The truth is, When a woman is in a relationship with a guy, it’s almost inevitable that she’ll ask herself, “Could he be the one? Is he who I’m meant to be with?” at some point.
I’m going to tell you something that usually drives people nuts when they hear it… and I’m going to bet that I’m not the first one to tell you.
“When you meet the one, you just know…”
So let’s first talk about this “just knowing” aspect of being with the one:
What does it mean to just know you’re with the one for you?
When you’re with them, your attraction goes beyond just excitement about having a relationship. It goes beyond just lust. It goes beyond trying to get them or get a relationship title.
There’s a quality of your relationship and how you interact that just fits… it just feels like “home” to you.
I’ve worked with and talked with people about their relationships for over a decade now and at this point, that amounts to thousands of men and women all over the world.
So when someone tells me about their relationship, I can almost immediately tell if it’s a relationship that will work out or not…
How can I tell whether or not it’s a relationship that will work out (with stunning accuracy, mind you)?
It’s all in the way they talk about their relationship.
If they have a good relationship with someone who’s compatible with them, their question and description of their relationship is pretty short and concise.
The doomed relationships are nearly always the ones where “it’s complicated,” and the person sends me a 10 chapter novel describing it themselves.
I can always tell the super-long questions are a disaster-waiting-to-happen because the writer is desperately hoping somewhere in the mountain of description there is some glimmer of hope or a sign that the relationship could somehow work…
The sad truth is that wanting something… even wanting something really really bad… will not make it so. Neither will worrying about it. Neither will trying really hard to “make it work”.
This sounds sacrilegious for someone who writes about relationships to write, but:
Good relationships fit, they make sense in your life and they have an effortless quality to them.
I’m not saying that they’re perfect, that they’re always exciting, or that they don’t take work.
However, I am saying that the following qualities in a relationship are major red flags to let you know that you’re not with “the one”:
- You don’t like yourself when you’re in the relationship. You feel insecure around him.
- You feel like you’re always chasing him, but never have him.
- You feel like you need to play games in order to keep him.
- He balks at the idea of love or being in love with you.
- He actively avoids, shuts down or dodges any conversation about a future with him (after being with him for several months).
- He doesn’t “get” you.
- He won’t (or says he can’t) be in a relationship with you for some reason…
So all of those are major red flags to tell you he’s not the one.
So, is he the one?
So, use this list of 18 simple but undeniable signs he’s the one to find out for yourself if you’ve finally found the right guy.
You’re completely comfortable with him.
You can be the real you when you’re with him. You’re not ashamed of showing your just-woke-up face and he’s also comfortable with it.
He tells you you’re beautiful even when you feel ugly. He still finds you attractive even when you’re in pajamas. And, most importantly, you don’t feel like you need to pretend to be someone else when you’re with him.
He supports your dreams.
He doesn’t stop you from reaching your dreams, even if it means he’ll have to make some sacrifices.
Whether you have to be physically apart from him for while because of work or you can’t watch his favorite series with him for a few weeks or months because you have to study, he finds ways to make sure you feel like he’s still there. He motivates you to reach your dreams and supports you in any way he can.
He talks about you often.
You may not always know when he’s talking about you, but if your mutual friends tell you he tends to do so whenever you’re not around, then you’re one lucky girl, and he may be an especially good match for you.
Not all guys have the guts to talk to their friends about a girl, and if he does, it’s usually because he’s completely into her.
He loves spending time with you, even if you only have a few minutes.
Does he surprise you with a cup of coffee in the morning before work? Does he bring you flowers at unexpected times of the day? Does he send off a short text message reminding you to eat lunch because he knows you sometimes forget?
If so, it’s a sign he may be the one, because, for him, taking time out of his own busy day to see you, spend time together, or let you know he cares is obviously a priority for him.
He sees you as his best friend.
He tells you everything! He can laugh with you, dance with you, sing out of tune in front of you, and even cry in front of you. He shares whatever is going on in his life with you, both the good news and the bad.
He cheers you up when you’re sad and celebrates with you when you’re happy. If you treat each other like a team, do not ever let go of that person. Losing him wouldn’t just be losing true love, it would mean losing your best friend. He loves your family and your family loves him.
He genuinely wants to get to know your family. He respects your parents and tries to blend in whenever he’s at their house. He values family, so he won’t ever make you choose between him and them.
Your family also likes him. If they tell you he’s a good match for you, that’s a telling sign he’s probably the one.
He’s honest and doesn’t feel a need to pretend around you.
Sometimes guys can be disingenuous and claim they like what you said or what you did just to get you into bed. But while they seem enthusiastic about your hobbies and pursuits at first, over time you may realize their interest was feigned because they were just pretending to be what they thought you wanted.
The right guy will be honest and authentic with you from the start. He won’t pretend to be interested in things he isn’t. He’ll do his best to try to some of the things you love — not because you’re forcing him to, but because he wants to be connected with you.
He’s endlessly curious about you.
You may have told him everything about you, but he still asks a lot of questions to keep getting to know you better. He’s interested in the tiniest details about you, from your favorite grade school teacher to your most embarrassing memory to anything under the sun!
He’s not jealous of your exes.
He’s not just a good match for you, he’s an emotionally mature and available adult. He’s comfortable talking about your exes. Knowing about your past relationships doesn’t bother him because he trusts you.
He takes note of the things you like.
He makes an effort to find out what you like, whether it’s your favortie kind of chocolate, flowers, or perfume, and he tries his best to surprise you with things he knows you’ll like.
He accepts you for who you are.
He doesn’t bring up the past or judge you for your previous mistakes. He accepts you just the way you are. He doesn’t try to change you. Although change is important if you’re changing for the better, he’s doesn’t manipulate you to change habits he doesn’t like.
If he stays calm and is willing to talk things out when you do mess up, it’s a good sign he’s the one.
He makes you laugh, and he can also be serious with you.
There’s a balance between humor and seriousness in your relationship. He can make you feel silly and happy, and can also make you feel secure.
There are no boring times when you’re with him, and he always does his best to be there to comfort you when you need him.
He’s a positive force in your life.
It can be toxic to be with someone who always sees the negative in things. If he’s someone who constantly rolls his eyes and complains about how everything sucks even when things are going pretty well, you may better off without him.
If he’s someone who can help you see the positive in even the toughest situations, he may be the perfect guy for you.
You’re compatible in bed.
You have this unexplainable chemistry. From how the types of kisses you share to what happens when the lights go down, if the two of you are on the same page in the bedroom, it’s definitely a good sign.
He’s not jealous of your guy friends.
Let’s be real, most women have some good male friends, and most guys have some good female friends. If he gets that instead of getting jealous, it’s a sign he may be a good match for you.
He doesn’t go to sleep mad.
Misunderstandings happen. If believes issues should be addressed and resolved as soon as possible, and therefore tries his best to make things right before you call it a night, that’s a good thing.
If the guy in your life doesn’t want either of you to going to sleep feeling disappointed or ending the day without making amends, he just might be the one.
He talks to you often — about everything and anything.
According to Relationship expert Favour Akpan “if a man talk to you about everything then he loves you” (Read her blog on relationship advice for women at Favourakpan) He loves listening to your stories and sharing his own stories as well. If he enjoys talking to you and tries his best not to let a day will pass without hearing your voice, it’s a sign he might be the one.
He has a vision of your future together.
If he’s the one for you, he won’t play games. He can share his vision with you very clearly. He’s open and honest with you about what he does and doesn’t want with you in the future.
He will tell you whether he’s imagined marrying you and having kids with you, or if he’s not there yet. He will never leave you guessing.
If you can spot all of the signs listed above in your relationship with someone, there’s a good chance this guy could be the one. Your perfect match is someone who loves and nourishes you inside and out, and someone for whom you do the same but if otherwise please read this 29 Guaranteed Signs He Wants to Marry You