You’re trying not to over-analyze what it means or doesn’t mean that he isn’t calling you but there is this nagging voice inside your head harassing you to find out the truth. So If He Doesn’t Call… Does That Mean He’s Not Into You?
You might even bring this issue up to your female friends, asking their advice and trying to get some clarity into why this is so confusing and how to get to the bottom of it once and for all.
First off all, let me just say… take a deep breathe and count to ten for a second. I promise you, everything is going to be OK.
I am not saying this to be rude or make an assumption; I just know how truly overwhelming it can be when you are in this kind of a position, wanting someone to do something that means something to you only to be left hanging, kind of in this limbo of trying to get an understanding of what is going on and where to go from here.
The key question here is, what stage of the relationship are you in?
If You’re In The Beginning Stages Of A Relationship
If this is the beginning stages where things are flirty, fun and not defined at all… maybe you just met, went on a great first date (or so you thought) and then of course since then even though he said he would call he has not once.
Or maybe you have been sort of seeing each other for a bit but never made things official and all of a sudden he has stopped calling you completely and even worse, might even be ignoring your calls!
You might be sitting there trying to figure out what on earth is going on, what does his lack of calling mean?
It depends. First of all, if he has not called and you just met or you are not that close yet, this could mean that he either forget, wants to play hard to get, is sort of interested but not interested enough to make the effort or is simply not interested and assumes you will get the hint
But if you have gone out of your way to call him… possibly even multiple times… and he has not even called you back and it has been a while since you made the call (since he could not be calling back because he is busy not necessarily ignoring you on purpose).
But if he has not called you back and a lot of time has gone by, the likely scenario is that he is simply not interested in anything with you, at least in a romantic sense. This is a hard but necessary truth to accept and to really understand. There is no use in holding onto false hope when things are not going to magically change.
You cannot force him to want to call you and even if you could, why would you want to? You should leave yourself open for someone who naturally is inclined to call you and who makes you feel special for who you are, without you having to try so hard and walk on eggshells always feeling as if you are doing something wrong yet not being able to figure out what exactly it is that he wants.
Now on the other hand, if you think you hit it off and he said he would call but never did and you have not called him… you can either leave it and not call, wait and see if he does and in the meantime stop obsessing over it (because obsessing will ONLY drive you crazy, make matters worse and end up creating needy behavior, which is an instant turnoff and something you definitely do not want to have happen) or you can call him up yourself. Now if you decide to call yourself here is a rule of thumb: call expecting NOTHING.
Even if he does not answer and you never speak to him again, be OK with this. Even if he answers and is rude, cuts the conversation short and seems indifferent to you.
It means NOTHING about you as a person. You must go into this fully accepting that an outcome you don’t like could easily happen. If you are OK with this and have accepted it, then you might as well make the call if that is what you want and just see how things are.
You never know… when you call he actually might feel dumb for forgetting to call you and the conversation will effortlessly pick up where it left off and he will be enthusiastic and glad that you are easy to talk to and not calling him to yell about why he did not call.
You can go with the natural flow of the conversation and just see where it takes you; if you approach it like this, you make it more likely that he will want to be around you more (and see you again) because you are going to be pleasant and refreshing rather than suffocating and demanding. So you really do not know the outcome unless you call.
In general, if you just met or are in the beginning stages and he is not calling it is normally not the best of signs but is definitely not the worst, unless you have already called him with zero response and total radio silence. If this is the case, move on and focus on men who like you for who and how you are.
If You’re Already In An Established Relationship
Now, another situation where a man’s calling habits come into focus are in relationships. So in a relationship, it is possible that he is simply comfortable with you now and feels no need to call.
What will determine whether his lack of calling is neutral (not good or bad), bad sign or simply a sign that means he is comfortable with what you have and feels no need to call.
Let’s delve into how often he calls (and whether he blatantly ignores your calls for long periods of time and might not even call you back.) If he is not even calling you back, this could be a problem indicating that he is losing interest in you and not in the mood to tell you how he feels because he does not want to deal with hurting you and is probably conflicted, too, about whether he actually wants to end it or is just going through a weird rut, so he leaves you in this weird limbo.
This situation is hard to deal with, I understand… the best thing you can do is have a real heart to heart with him. Not an accusation-fest, where you go off on him and vent all your frustration about why he hasn’t been calling you, how it means the relationship (or whatever you have) is doomed and how horrible he is for doing this to you, blind sighting you in such a cruel way without even having the guts to tell you the truth).
I could go on and on describing the variety of things women have expressed to me when talking about their relationships and how they deal with a man who stops calling (or in other cases texting, but I have covered texting in so many articles I’m not going to go into that here).
The point is… when you have a conversation with him, do not come from a place of blaming but rather one of understanding. Come from a place of listening, without any judgment or expectations of what he should or should not say to you. Do not go in assuming he is not interested anymore.
Assumptions are powerful and self-fulfilling prophecies are scarily real. What I mean is if you assume the worst, you can actually make that specific bad outcome you fear more likely to happen, whereas if you assume the best, you give yourself the best shot of things working out in your favor.
So as I was saying… come to the conversation from the kind of mental state I described and you will be able to truly get some kind of understanding into what is going on with him, what he feels about what you have and where to go from there. This will at least give you clarity.
If he stopped calling because he isn’t interested anymore, at least you will know and not have to sit wondering and waiting. Nothing is worse than wandering, waiting, hoping and wishing.
Nothing is worse than trying to grasp at straws for an answer, for a glimmer of hope that the next phone call is from him only to find it is a random telemarketer trying to sell you some imaginary medical device.
I am rambling but it is to make a point that once you know the truth, you can find true peace and OK-ness. When you find this state of being OK, you will not be focusing on whether a man is or is not calling. You will be able to live your life without living and dying inside each time you hear your ringer go off.
If A Guy Doesn’t Call Does That Mean He’s Not Into You?
The goal here should not be to make him call you and convince him to call you… if he is not naturally inclined to make the call, why would you want him to force himself to do something he does not even want to do? If he wants to, great. If he doesn’t, well, it can mean one of two things: 1) he is comfortable in the situation and simply does not feel the need to call as much or at all anymore 2) he has lost interest and can’t figure out the right time and way to tell you.
If you call him and he does not even answer your calls and never returns them, this is a huge indication that he is definitely NOT into you.
I hope this article helped you understand what it means when a guy doesn’t call, and whether that means he’s not into you or not. It’s a question I get asked a lot, and it’s really important because a lot of the time that a woman thinks a guy isn’t into her, he really is… but she’s unconsciously doing things that make him lose interest and make him pull away. READ THIS 4 Reasons Why He Doesn’t Call Back And What To Do