence will be an unnecessary complication.
Firstly, choose who you want to be with and then act accordingly.
If it is your bf, well it is going to be hars but spill the beans. What may happen is that this bestie of his who is dogging you right now might tell him what he did with you, call you a slut (all behind your back) and cause a horrible break up yet again. He may also continue his friendship and you will be heartbroken.
It is best to not build a relationship on lies.
If you can’t tell him something like that, then you look like the complete jerk in the end. You’re going to hurt him more if you don’t tell him. I don’t like confrontation of any sort, but you have to tell him. Think of this situation vise versa. How would you feel if he didn’t tell you he slept with your best friend? Karma is another thing you have to watch for too.
If it was cheating, I would suggest you tell him.
But because you were broken up, it is really not his business who you slept with. All telling him would achieve is making him feel bad when nobody did anything wrong and you were all consenting adults free to do what you liked. Part of breaking up is you do not have to be faithful to anyone. Telling him is like punishing him for breaking up with you.
I believe “honesty is the best policy” and that it’s a cliche for a reason. The Bible tells us the truth shall set us free.
If you aren’t honest with your boyfriend, this secret will always be hanging over your head, and you will always wonder if he’s going to find out.
If he truly loves you and this is a forever relationship, he will forgive you. If he doesn’t, then God has someone better for you!
Technically you dint cheat. However, the fact that your bfs bestie and you got intimate might affect your bf.
And also if the bestie is interested in you it will cause friction between two best friends in a long run.
Sort it out now. Tell ur bf about it. If you both still love each other he won’t leave you n nor will u.
Don’t attach a third wheel to your ride.
Honestly speaking I don’t get why we ladies still fall for this shit… Its too crazy, I don’t support cheating but even I u wanted a one night fling, or a shoulder to cry on… A stranger is the most appropriate… A complete stranger, honestly though u gotta tell ur man…. U might as well ve contacted a disease, nd I’m sure u wouldn’t want to pass it on to ur man…. As difficult as it may b tell him, I relationship was meant to last, this is the ultimate test. I wish u luck in whatever decision u make… I really wish u well
I suggest u narrate everything to him..if he loves u he will forgive though it will be very hard for him to forget. If u fail to let him know what happened his friend will one day n u know what’s involve, again u won’t be comfortable seeing him with dat friend of his bcuz ur mind will always cut . Secondly to make him know the kind of friends he keep and for u to enjoy a peaceful relationship.