Am going to tell you the 11 Reasons Why You Need to Build Friendship Before Relationship and it’s a most. Think back, do you remember hearing these words over and over and not knowing what to do and feeling frustrated, mad, and going through a hard time accepting it?
In This Article
We are often caught between the reality, and what we want
What it means to be friends before dating
Friends first, then lovers
You can date other people
Building a friendship before dating
“Let’s be friends!” We’ve all heard it before.
They wanted to be your friend, but for some reason, you twisted and turned it and did everything you could to try to convince them that being friends was not what you wanted. You wanted a relationship. Take heart as it may not be another case of unrequited love.
Developing friendship before the relationship is eventually a good thing for both of you.
We are often caught between the reality, and what we want
After trying to convince them, you may have finally decided it was time to give up and walk away. Yet it took you a long time to let go.
Many people have been through this. Many people want to be with someone who doesn’t want a relationshipand only wants to be friends or just be friends before dating.
So is keeping a friendship before relationship good or bad? Let’s find out.
What it means to be friends before dating
Friendship is the first thing you need and very important when it comes to developing a relationship. Being friends gives you the opportunity to get to know the person for who they are and gives you the opportunity to learn things about them that you would not have learned otherwise.
When you jump into a relationship without being friends first, all types of issues and challenges may occur. You begin to expect more from the person and sometimes set unrealistic expectations.
By putting friendship before a relationship, you can easily decide whether they are the perfect one to date or not as there will be no pretense and more open space to talk about things that matter.
Friends first, then lovers
Why put so much pressure on someone because of your own expectations and desires? When you develop a genuine friendship, there are no expectations. You both can be your true selves. You can learn everything you want to know about each other. You don’t have to worry about pretending to be someone you’re not.
Your prospective partner can relax in knowing that they can be themselves, and not worry about if you’re going to ask about a relationship.
Developing a bond of friendship before a relationship may be better than just letting attraction get the better of you and discovering later that you can’t even be good friends.
You can date other people
When it comes to a friendship, there are no strings attached and you are free to date and see other people if you like. You’re not tied or obligated to them. You don’t owe them any explanations for the decisions you make.
If your prospective partner asks you to just be friends with them, take it in your stride, and give them just that. Give him friendship without expecting it to blossom into a relationship. You may find that being friends is for the best and that you don’t want to be in a relationship with them.
It’s better to find out during the friendship phase that you don’t want a relationship, instead of finding out later, when you have connected emotionally with them. Being friends before lovers also ensures that the initial infatuation wears off.
You are able to see the other person for who they are and also present your real self to them, which is an excellent foundation for a long-term relationship. In any case, friendship in such a relationship is also important to keep the cogs turning.
Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray did it (Lost In Translation), Uma Thurman and John Travolta did it (Pulp Fiction) and best of all Julia Roberts and Dermot Mulroney did it classic style (My Best Friend’s Wedding).
Well, they all placed friendship before relationship and their platonic bond worked out just fine. And it can happen just that way in real life too. Only if building a friendship before a relationship is a priority for you.
Building a friendship before dating
Being friends before dating is never a bad idea as it means that there is nothing superficial about the relationship. In fact, the chances of having a successful relationship also go up if you are a friend first.
But before forming a friendship before a serious relationship, you may have genuine confusion and questions like ‘how to be friends first before dating’ or ‘how long should you be friends before dating.’
Well, it all depends on what your initial chemistry is like and how it develops as you get to know each other. For some, the transition from friends to lovers happens within months while others may take years.
So, the next time they ask you to just be friends, consider saying okay, and remember that this is an opportunity for you to get to know them without being emotionally tied. It’s not the end of the world to put friendship before the relationship.
Though it’s not what you want or expect, there’s nothing wrong with being their friend and accepting that this is what they want. Many times, being friends is the best option.
Here are 11 reasons why accepting let’s be friends, is the best thing that could happen to you, because-
1. You get to know their real self and not who they pretend to be
2. You can be yourself
3. You don’t have to be accountable
4. You can date and get to know other people if you want
5. You can decide if being friends is better than being in a relationship with them
6. You don’t have to be under pressure to be yourself or be someone else
7. You don’t have to convince them to like you
8. You don’t have to convince them that you are the “One”
9.You don’t have to talk about entering a relationship with them
10. You don’t have to answer their calls or texts every time if you really can’t or don’t want to
11. You don’t have to obliged to communicate with them every day
BONUS. You don’t have to convince them that you’re a good person
The bottom line
Putting friendship before a relationship gives you the opportunity to be free, free to be who you are, and free to choose to be in a relationship with him or not.
Hopefully, after reading this, you will realize that “Let’s Be Friends” is not such a bad statement, after all.
I will tell you Why Keeping Secrets Will Destroy Your Marriage. There is a proverb that goes something like: Three things cannot be hidden long: the sun, the moon, and the truth. This holds true for marriages and relationships. We know things about our partners that we don’t even know that we know! After years of being together, we come to recognize all of their subtle signals – voice intonation, facial expression, body language, energy, mood, etc.
I once worked with a husband and wife (true identities disguised) whose marriage was perpetually in crisis. This is a telltale sign of broken trust between partners. They came to sessions angry or hurt by even small arguments or disagreements. The intensity of their reactions didn’t really match the situations.
They arrived at one session to therapy with the husband red-faced-enraged about his wife’s terrible parallel parking in front of my office. In turn, she spent the better part of the time ranting about his controlling and critical attacks on her. Good couples therapy is always looking for deeper, underlying issues that aren’t being acknowledged or expressed. And each question I asked her (and him) in an effort to understand them better was met with de-railing, subject changing, and gas-lighting.
Why Keeping Secrets Will Destroy Your Marriage
Keeping secrets in marriage is risky
Post by Johnnywriter
The unacknowledged secret between them was the affair she was having with their neighbor. By the time it was actually ‘discovered’, both couples had separated. My clients returned to therapy and, in the end, walked the long, hard road of repairing the trust and communication required to stay together (according to the Health Funding Research Institute, 31% of marriages do reconcile after infidelity is discovered).
Honesty and vulnerability are keys to a healthy relationship
Love is fed by the intimacy that comes with vulnerability and honesty. Writer and speaker Brene Brown, whose research has exposed the extreme value of vulnerability writes, “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection.” Keeping secrets in a marriage is a sign of mistrust and a clear form of disrespect. It says, ‘I don’t trust you enough to be my full self with you.’ Translated, this means ‘I have one foot in and one foot out of the marriage’.
Being real is critical
Sadly, even the strongest love can die. It is destroyed when it’s starved of the personal realness. That realness may be as big as our hidden cheating or addiction, or as seemingly small as holding on to an unspoken resentment. But until we are real about it, it festers like an untended sore. By avoiding the possible conflict or embarrassment that comes with talking about what’s REALLY going on, we kill the very thing that keeps love alive – vulnerability! The irony is that by keeping ourselves safe hiding behind our secrets, we inflict on ourselves even more catastrophic pain of losing the love that would make the marriage more secure.
How to be ruthlessly honest in a relationship
There are two essential actions to keeping our love thriving and alive – one with ourselves and one with our partners. First, we become ruthlessly honest with ourselves. This action allows us to become aware of what we are hiding and sounds simpler than it is. Over the span of even one day, if we really listen to our mind chatter, most of us spin our stories to justify our habits.
We tell ourselves things like, ‘I’m having that extra drink because I need to relax – you would too if you were married to such a nag.’ Or ‘If he listened better, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone else.’ or, ‘I hate it that he doesn’t make more money so, screw the budget, I’m buying that new jacket!’ Unless we become honest with ourselves, we don’t stand a chance of being honest with someone else.
Second, we must become willing, courageous, and humble enough to actually tell our husband or wife the truth about what we’re feeling, thinking, or doing that is dishonest. (Some people believe that telling a spouse about an affair will be too traumatic for the betrayed partner. This may be the best call, depending on the circumstances and people involved.) It takes a lot of personal humility to take responsibility for our secrets, lies, and betrayals, big or small. But the payoff is an eventual sense of safety, closeness, and true-life partnership for the duration of our lives together!
‘Will you marry me‘ are the four beautiful words you would want to hear from the person you love, Knowing the 20 Signs He Is Going to Propose to You Soon will help you calm your nerve, with whom you dream of spending the rest of your life. . (READ THIS: 29 Guaranteed Signs He Wants to Marry You ❤️)
So, when you’ve been in that relationship for quite some time, you start feeling, “It’s about time he put a ring on it!”
If you love him and even see him being the father of your kids, then getting a proposal from him could be the natural next step for you. (You can purchase our book on how to know his true intentions UNDERSTANDING MAN’S TRUE INTENTIONS)
But, it can be quite challenging to decipher if he has plans to pop the big question. Discerning the signs he’s going to propose is like detangling a Gordian knot!
How to riddle out your boyfriend’s proposal plans?
If you are on the lookout for the signs he’s going to propose, perhaps you have snuffled that something’s cooking up!
At the same time, you do not wish to make castles in the air and suffer embarrassment if your boyfriend has no such plans.
So, for unraveling the mystery, there are only two options. Either you talk to him directly if you are too anxious about the lingering suspense. Or, if you are in for surprises, you need to be alert to pick up on the cues.
Is he dropping hints he will propose?
Guys many a time prefer the indirect approach to propose or confess their deepest feelings. So, how to know when he will propose?
Well, if you are getting a vibe that he’s ready to propose to you, try to closely observe his behavior.
If you notice a sudden change in his behavior, find him nervous for no plausible reason, or any other kind of unusual demeanor, perhaps he is giving you signals!
Nobody but you will be able to decrypt these signals because the way of dropping hints will vary from person to person.
Only when you know someone too well you will be able to pick up on the cues and decipher if there is a hidden meaning behind them.
20 signs he Is ready to propose to you
20 Signs He is Going to Propose to You Soon
When you start looking out for the signs he’s going to propose soon; you might start obsessing over it. Every small thing would seem like an indication of a proposal.
So, how to know when he will propose?
Check out these telltale signs your boyfriend is going to propose to you, and get to know if your special moment is near!
1. He has developed a sudden interest in your jewelry
He needs your finger size; he can’t get a perfect ring without your finger size. So, he will start showing interest in your jewelry all of a sudden.
Moreover, he will start picking your brain about what type of jewelry you like.
Rings are big investments; he doesn’t want to mess it up, so he will keep at it till he gets all the information he can.
2. He has cut down on his spending
If he has changed his shopping habits from buying whatever he wants whenever he wants it to buying only what is critically important, then he could be saving up with the intention of surprising you.
When a man is ready to settle down, he plans and saves not just for the ring, but your future familial expenses. Financial planning is one of the signs he’s going to propose.
3. He wants you to open a joint account
If your boyfriend does not mind you having your finances in one place, then he definitely is thinking of making you his better half at some point.
The fact that he wants to jointly plan on how money is spent is a very good sign that a ring might be coming soon.
This is one of the crucial signs he’s going to propose to you and wants to settle down with you.
4. He officially introduces you to his parents, family, and friends
Is he about to propose?
A man who is not ready to commit will rarely take the initiative to show you off to his friends and family.
Well, if your boyfriend has taken that confident step, he will likely surprise you at some point.
This step does not mean that a proposal is imminent. However, the good news is that he is at least serious about you and may have even considered marriage if things work out.
5. He is making efforts to mingle more with your family
Once your partner has his heart set on proposing, he will make efforts to get close to your friends, family, and people you love.
If he suddenly starts getting cozy with your family, more so your father, then marriage may be on his mind.
This is one of the signs he is thinking about marriage, and therefore, he is trying to carve his place in your family.
6. He has become secretive without rhyme or reason
How to know if he will propose?
If your man does not want you to be part of anything he does when you’re together, and he is not cheating on you, then he may be doing some research on that perfect ring he wants to put on your finger.
He could also be making hotel bookings for the big engagement and does not want you to find out.
Secrecy isn’t all that bad if he is showing signs he’s about to propose.
7. He has started discussing marriage, finances, and your future together
One of the signs he’s going to propose is when he starts discussing marriage, finances, and the future with you.
If your boyfriend opens up a discussion about what your marriage expectations are and how financial responsibilities will be shared in the future, then it surely is a good sign that he is ready to spend the rest of his life with you.
You probably have got the answer to the question, “Is he preparing to propose”!
8. He is showing signs of wanting to get committed
The fact that your boyfriend’s friends are marrying and starting families could encourage him to take the plunge.
The admiration, fear of being left out, or been the odd one out could make him want to pop the big question. This is also one of the marriage proposal signs to look out for.
If you were arranging his closet and accidentally saw a ring is hidden somewhere, or even a receipt for a ring you have never seen before, then it is possible you just ruined the surprise.
According to the Knot 2017 Jewelry & Engagement Study, nine in ten grooms proposed with the ring in hand and actually used the words, “Will you marry me?”
So, if your boyfriend is a loyal one, this indeed is a sign that he is about to propose.
10. He is receiving many texts and calls from his family and friends
If you don’t have a birthday coming up, and it is not your anniversary, voila!
He could be making plans for the after engagement surprise party. This is a huge hint he will propose soon!
11. Your family is acting peculiar
There is a big chance that he is taking help, either from your family or friends. When it comes to proposals, guys don’t do it alone. They need help.
So be vigilant; if he is about to propose extravagantly, perhaps your family knows.
If your family is becoming secretive and peculiar, then they are probably helping him with his proposal plans.
All-knowing, secretive smiles, and the air of excitement is a big giveaway. Don’t go prodding for information, or you will ruin your own surprise proposal.
12. You find out he has been going to pre-engagement counseling
If he seeks pre-engagement counseling, it could be because he wants to confirm that he is making the right decision.
He may be seeking therapists to help in dealing with his unknown fears about committing to someone forever. This is not an ideal situation, considering he might have a mild phobia of commitment.
Nonetheless, it is one of the signs he’s going to propose to you.
13. He’s ready to let go of his ego
If your guy is the type that is used to quitting when things in your relationship become tough, but suddenly he is willing to compromise and listen, then his mindset is likely changing.
If so, then he could be thinking about settling down with you. It is a sign he’s ready for marriage; it is a sign he wants to marry you.
14. He is choosing to be with you more and more
When you have been with your man for a long time, you are aware of his routine. If that starts to change, something’s up.
When a man wants to really settle down, he will start to spend more time around his desired partner, choosing them over his buddies.
15. He has become overprotective about you
If you feel that your guy has started to act strangely of late or has become more possessive about you, perhaps he is planning to get down on one knee soon.
If he’s ready to propose to you, he might get uncomfortable if you are becoming too friendly with some other guy or if you make plans to hang out with other guys too often.
In this case, if he is serious about proposing to you, he is bound to get nervous and overprotective towards you.
16. He has started using the term ‘We’ instead of ‘I’
When you start to hear “We” in routine conversation, you can expect to hear wedding bells soon. His plans will be more about you and him both than him alone with his buddies.
This is a pretty small change, and if you aren’t looking for signs, you won’t realize this.
If you are obsessing about the proposal, start paying attention to his pronouns. “We” instead of “I” is a sure sign of him going to propose soon.
17. He is talking about having children
When do most guys propose?
If the guy you are dating has started discussing serious topics such as finances and having children, it certainly is one of the signs he’s going to propose to you.
According to the Knot 2017 Jewelry & Engagement Study, couples are candid in discussing important topics with their partners before getting engaged. As per the study, 90 percent of the couples discussed finances, and 96 percent talked about having children.
18. You got a feeling that the timing is perfect
You need to be very careful while you are figuring out this sign he’s going to propose to you!
If you have been dating for long, you both are on the desired career path, your friends and family approve of each other, and there’s no reason in the world to procrastinate your wedding, perhaps this is the time that you have been waiting for.
Your dream of walking down the aisle could soon come true.
19. He is suddenly too keen about knowing your plans
If you observe that your man has become too keen on knowing your plans about travel, work, or otherwise, perhaps he is trying his bit to surprise you to the best of his abilities.
He might be trying to make sure of your availability so that his plans aren’t ruined, and he can go about making the arrangements for the kind of proposal you have always dreamt about.
20. He has started enjoying others’ weddings more than before
Do you notice that your guy has surprisingly become too enthusiastic about attending the weddings? Do you feel that he has started noticing the intricacies of wedding planning like never before?
If yes, and if it is unlike the typical him, perhaps he is getting into the groove of going about the wedding proposal. If you notice his unusual interests like in the wedding dress, or the venue, or the wedding rituals, perhaps, these are the signs he’s going to propose soon.
BONUS. He is taking a keen interest in your beauty and fitness regime
If your guy is planning a prodigal wedding proposal with hundreds of people to witness the flight of fancy, your guy ought to become conscious about how the two of you look.
If you see that he has suddenly become too sincere about his gym routine, and he is encouraging you to join him regularly, or he is giving you unique spa or manicure packages, perhaps he is getting you dolled up for the big day!
How seriously should you trust these signs?
The aforementioned signs he’s going to propose to you are some of the commonly observed indications of a marriage proposal.
Nevertheless, how will he propose will depend on the guy’s disposition and the kind of relationship you share with him.
If your guy is the private type, he might prefer dropping subtle hints. If he is unsure about your response, he might prefer to keep the proposal a private affair or make attempts to know from your family and friends what you have in your mind.
If your guy or both of you are showboats, and he knows that you can say nothing, but yes, he will go down on his knee in front of a huge audience or make the proposal the grandest ever occasion.
Takeaway
Sometimes, it happens that a man keeps on showing signs he’s going to propose, but the day never seems to come. How to know if he will ever propose?
Well, if he is showing most of the signs he’s going to propose, then he will!
It takes time for anyone, for that matter, to muster the courage to ask for marriage. Some take more time than others. But it is okay!
You have to trust your instincts and wait for it to happen. You can also pop the question yourself if you can’t seem to wait or if you’re not convinced that he is showing signs he’s going to propose.
After all, you know your guy the best more than anyone else. If you are sure that your relationship is all about pure love, trust your partner.
So, whether you propose to him or he proposes to you, sooner or later, you are going to walk down the aisle with him in the best of your wedding attires, with beaming smiles on your faces.
It is the goal of every Christian to have the right Christian relationship that will eventually end up in a God-centered marriage and not just marriage. The question is, how will you know if your relationship now is the right one? Before you read this I want you to find out the 9 Clear Signs God Does not Want You to Give Up on Someone
If you want to make sure that you are in the right Christian relationship, you can look for these signs:
1. Your Relationship Aims To Make God Its Center.
The right relationship has one ultimate goal—and that is to put God at the center. Making God its center means seeing that all your aspirations, decisions, and activities together aim to please the Lord and follow His will. If you and your partner are regularly evaluating your relationship and discussing how to improve it according to God’s standards, then you are on the right track.
2. It Is Based On Biblical Principles.
If you and your partner study the Bible together and do your best to apply what you have learned into your relationship, you can say that it has a biblical foundation. A biblical relationship is pleasing to God, and it also blesses the people around you.
3. You Set Long-Term Goals That Are Pleasing To God.
For mature Christians, the main goal of dating is finding the right person to marry. If you and your partner are planning for your marriage, then you are on the right path. Other long-term goals that serious relationships focus on are improving your character and aiming for stability and maturity before settling down.
4. You Have Prayer Time Together.
An admirable Christian relationship will never be without prayers. Thus, if you and your partner have established a regular prayer time together, congratulations! You are doing great at striving to make God the center of your love story.
5. You Value Attending Church Together.
Another sign that you are in the right Christian relationship is you value fellowshipping with your brothers and sisters in Christ. You choose to participate in church activities rather than go out on dates. Therefore, you make sure your babe time will not conflict with church time.
6. It Motivates You To Be More Christlike In Character.
Christians aim to have a Christlike character. A godly relationship will help you transform your character to achieve this goal. So, if you and your partner have committed to correct each other’s mistakes and be teachable, you are in good hands.
7. You Support Each Other’s Ministry.
Another sign that you are in the right relationship is the support you have for each other’s ministry. Whether you belong to the same ministry or not, you are both supportive of what you do for God. You both understand that your private time together has to be lessened since you have to give time to your commitment to the church.
8. You Encourage Each Other To Have A Regular Quiet Time.
Christians know that having a personal relationship with God is essential in spiritual growth. Therefore, having a regular Quiet Time or devotion is essential for each person. It includes praying, studying the Scripture, and worshiping the Lord. Do you and your partner encourage and follow up on each other’s personal time with God? If yes, you can say that you are in the right Christian relationship.
9. You Strive For Sexual Purity Before Marriage.
The Bible discourages premarital sex (Deuteronomy 22: 13-21, 1 Corinthians 7:9). Therefore, if you and your partner are doing your best to stay sexually pure before marriage, you are really faithful Christians. Indeed, God is pleased with your relationship.
10. It Teaches You To Be Selfless.
As mentioned in no. 6, a godly relationship can help you pursue a Christlike character. Part of this is getting rid of selfishness. The right relationship will teach you to put the needs of your partner first. It will also teach you to be humble, especially whenever you have misunderstandings. In the long run, you will learn to be selfless around other people too.
11. It Motivates You To Improve Your Relationship With Your Family.
A good relationship will not cause you problems with your family. Instead, it will help you become a better son, daughter, or sibling. It is because your partner will do their best to earn the trust of your family. Part of this would be influencing you to treat your family better.
12. You Surround Yourselves With Spiritually Mature Friends.
If you and your beloved hang out with spiritually mature common friends, you are well-protected. These friends are your accountability partners who will check on your relationship regularly. They are also the right people to tap whenever you need advice for your relationship problems. You can also count on them whenever you need prayers and counseling.
13. You Keep Your Spiritual Leaders Accountable For Your Relationship.
Aside from good friends, it is also important for a relationship to be guided by spiritual leaders. They can be your pastors, life coaches, or Bible study/small group leaders. Keeping them accountable for your relationship is healthy because you can have counselors, prayer warriors, and rebukers whenever needed.
14. There Is Grace And Forgiveness In Your Relationship.
Christian relationships are also far from being perfect. It is still possible for you to commit mistakes. However, if you and your partner treat each other with grace, just like how God treats you, that sets the difference. Grace allows you both to forgive each other whenever one of you makes a mistake. Thus, your relationship can last long and start anew no matter what happens.
15. There Is Respect, Fidelity, And Accountability.
Of course, the fruits of Christlikeness must be evident in your relationship. As a result of the change of your characters, you and your partner should be able to respect each other’s differences. It will also give you the strength to stay faithful to each other despite the temptations around. Moreover, the two of you should be able to take accountability or responsibility for your relationship.
BONUS. It Inspires You To Strive For Excellence In Everything You Do For God’s Glory.
The right Christian relationship will mold your mindset. The gratitude you have for God for your blessed relationship will make you want to worship Him through your life. Therefore, together with your partner, it will be your goal to give your best in everything as a way of honoring God.
CONCLUSION: Pray For Your Relationship
If your relationship does not exhibit all the signs yet, but you and your partner are trying to make things right before God, do not lose hope. You do not have to give up on each other right away. Instead, you can use the abovementioned signs as guides to improve your relationship. Of course, it will take two to tango, so you better discuss them with your partner.
Moreover, prayers will really play a big role in the process of your relationship’s transformation. The more frustrated you are with your relationship, the more that you need to pray for it. Make it a habit to pray for your relationship earnestly. You can also ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to pray with you. Prayers coupled with efforts are undoubtedly effective to help you have the right Christian relationship.
Loving someone is easy, but letting go is hard and Indeed, it is not easy to know whether God wants you to hold on to a relationship or simply give up on it. First of all, your judgment could be clouded by your emotions. Thus, you could not be sure if it is God telling you what to do or it is simply your heart.
So, what are the indications that God does not want you to give up on your partner? How can you say that He wants you to stay in a relationship and fight for it?
You can check out the following signs to help you decide:
1. You Have No Peace With The Decision To Give Up.
Peace is one of the signs that you are doing the right thing. If you have a close relationship with God, the Holy Spirit is more likely to convict you whenever you are about to do something against God’s will. So, if you are not at peace with your decision to give up on your partner, maybe He is telling you to reconsider.
Of course, there could be other reasons why you are not at peace. It could be because you still love the person, and you are not ready to let go yet. For this reason, ask God for a clearer direction of His will.
2. The Person Asks For Forgiveness.
God, Himself, is willing to forgive us every time we sin against Him. He treats us with His grace. Meaning, He continues to accept us despite failing Him many times. Now, if God does not give up on us no matter how many times we have sinned against Him, how can we give up on the people we love so easily?
If the person who hurt you asked for forgiveness, it is a sign that God does not want you to give up on the relationship yet. If the individual sincerely confesses and apologizes for their mistakes, it means that they are genuinely repentant. Why not give them a second chance like how God gives you every time you turn back to Him?
3. You See Your Partner Trying To Change.
Each person has their negative traits. No one is perfect so expect that your partner will have flaws too. However, seeing their bad side should not be enough to let go of the relationship quickly. What matters is the effort of the person to be a better partner.
If you can observe that your partner is trying their best to change their attitude and habits, your patience is worth it. It is one sign that tells you that there is still hope for your relationship to improve. So, do not give up just yet.
4. You Still Love Each Other.
Do you and your partner still love each other? If yes, then the relationship is still worth fighting for. Why give up so easily when both of you still hope for the relationship to last? If it is because of problems, remember that no relationship is exempted from them.
If you have confirmed that love is still present between you, it could be a sign from God to hold on. Why not pray and ask Him for wisdom on how to save the relationship? If He is for your love story, He will help you keep it. Just surrender it to Him.
5. The Person Shows Relentless Determination To Succeed.
What makes you think about leaving the person behind? Is it because they do not have a high-paying job yet? Or are they unsuccessful in every way? If you would leave because you think you have no secure future with that person, then it means you do not truly love.
God wants you to love a person unconditionally. However, he also understands your need for security. If you can see that your partner continues to persevere despite previous failures, it is a sign of hope. As you continue to support your partner through prayers, encouragements, and any kind of help, trust that the person will succeed someday.
6. The Individual Is Depressed And Needs Help.
Do you want to leave your partner because they are currently messed up? If you truly love the person, that would be the last thing on your mind. The person’s situation should instead make you stay because you know the person needs help.
If your partner is struggling with depression, consider it a sign from God that He wants you to help them overcome it. That is what love is about—staying and helping a person up when they are down. If you cannot love your partner at their worst, what would make you deserving of their best?
7. You Were Able To Survive Many Challenges Together.
Has your relationship survived countless fights and other trials throughout the years? Have you ever thought you would break up several times but until now, you are still together? If you seem inseparable despite the number and intensity of challenges you faced as a couple before, why give up now?
Your past relationship victories signify that God does not want you to give up on your partner now. On the contrary, it looks like the challenges you go through are meant to help strengthen your relationship. Plus, they only intensify your love for each other.
8. The Positive Things In The Relationship Outweigh The Negative Ones.
Again, trials are normal in relationships. If you would focus on the problems, expect that your relationship will end soon. However, if you would focus on the good things in your relationship, you would find more reasons to keep fighting.
Try to evaluate your relationship now. Reminisce the happy memories you shared. Think about how you have helped each grow more mature. Are you ready to give them up?
9. You Are Still In The Process Of Healing.
If you have been hurt by your partner recently, it is normal for the thoughts of giving up to cross your mind often. Human as you are, you simply want the pain to go away. However, it is not the best time to make a decision.
If you have decided to forgive your partner, you should be willing to go through the healing process. Do not impulsively decide to give up on your relationship because of the pain or anger you still feel. Instead, pray about your situation and weigh things before you finalize your decision.
BONUS: Both Of You Still Want To Fight For The Relationship.
Another sign that you should not give up on your partner yet is the willingness to go on. This is in connection to no. 7. If you and your partner have talked about the desire to continue the relationship, then hold on. You are not done with your love yet. As long as there is a chance to keep it, why let go?
To help you go on together, pray for your relationship regularly. Then, surrender your love story to God and ask Him to help you make things right and resolve any issue. Ask Him for wisdom to become better partners.
Pray For Wisdom
Of course, these signs should not be enough to convince you to stay in a relationship. You have to pray about it earnestly. God will indeed send other ways to let you know His will about your situation.
All my life, have been seeing and noticing the characters of some men and Hey there! Do you want to live a life that is pleasing before God? In short, do you want to be a godly man as long as you live? If yes, how do you become one?
Let us first define what a godly man is. He is someone who strives to live according to God’s Word. Yes, it is more than being a good person. He bases his decisions and treats others according to the Lord’s standards. He seeks to understand godly behaviors and wants to live to please God. This man tries to become more like Christ every day.
If you want more detailed descriptions of a godly man, here are some of the traits you need to live out:
1. Always Puts God First
A godly man puts God first in his life, above anything or anyone else. It is the most important characteristic of a person who lives for the Lord. Putting God first involves seeking to live morally, even if it is not comfortable. For example, it can help a person set aside selfish desires, which can lead to sinning.
Moreover, a godly person asks God for wisdom and guidance in everything he does. Before starting his day, he prays and spends time reading the Bible. Then, for the rest of the day, he dedicates everything he does to the Lord.
2. Responsible
A godly man always takes his responsibilities very seriously. He believes that God has called him to be a leader, especially to his family. Therefore, he takes the initiative to oversee everything under his jurisdiction, such as at home. 1 Timothy 3:5 says, “For if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?” With the strength that God has given him, he always responds to the needs of the people around him.
How about when failures happen? A godly man never blames others because he always knows how to take responsibility for all his actions. He simply admits mistakes and tries to do better next time.
3. Humble
Humility is one of the most remarkable characteristics of a godly man. Such a person is not boastful and does not see himself as higher than others. On the contrary, he always surrenders his pride to God. Moreover, he does not exalt himself, no matter how good he thinks he is.
A humble man also knows how to admit his mistakes. When called out, he does not seek to defend himself. Instead, he accepts rebukes and corrections without hating those who criticize him.
4. Man Of Mercy
A godly guy is also a man of mercy. He shows compassion to everyone. Whenever he sees someone in need, he will do whatever he can to help. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”.
Also, such a person does not hold a grudge or bitterness against others. On the contrary, he is willing to forgive those who have offended him. For this reason, he will not hesitate to help even those who mistreat him.
5. Persevering
It is easy to give up every time you face challenges if you do not have perseverance. Nevertheless, a man of God typically has perseverance. He never gives up in challenging times because he knows that God is just testing his spirit, love, and faith. Therefore, he always trusts in God’s goodness.
At the same, he is hardworking because he wants to put his best in everything he does. Since he offers all the works of his hands to God, he perseveres for excellence. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”
6. Honest
A godly man is also honest and trustworthy. He knows that God hates liars, so he strives to say the truth all the time. For this reason, the people around this person can trust him. Such a man is known for integrity and word of honor.
Therefore, if you want to live for God, you need to start by training your mouth to say nothing but the truth. You need to avoid saying lies, even those considered ‘white’.
7. Teachable
As mentioned above, a godly man always accepts correction because he knows that he is not always right. In connection to this, he is teachable. He believes that everyone can contribute to a conversation, and he is always willing to learn from others.
Therefore, a godly man values the advice of others. He also allows them to speak into his life and direct him when he seems to choose the wrong path.
8. Generous
A man who loves God always helps and gives with what he has. He knows that his riches are not his own but come from God. Therefore, he considers himself as a channel of blessings. Whatever he receives from the Lord, he shares with others.
Furthermore, a generous person is not greedy. He does not seek anything in return when giving. In addition, he helps others not based on what he can benefit from them. Instead, he helps those who cannot pay him back more.
9. Loves Peace
A God-fearing guy seeks peace and pursues it in all his relationships, just like Christ. Therefore, he does not like to argue or debate with others. He instead keeps quiet whenever he knows proving his points would only lead to an argument.
Keeping the relationship with the people he cares about is a godly man’s priority. He also strives to stay gentle with them even at times when he is angry. He is careful with his words because he does not want to sound rude or offensive.
10. Has A Pure Heart
A godly man tries to keep his heart pure too. He strives to avoid lust and other temptations that can lead him to sin against God. Moreover, he avoids gossiping, judging others, and other forms of malice that can poison his heart. Instead, he does his best to think positively towards others.
A pure-hearted man is not yet perfect. There are still times when he fails. The good thing about him is that he willingly admits and repents from his mistakes. He asks forgiveness from God and does his best to commit the same failure again.
11. Fruitful In Christ
A godly man is fruitful in every area of his life because he remains in Christ. Since he strives to follow Christ’s examples and obey God’s commands, the Holy Spirit is at work in him. Therefore, his character exhibits the fruit of the Spirit. They include love, joy, peace, kindness, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
Aside from bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit, a godly man also produces spiritual disciples. He shares the gospel with others and encourages them to study God’s Word. Moreover, he does his best to be a Christian role model and helps others to do the same.
BONUS. Loves Unconditionally
God is Love. In all the 11 Awesome Characteristics of a Godly Man I just mentioned please never neglect this. Another important characteristic of a godly man is the ability to love selflessly. He loves the people around him unconditionally. He accepts them for what they are while trying to help them improve in their weaknesses. He treats people with grace just like how God deals with him.
In a romantic relationship, a godly man is kind, patient, forgiving, and selfless too. He puts the needs of his partner and kids first.
All Point To God
A godly man is far from being perfect. However, his character is being transformed every day. He understands his weaknesses, and he regularly asks for help from God to change him.
Moreover, the goal of a godly man is to glorify God through His life. For this reason, he does not give up on striving for perfection. He wants his character to reflect Christ’s, so he is willing to change his bad habits and traits.
During my final year in Madonna University, I faced the biggest battle that made me become more mature and responsible. I keep telling people that maturity and responsibility are not measured by age – they are built by experience.
It is not when we start speaking big things, but rather when we start understanding small things. You may not be able to control the situation, but you can always control your attitude, and how you deal with it, that’s when maturity and being responsible occur.
Being mature and responsible may be tough, but you will see how much better you’ll feel about yourself in no time with a little effort and motivation. Remember that if you want to be mature and wise, you must first have to be young and stupid.
Life does not prepare you for the responsibility that comes along with being an adult. Well, who would be ready to plunge into the adulthood stage where you have to pay your own bills, fire up another workday, or drink some coffee and pretend that you know what you are doing.
You might feel that fear while entering adulthood, but that is normal. The pressure is indeed real, yet you must learn how to face it just as I faced mine in my final year in Madonna University because that is part of life.
You might have friends who have been nagging you to act more maturely and responsibly, but you still don’t know how. Worry no more because I will tell you how to Become More Mature and Responsible Using These 16 Tips below
Become More Mature and Responsible Using These 16 Tips – Hisparadise.com
1. Set Your Goals.
If you want to be more mature and responsible, you have to make it a clear and realistic goal. Rather than seeking satisfaction in fantasy, strive, and compete for your objectives. Invest your energy in setting your goals and activities that extend beyond one’s self-interest.
2. Be Persistent.
Aside from setting your goals, one thing that you need to do to achieve maturity is to have perseverance. Achieving your goals in life or getting results from what you’ve worked hard for takes time and process. Just keep on trying and be a persevering person. Never give up halfway, and always remember your goal.
3. Listen More And Talk Less.
Most people tend to treat conversation like a competitive sport, but actually, this approach is definitely opposite to the one you should take. Do you know that the person who talks less benefits the most, and the person who talks most benefits least? Listening is also a sign of maturity because when you listen, you understand things. Be a giver rather than a talker.
4. Have Self-Control.
If you want to have more maturity and responsibility, learn how to control yourself. Manage your thoughts, emotions, and temper. Be careful to evaluate and analyze your actions and behavior. It may be a great challenge, but if you learn from it, you can master anything. Thus, never let your emotions overpower your intelligence.
5. Respect Other People’s Opinions.
People have different perceptions of life. Hence, respecting others’ beliefs, points of view, or way of life without any judgment is a sign of maturity to understand things in life. Even if you disagree with someone’s opinion, learn to respect it, and make it a point to never argue about it.
6. Develop Acceptance.
Letting go of everything that’s bothering you or all the negative thoughts you have in mind doesn’t mean giving up, but accepting that there are things that cannot be. Just accept the unchangeable and remove yourself from the unacceptable. So if you want to be more mature and responsible, recognize what you cannot have and be contented with what you have.
7. Be Optimistic.
If you view life on a positive side, it will help you get stronger in whatever circumstances you’re facing right now. Maturity and optimistic come on the same line, if you continue to entertain those negative vibes, immaturity will come along. Be responsible and mature enough to think that everything has a purpose. Never let yourself be caged by your own nemesis. It is always healthier to have positive thoughts rather than the opposite of it.
8. Be Open-Minded.
There may be things that aren’t always what you want them to be, just stay open-minded and look at the bigger picture. An open-minded person is one who admits being wrong – one who thinks and opens his mind before opening his mouth.
9. Build Self-Confidence.
Never underestimate your strength. Accept and love yourself, not needing someone else to complete you. Help yourself without expecting other people to do it for you. The best way to gain your self-confidence is by doing what you are afraid of.
10. Be Contented; Stop Complaining.
Instead of complaining about what you don’t have, be contented and just learn how to be thankful for everything that you have. A wise man knows how to be contented because he knows happiness comes from contentment.
11. Avoid Criticisms And Being Envious.
It is indeed important to seek objective criticisms. If you are mature and responsible enough, refrain from reacting to feedback from other people because this is only a sign of a childish response. Instead, find joy in others’ success rather than criticize and pull them down just to satisfy envy and bitterness.
12. Make Sacrifices.
Another sign of maturity and being responsible is when you can make sacrifices for others’ good without any resentment. Step out of your comfort zone and make sacrifices wholeheartedly as long as you can because it is part of life, not something to regret but something to aspire of.
13. Never Blame Others For Your Rejections Or Failures In Life.
Many people are unaware that they are responsible for the circumstances they face in life. Instead of taking their own responsibility, they look for others to blame for their mistakes, rejections, and failures in life. But in reality, you create your own problem, so you should be responsible enough to handle it. Moreover, it is not also right to punish yourself when things go wrong. With the right attitude, you can simply learn from your mistakes and accept the fact that you will really fail. However, failures only teach you how to be strong in life.
14. Do Good Deeds
Learn how to share good fortune with others. Selfishness is only a sign of immaturity. Doing good deeds is indeed a man’s most glorious task that will show his maturity and sense of responsibility to handle different situations. If you do good, good will come to you as well.
15. Cope With The Fear Of Death.
We all know that everyone will face death in the future, and many people are probably afraid to face this reality. Maturity is when you’re able to accept the fact that death is part of life. Just focus your attention on living in the present rather than imagining the future. Living in the adulthood stage involves remaining vulnerable to both sadness and joy innate in the human condition.
There you have it! Those are just some tips on how to become mature and responsible in life. Remember that “immature people always want to win an argument, but mature people understand that it’s always better to lose an argument and win a relationship.” Maturity starts when all your drama in life ends.
Honestly, You might not feel confident about your intellectual capacity as a man or a woman, but if you put a small value on yourself, the world will surely not raise your price and you will become priceless. The best way to build your self-confidence is by broadening your life experiences. Thus, if you want to become smarter and more confident in yourself, increase your knowledge, skills, experiences and understanding.
Confidence and intelligence are something you have to work on it and thinking about the hardest thing to do with it, is probably the reason why only a few engage in it. However, you can always work for it if you have perseverance and determination in life. So if you want to have more with, intelligence and confidence, here are nine ways to get them.
1. Read books. Reading books will help you gain knowledge about everything you want to know in life. During my university days in Madonna University, Anambra state, I was focusing more on financial books not because I was studying banking and finance but because I love reading books and those books has contributed more to my personal growth. If you are not the type of person that reads, well then, practice yourself now. Become a voracious reader and expose yourself to more ideas and information. Books will take you to a different dimension, it will broaden your imagination and it will surely speed up your learning ability.
2. Improve your mind’s ability. There are actually a lot of things to improve one’s mind’s ability and one of these is by improving your memory. The ability to remember things is also considered intelligence. Correlate things you want to memorize with the things you already remember. Practice more and soon you will develop new techniques that will help you improve your memory. Aside from improving your memory, one thing you need to consider is to be more curious never be satisfied with what you think you already have in mind, try to look deeper into it. And lastly, exercise your mind in different ways, challenge yourself to learn new skills. You may want to try solving the rubrics cube in order to exercise your thinking ability or puzzles that will keep your mind working.
3. Do your research. Don’t be satisfied learning a little about that particular issue. Be more curious and broaden your horizons, it will help you become more intelligent. Learn to research things, you don’t understand. Read books or search for everything you want to know online. Explore the world in depth, create new ideas out of it and always be curious about things because curiosity will lead you to more knowledge
4. Make friends with intelligent people. This may be difficult for you, most especially if you have low self-esteem, but with clever people, hanging out with you is one of the fastest ways to learn. Being around people that are smart will give you the opportunity to learn from them or you may also get techniques from them on how they keep their intelligence. Instead of being ashamed to hang out with them, feel blessed that you have an amazing resource to draw upon.
5. Practice your writing skills. Same as reading a book, writing allows you to put your knowledge in a creative way. Writing also broadens your imagination because you’re able to write fantasy or short stories out of your imagination. Try to exercise your brain and write a little every day until you got used to it. You can make a diary where you can write about your daily activities or whether it is describing your emotions. Brainstorming can also help you create new ideas.
6. Explore new things. Get out of your box and explore new things. If you always wanted to travel around the world, go save your money now, this will help you discover yourself. It may be scary at first, but you will surely enjoy the experience. I once read Harun Yahja sayings “I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question.” You wouldn’t know unless you try, you wouldn’t know that there is a better place out there or you wouldn’t know that you can be better not unless you get out of your box and explore the other side.
7. Know your strength and weaknesses. Learn to build on your own strengths and work on your weaknesses. Knowing your weakness and strengths will help you control yourself as well over the situation. If you think you are not good at that field, then know how to make yourself good at it. Focus on your weaknesses rather than your strength because it will help you become better in the future.
8. Embrace yourself. Remember that you need to be comfortable with yourself first before anyone else. Know your true nature, it may be positive or negative, always practice self-love. Before you gain confidence in yourself, learn to love yourself first and the rest will follow.
9. Speak up for yourself. The more you can control a conversation or discussion, the more you become smarter. You can’t just sit silently there without expressing what you want to say. Expressive speech is also a key to boost your confidence. A little confidence will go along the way if you practice speaking up for yourself. Remember the relief, feeling when you express yourself to people. However, learn to put across yourself without expecting a certain response from it, whether the feedback is positive or negative care more about your ability to say what you really want and feel.
10. Encourage yourself. Try to uplift yourself, give yourself a daily affirmation that will help you feel happier like telling yourself “I am beautiful” ‘I am strong” “I am confident”. Self-confidence starts with yourself, so in order to boost it, encourage yourself that you can do it even if you can’t. Also, keep a positive outlook in life and disregard all those negative thoughts. Always keep in mind that you are confidently beautiful no matter what. Still, stay humble and keep your feet on the ground, don’t be too confident as much as possible.
You might be under the impression that intelligence is a fixed quantity that you need to have and your confidence is what makes you look beautiful. However, those things are already fixed on us – we just need to work on it. On the other hand, your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on you, so better believe in yourself that you can do anything possible.
There are 14 things you should never do after breaking up with someone, and this can lead to more harmful situation. Are you Fresh from a breakup? Yes, it is surely painful, but it is not fatal—unless you, yourself, decide you want to end everything already.
Remember that you are not the first, not even the last, person on earth who would get his/her heartbroken. However, most of the people who have experienced breakups are able to live a successful and happy life at the moment. That means you can survive this too.
Now, what you need to focus on is handling your heartbreak properly, so that you will not regret anything in the future. What are the things you should NEVER do after a breakup?
1. Drown yourself in alcohol. This is the most common temporary solution that broken people resort to. Nevertheless, this does not really solve anything. Instead, you just end up wasted after each night of too much drinking. The next day, you cannot work anymore because aside from being emotionally unwell, the hangover keeps you in bed.
2. Get hooked on destructive habits. Aside from alcoholism, other destructive habits that people who are rebelling against life because of heartbreak resort to are drug addiction, gambling, and sleeping with different partners every night. The question is, can these habits do anything good to you aside from the momentary pleasure they give? In the end, you realize you have been buried deeper, and it becomes more difficult to rise from your downfall.
3. Isolate yourself. Do not let your loneliness make you lonelier by shutting others out of your life. This is the time when you need company the most so your thoughts will be diverted from the pain. If you are surrounded by family and friends, you can let out your pain until you have poured out everything.
4. Think about ending your life. It is normal for people going through hard times to have suicidal thoughts especially if they think they cannot bear the pain anymore. It is not the end of your world, and there are still more reasons to live. If you quit life now, you would miss greater opportunities and better times ahead.
5. Take all the blame. You may have your part in the cause of the breakup, but do not be too harsh on yourself by thinking it is all your fault. No one is perfect, and for sure your ex has his/her flaws which also contributed to the end of your relationship. I am not saying you blame your ex or other people but instead, just let go and forgive. You can Learn How To End A Relationship In 8 Respectful Steps
6. Wallow in self-pity. Being left by someone you loved does not mean you are not worthy to be loved in return. Do not think there is a problem with you and you are hard to be with. Maybe your ex and you had just irreconcilable differences because of your unique personalities. Someday, you will meet someone whose personality complements yours, and s/he would think you are the perfect one for him/her.
7. Stalk your ex. The more you check on your ex’s Facebook or Instagram, the more you find it hard to move on. If you really want to move forward, then avoid anything that can remind you of him/her while the wounds are still fresh.
8. Stop reaching for your goals/dreams. Even if your ex was part of your dreams, you can still pursue them without him/her. Your life should not revolve around a person or thing. If you already lost someone dear to you and you lose your dreams too, then you lose the reason for living. So, instead of letting go of your life goals, use them as a motivation to push yourself forward. I would advise you to Learn How to Let Go of a Past Relationship Using These 10 Steps
9. Be hopeless about the future. There are still a lot of big opportunities waiting for you out there. Like what I wrote above, your life should not revolve around a single entity. Do not dwell in the past, but rather focus on making your future better than the present.
10. Beg your ex to come back. If your ex is already decided that s/he does not want you in his/her life anymore, then it is time to let go. Do not push yourself on someone who does not love you anymore. Let us say your ex gets back with you because s/he does not want you hurting. Would it be fine with you knowing pity is the only thing that binds you together? Save a little dignity for yourself. Find out the 14 Signs Your Ex is Over You and Does not Want You Back so you won’t waste your time thinking about them.
11. Find a ‘rebound’. Dating someone else just to help you forget is a crime. You know you have not moved on from your ex and this new one is just there to fill up the empty space. Do you really think you would be happy? No, especially if you do not really love the person. Soon you will be choked by guilt, and breaking his/her heart would be another weight to carry. You can go online if you don’t like going out often, you can read the 5 Ways to Find Real Love Online
12. Jump from one relationship to another. The same with #11, this will only worsen your emotional struggle. For every person you allow to enter your life, a part of you gets attached to that individual. Every time you break away from him/her, that attached part gets torn. If you keep doing this, soon you will be emotionally burnt out to the point you cannot feel anything anymore.
13. Post hate statuses against ex on social media. Shaming your ex on social media would only shame you more. Do not use Facebook to air out your sentiments against him/her. Your heartbreak becomes entertainment to your Facebook friends. Do not make your life an open book especially when it comes to sensitive areas like this. The world does not need to know what your ex did to you. If you want your issues to be resolved, talk in private.
14. Threaten your ex that you would hurt yourself. You do not want to get your ex back just because s/he feels guilty for anything bad that might happen to you. This would not make your ex love you back. Instead, s/he would just hate you because you do not set him/her free. This makes you look more pathetic too.
BONUS. Wait for him/her to come back. I know I told you I was going to give you 14 Things You Should Never Do After Breaking Up with Someone but this last one is really important. Waiting for him or her to come back is harmful. This is self-torture and the worst thing you can do to yourself.
Keeping yourself from loving anyone else just because you are waiting for your ex to be back is a stupid idea. What if s/he does not come back? You just end up alone while your ex is happy with someone else. You deserve to love and be loved again. Open your heart for new love. Keep swimming. You can learn the 13 Proven Ways To Move On From Your Ex
As the cliché goes, there is a lot of fish in the sea and it’s true. Instead of sulking in your shell, why not go out, swim and explore the ocean? This will make you see lovely sceneries and meet other wonderful creatures. You will heal faster for sure. As you swim, you will meet lovelier fish, and who knows? You might end up with the most beautiful one in the ocean.
We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, but don’t neglect these 10 Solid Ways To Make Sex More Intense And Intimate with a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Hisparadise has enlisted Johnnywriter, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today’s topic: How to make sex more fun, intense, and intimate.
Q: My partner and I have been together for years. Sex is important to both of us, and we want to keep growing together in our relationship. We’re lucky that sex is pretty great between us, but we want it to be even better. We want to feel like we’re learning more about each other and deepening our connection.
A: Thanks for your question! It’s awesome that the two of you place such a high value on sex, and are continually looking for new ways to connect. Trust me, that is going to go such a long way in your relationship! Here are my tips for making sex as intimate, intense, and fun as possible.
1. Define What Intimacy Means To You
First things first: What exactly do you mean by intimacy? What about intensity? These are powerful words which mean different things to different couples. The first thing the two of you should do is talk about what intimacy means in your relationship. What does intense sex feel like, both in the moment and afterwards? What’s the kind of emotional connection you’re aiming for? What was the best sex you guys ever had like? You can’t work toward a goal until you know what your goal is!
2. Set Yourselves Up For Success
If you want to have intense sex, you have to have the right atmosphere for connection. It’s hard to bond with each other if your cell phones keep buzzing, or if your pooch is pawing at your bedroom door. You guys may already do a good job of creating the space for intimacy, but it’s an important tip to remember.
You can do things in the moment, like turn off all electronics, or set the mood with soft music and candles. You can also make bigger-picture changes, like creating a weekly date night or planning weekend getaways.
3. Talk During Sex
Talking to your partner while you’re having sex is a great way to turn up the heat. Tell them what you want them to do to you. Tease them, and make them beg you to give them what they want. Describe to your partner exactly how their touches and kisses are making you feel. Even simple words of affection can make the two of you feel closer.
4. Make Eye Contact
Remarkably few people make sustained eye contact with each other during sex. It’s kind of funny if you think about it; you’re as physically close as two humans can be, yet you still can’t look each other in the eyes. Holding eye contact with your partner is one of the fastest paths to more intimacy. You may find yourself feeling surprisingly shy, so try gradually building up to longer periods of contact. Once you feel more confident, try keeping eye contact even as you orgasm!
5. Keep The Lights On
This is another quick but effective tip. Most people have sex at night with all of the lights off, so they don’t have the opportunity to truly see each other while they’re being intimate. Try having sex in the daylight, or keeping the lights on. Candles create a very nice glow, and you can easily modify the amount of light by adding more candles or blowing a few out.
See what it’s like to actually look at each other while you’re being intimate. Gaze at your partner’s entire body. In particular, letting them get a good look at your genitals while the lights are on can be insanely intimate.
6. Breathe Together
Take a cue from Tantric sex, and try breathing together when you’re being intimate. Press pause on whatever you’re doing, and try to synchronize your breath for a few moments. Looking each other in the eyes will make this even more intense. Or try placing your hand over your partner’s heart and feel them breathe in and out.
7. Play With Power Dynamics
The simplest thing you can do is say that one person is the boss for the evening, and the other person is at their mercy (make sure to talk about boundaries and agree on a safe word first). Or you can try playing with bondage, which increases the intensity. Putting your safety in another person’s hands requires an incredible amount of trust. It’s a vulnerable experience that can build a lot of intimacy.
8. Take Orgasm Off The Table
Orgasm is the cherry on top of the sundae when it comes to sex, but many people can get so overly goal-oriented that they don’t end up enjoying the parts leading up to it. I work with a lot of women who have yet to have their first orgasm, and many of them can get so focused on trying to figure out how to get there that they inadvertently tune out the experience of being with their partner.
Try making it a rule that neither you nor your partner will orgasm during a particular encounter. See if it allows you to deepen the experience and enjoy each moment of being with each other.
9. Change Your Tempo
Really slowing down and taking your time with each other is a great way to feel more present in the moment and more connected with each other. Move your way through each activity slowly. Really try to savor the experience, as if you were enjoying a multi-course meal at a fancy restaurant. Or you can go to the other extreme and try speeding things up with an intense quickie.
10. Masturbate In Front Of Each Other
You don’t even have to touch each other to create intimacy and intensity! Try masturbating in front of each other, either individually or at the same time. Masturbating is a personal activity (perhaps the most personal activity we engage in!), so bringing your partner into the experience can be very intense. This is an extremely erotic activity, and has the added benefit of helping each other learn how you like to be touched.
BONUS. Above All Else, Invite Vulnerability
There’s one common thread running through all of these tips: being vulnerable with each other. Trusting in each other, exploring your boundaries with each other, and showing your full selves to each other is the best way to create more intimacy and intensity in your relationship. Keep allowing yourselves to take these risks, and your sex life will be sizzling for decades to come.
Recently someone asked me ”Johnnywriter, Is Self-Interest Selfish in Relationships?” The truth is, If you’re struggling to find a healthy balance of authenticity and honesty with your selfless partner, perhaps you need to consider working toward deeper, more intimate conversations with them.
It’s hard to fault someone for being selfless.
We’re taught to put a high premium on kindness, generosity, and the needs of others. Sharing is one of the first lessons that many of us can remember learning as toddlers.
Making a decision based on our partner’s preference or going out of our way for a significant other — even when we’ve had a difficult day ourselves — is sort of the adult equivalent of letting a classmate borrow the crayon that we really wanted to use, no? At any age, these selfless acts are considered fundamentally good.
But that doesn’t mean that being in a relationship with a supremely selfless person is fundamentally easy.
What happens when a spouse’s unflinchingly self-sacrificing behavior is built, brick by brick, into a wall so airtight that it’s no longer possible to understand the interests and desires that they hold near and dear?
Maybe it’s as simple as your partner constantly deferring to you to choose the movie or restaurant, or perhaps they are always willing to talk through the challenges of your day, while never quite opening up about their own. Maybe you feel they are always telling you just what you want to hear.
These selfless acts may feel good in the moment, but over time, they’ll limit your ability to authentically connect in your relationship. You may never learn whether they really like Mexican food and comedies best, and you may always wonder if their political views could actually be so similar to yours.
Finding yourself in a constant state of agreement may grow frustrating — and you’ll likely find yourself questioning if your partner’s selfless behavior is too good to be true. (For your sake, we hope it’s not… but your concerns are perfectly valid!)
In extreme cases, you may even feel as if you are being stonewalled, which, according to Dr. John Gottman, happens when a listener withdraws from an interaction. Have you ever felt as if your partner’s conversational generosity was simply a tool to shut down the discussion and avoid becoming more fully engaged?
Jackie: Where should we go this weekend?
Jim: I’m happy to go wherever you want to go!
Jackie: That’s great, but I want us to decide together. What would be your perfect getaway?
Jim: I will go anywhere you want. Just say the word!
Even if this conversation is sealed with a kiss and plans for an amazing weekend trip, the fact remains that Jim’s selflessness comes with a side of disengagement — and there’s no way that this goes unnoticed for Jackie.
If you’re struggling to find a healthy balance of authenticity and honesty with your selfless partner, perhaps you need to consider working toward deeper, more intimate conversations with them — drawing out their core opinions, setting a standard for more intentional, open, engaged, and reciprocal communication. Dr. Gottman from Gottman.com has three basic rules for intimate conversations:
1. Put your feelings into words 2. Ask open-ended questions 3. Express empathy
In order to draw your partner further into more connected conversations, I suggest focusing on the latter two tips. Practicing these skills in your day-to-day interactions may help your spouse to communicate more genuinely — dare we say selfishly? — with you. Here’s how you can apply these principles more specifically with your self-sacrificing special someone.
Ask open-ended questions
Start paying closer attention to the way you engage your partner in conversation. If they are more selfless than most, you may need to be especially careful to avoid the use of yes or no questions. After all, what selfless spouse wants to say “no” when their favorite person wants to hear “yes?”
Maximize your partner’s ability to assert their opinions and preferences — in their entirety — by keeping your questions to them wide open. You may need to do it more often than feels natural. Ask “What would you like to have for dinner tonight?” instead of “Should we go out for dinner tonight?”
The results may not be immediate, but as you establish a more consistent pattern of open-ended questioning — about everything from restaurant choices to the best way to manage your finances — we’re willing to bet that your partner will begin to realize that you expect them to engage with you at a deeper level.
Reestablishing the ground rules for conversations in your relationship may take time, but it will pay off in the long run in the form of a deeper connection with your partner.
Express empathy
Perhaps your partner struggles with authentic self-expression because their innermost opinions have never been validated with any sort of intentionality. Assuming you’ve started asking your spouse more open-ended questions, they may have begun opening up about their true preferences and desires. The trick now is to turn toward them (as Dr. Gottman always says) by engaging more fully in the conversation.
Show your partner that what they’re saying makes sense to you. If your partner is only taking baby steps away from constant selflessness, take baby steps with them. You can even show empathy for something as simple as your typically deferential spouse’s admission that they prefer Italian food to Mexican food (bear with us, we know this sounds a little crazy).
“Oh, I totally understand that,” you can say. “I feel like we always get more for our money when we go out to that Italian place down the street. And they have a great bread basket! What’s the best Italian food you’ve ever had?”
Engaging with your partner in this way shows them that you are paying attention to their needs, and that you may be in agreement with them as often as they are in agreement with you! Start small by validating their restaurant preferences, and watch them become more comfortable asserting their input in more consequential situations.
You may be surprise How Conflicts Can Help You Understand Your Partner in a relationship. The purpose of conflict is to more fully understand your partner positively and negatively. You can read this too 3 Common Mistakes Couples Make During Conflict
Does this sound familiar? You think the conflict is about who is going to pick up your child after school. It’s going to be a simple decision—it’s either you or your partner. But, somehow, there is no simple resolution. The conflict seems bigger than that. It feels like something deeper is going on for one or both of you.
The conflict
Let’s use this scenario as an example:
Johnny and Blessing are discussing who is going to pick up their daughter from school. Sam says to Chris, “I can pick her up after school today.”
Blessing says, “No, I’d like to pick her up.”
Johnny comes back with, “You’re so busy at work today and I have the day off. I’m happy to do it.”
Blessing persists, “You should enjoy your day off. I can fit it into my work day.”
They go back and forth like this for a while.
When the resolution for the conflict feels like it should be easier than it turns out to be, that is the indicator that there might be some dreams within the conflict at play. Step back and go deeper to the dream level.
Questions to gain understanding
To get there, Sam and Chris can ask each other these kinds of questions:
“Can you tell me what makes this important to you?”
“Does this relate to your background in some way?”
“Is there a deeper purpose or goal for you about picking up our child at school?”
“What do you feel about it?”
“What is your wish in this situation? What is your need?”
“What will happen if your dream isn’t honored?”
Chris might share that when they were growing up, Chris’s parents weren’t involved in the daily school pick=up. Perhaps because of this, Chris feels distant from their parents. Chris has decided to parent differently.
Sam might share concerns about Chris’s job stability and doesn’t want to interrupt Chris’s workday when Sam could do the pick-up without intruding on work. Sam might further express a craving for financial security because that was absent from Sam’s childhood.
Dreams within conflict
Consider two things. First, relationships are not better if they are free of conflict, and in fact, all relationships have some sort of conflict in them. Second, the purpose of conflict is not resolution. The purpose of conflict is to more fully understand your partner.
With this conflict definition, understanding each other’s dreams within the conflict can lead to a successful conflict outcome.
Learning to recognize when there is this deeper dream level in a conflict will allow you to explore the dreams within the conflict and then move through the conflict more easily and peacefully.
Sam and Chris now understand each other’s perspectives more fully. Even if they still disagree, they’ve deepened their understanding of one another, they’ve grown closer, and they can come to a solution.
Are you having any issues/conflicts in your marriage/relationship?. Send us a message about what you are going through in your relationship. You can also click on the Whatsapp button to send us a quick message
If you want to stop arguing all the time, avoid these 3 Common Mistakes Couples Make During Conflict. They trudged into my therapy office, slumped down at opposite ends of my sofa, and glared at each other. This professional couple in their 40s had yet another fight on the way to their appointment.
In theory, it was a continuation of something that started last night, but the truth was they had variations of the same row for the last five years. Sometimes when I take them to a sit-out probably around Macdons at Okpanam Road, Asaba I often notice their expression full of anger and arguments.
“I’ve asked you to be kinder, but you speak to me with such contempt,” he complained.
“But you’re doing things that upset me,” she counter-claimed. “What am I supposed to do?”
They were at gridlock and falling into three common mistakes made by couples with perpetual problems.
So what are these mistakes? Could knowing them transform your relationship?
MISTAKE 1:“YOU CHANGE”
It is easy to have a long list of what your partner could do differently and a short list of your own. Perhaps yours is completely blank or full of hopeless ideas like “give up.” Unfortunately, pointing out your partner’s shortcomings does not encourage change—only defensiveness and counter-attack. Normally, I encourage couples to step into each other’s shoes and look at the world from there. However, once you reach gridlock, you are too angry to make this leap of imagination.
MISTAKE 2: PROTESTING LOUDER
If you can’t get through to your partner, you may wonder, why not raise the stakes? Perhaps they will finally understand and take you seriously? So, you shout louder, throw a bigger tantrum, or move from sniping to sarcasm and on to nasty name-calling. Other versions involve bringing in the opinions of others to back you up and punishing your partner by refusing sex or intimacy. Unfortunately, couples end up debating alternative narratives, building a case against their partner.
MISTAKE 3: FLEE AND PURSUE
At some point, one partner will check out. It could be walking away, internally shutting down, or people-pleasing (by which I mean agreeing to anything for a quiet life but being full of resentment or giving an empty apology to shut down the argument). I have clients who simply beg their partners to stop. Not surprisingly, the other partner does not feel heard and fears nothing will ever change. So they prevent the fleeing partner from leaving, following them to the next room or they rekindle the row a short time later.
HOW TO BREAK FREE
1. Consider that both of you are right. It is easy to fall into black and white concepts of right and wrong, win and lose. Instead of this comparative thinking, embrace something called contemplative thinking. Instead of “yes but,” switch to “yes and,” which does not negate your partner’s position. Once you accept you are both right, you open up to creative solutions: “What can we do differently?”
2. Look deeper into the dilemma. Ask yourself, “What is this argument really about?” If you both feel so strongly, it must be something important and that normally goes back to your childhood. So, tell each other what past trauma has been reactivated. If you need help with this, find a Hisparadise-trained therapisthere.
3. Stay in the crucible of conflict longer.It is natural to want to exit conflict as equally as possible but it takes time to go through. Don’t put pressure on yourselves. It will normally take several discussions, maybe over several days. So learn to feel more comfortable with uncertainty and agree to keep talking.
4. Become vulnerable with each other.Instead of showing your armored exterior, speak about what you find difficult. Remember to use “I” statements. For example: “I feel anxious” rather than “You make me feel anxious.”
5. Find similarities and build on those. It is helpful to remind each other of what you agree on. For example: “We both want the best for the children” or “We are both feeling overwhelmed.” If you address the better part of your partner rather than attack their flaws, it is easier to build cooperation.
6. Going through.Once you stop pushing your particular solution, another way will slowly emerge. If you are still stuck, it could be that you need to return to the previous steps and do some more talking and lots of listening. When you both feel truly understood, you will be ready to move forward.
I want to give you 4 Tips to Build Everyday Trust in Your Relationship, and these tips are well proven via the things I hear from my clients, relationship can be complicated and if you are not careful then you can destroy that trust you took forever to build. When you think of trust in relationships, you likely think of rebuilding after an incident where trust was challenged and/or lost. Some common reasons trust becomes an issue in relationships are dishonesty, unreliability, and betrayal.
Let’s focus on building a foundation of trust from the start of the relationship. To prevent the pitfalls of the issues listed above, here are four practical, concrete ways to establish trust and maintain it.
BUILDING EVERYDAY TRUST
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Your word is important, so it is important to match actions with words. An example of practicing this is honoring commitments. If you say, “I’ll be there to help you move on Saturday,” you should make sure to be there on Saturday. It is extremely easy to promise the world (especially in new relationships) because you care for the person. But you do MORE damage when you make promises that you can not keep. This is not to say that you are not allowed to change your mind about something. Just be sure to communicate this to your partner. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say allows your partner to know they can trust your words. Read This 9 Early Signs Your Relationship Will Last Long
Communicate your intentions clearly. Having effective and clear communication is important in maintaining a successful relationship professionally and with friends and family. It is just as important in romantic relationships. Your partner is NOT a mindreader, so state your intentions and state them often. An example of practicing this: if you want to do movie night on Wednesday, you communicate this with your partner. Another example is, if you are contemplating making major life changes in the future, inform your partner (not necessarily asking permission). Communicating your intentions keeps your partner informed of what you are thinking so they do not have to guess, make assumptions, and get caught off guard. Read This 7 Ways to Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationship
Admit your mistakes. Reliability and accountability are important in all relationships. Your partner wants to know that you will admit when you have made a mistake! We all make them. Building trust within a relationship is taking accountability for your mistake, asking how you can make it better, and making a commitment that you will not make that particular mistake again (or at least making a plan to limit that particular mistake).
Always tell the truth. This one may seem like a no-brainer, but you would be surprised how many good-hearted people lie. Good people lie to avoid conflict, to get out of situations, and to please the person in front of them. When you are dishonest about small things (think white lies), it makes it hard for others to trust you when it comes to bigger issues. An alternative to telling a white lie is allowing yourself time to think about the issue. “I’m not sure yet, can I get back to you?” or “I am feeling emotional about this topic, I would like to table it and come back when I am feeling more grounded” are better options than lying. Always telling the truth is the first step in establishing everyday trust in relationships.
BE CONSISTENTLY CONSISTENT
These four practical tips to building trust in everyday relationships will help start your relationship off with a strong foundation. If you are in a relationship now, I ask you to look inward and ask yourself if you are practicing these four tips. If you are not, pick one to actively work on. Practice the tip for two weeks before moving on to the next tip. Building trust is a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient and take your time. Your relationship will be better for it.
I keep saying, whatever I write is not a recommendation. All you need is to take the things that would be useful to you and leave the ones that has nothing to do with you.
I will tell you the 5 Reasons No One Cares About You And What To Do. We’re living in a disconnected world. Despite the internet and social media, humans feel more isolated than ever. For those who are already prone to depression or anxiety, it’s easy to get caught in a downward spiral thinking, “No one cares about me.” But this just isn’t true. Feelings like this are a result of your mindset, rather than outside circumstances. You can learn to overcome them.
WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME?
It’s natural to feel sad or lonely sometimes. It isn’t normal for loneliness to lead to thoughts like “no one cares about me.” If you’re feeling like no one cares about you, there could be a few reasons why.
YOUR PERCEPTION IS WRONG
Our beliefs create our world. The way that we perceive an event or experience is much more important than what actually happened. Changing our perspective can turn challenges into opportunities, failure into learning moments and a negative past into a positive future. It can also change anxiety into gratitude, fear into accomplishment – and loneliness into abundance. It’s likely that lots of people care about you. You just need to change your perspective, reach out and let them know you need them.
YOU PUSH OTHERS AWAY
When thoughts like “nobody cares about me” take over your mind, does reaching out to friends sound like the last thing you want to do? Do you find you don’t have many close relationships? You may actually be pushing others away. You’ll need to examine the limiting beliefs you created in childhood that are preventing you from creating fulfilling relationships. Read This 5 Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship (A must read)
YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS LOST PASSION
Many of us depend on our partners to ease feelings we’ve put on repeat, like “no one cares about me.” When we feel a loved one has grown distant and no longer cares, it can be especially destructive. There are lots of stressors in relationships however that have nothing to do with how much they care about you – the reason could be money, stress at work or a loss of the polarity you felt when you first met. Get to the root cause to restore the feelings of support and love.
Even when you have loving relationships in your life, it’s possible that they don’t know what you need – or don’t know how to be supportive. They may have no idea that anything is wrong or feel uncomfortable bringing up your emotional health. Most people don’t have experience helping a loved one with depression. Tell them what you need. Ask for a hug, a long talk or whatever support looks like for you.
YOU’RE NOT SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE
Not everyone is lucky enough to be born with a supportive family. Yet your limiting beliefs may be holding you back from associating with supportive friends as well. Beliefs like “I don’t deserve great friends” or “No one cares about me because I’m not worth it” cause you to accept unhealthy relationships instead of raising your standards and surrounding yourself with good people.
5 Reasons No One Cares About You And What To Do
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU?
Whatever the reason you’re wondering “Why does no one care about me?,” remember that it’s a state of mind – not a fact of reality. You can control this feeling, just as you can control any other emotion.
1. USE THE POWER OF REFRAMING
Meaning is everything – and you can learn how to change the meaning you give your experiences, thoughts and emotions. Instead of thinking “no one cares about me,” practice gratitude for all the things you do have in life. Instead of letting negative self-talk take over your mind, practice acknowledging these thoughts and letting them go. You’ll begin to notice fewer and fewer negative emotions.
2. CHANGE YOUR STORY
You can’t control who cares about you – the only thing you can control is yourself. You can shift your mindset from victim to hero and take back control of your life. You can realize that life is happening for you, not to you. You decide what happens to you. And only you can change your story for good. Decide to live a fulfilling and meaningful life, no matter who cares about you or not.
3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
What do you do when no one cares about you? You must care about yourself. Exercising and feeding your body the right fuel go a long way to improving your mood and mindset. Take up healthy habits like priming, meditation, yoga or journaling. Do something you love. Put on your favorite song and sing as loud as you can. Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone else to feel happy.
4. FACE YOUR FEARS
A hard truth: It’s easier to stay alone and tell ourselves, “nobody cares about me” than it is to get out there and create relationships. Many of us are afraid to reach out to our loved ones for help. We’re afraid to make new friends or enter relationships. We’re afraid of failure, of embarrassment or of what others think of us. Yet only by facing your fears will you ever stop feeling lonely.
5. GIVE BACK
There’s a reason Tony always says, “The secret to living is giving.” There is nothing like giving back to those less fortunate to make us realize how blessed we really are. Plus, volunteering will provide you with a community of like-minded people who can become close friends. It’s a great way to get out of your comfort zone and start easing feelings that nobody cares about you.
Are you struggling with emotions? You can get our latest book on how to control your emotions HERE
I will tell you 13 Proven Ways To Move On From Your Ex or previous relationship. I know We’ve all had an ex that we can’t seem to get out of our minds. A harmful friendship we hold on to even though it exhausts us. Or even a family member who is toxic. Why can’t we learn how to let go of someone, even when we know they’re not good for us? READ THIS 6 ways to Let Go of Someone Who Treats You Badly
Holding on is a natural human instinct – and it’s also a critical way that we stop ourselves from reaching our goals. Because ultimately, not knowing how to move on harms you: It prevents you from achieving your true potential.
Why do we have so much trouble learning how to let go of someone we love? We like to hold on to things, situations and especially people because it fulfills our need for certainty. Certainty is one of the six human needs that drive every decision we make. Letting go and moving on from a relationship often entails a large amount of uncertainty. Even if your relationship had reached its conclusion or one or both of you were very unhappy, there was still an amount of certainty there that was comforting.
Sometimes we use the past to justify our current decisions, and that’s why we can’t figure out how to let go. Remember when you were rejected by several potential mates in high school or college? Those instances could make you hold on to a partner – even one who is not good for you – because you are afraid you won’t find anyone else. Those memories justify everything for you. When you’re unable to let go, those memories become a part of your “story” and work against you.
SIGNS YOU HAVEN’T MOVED ON
Learning how to let go of someone you love – someone you’ve built a deep connection with and whom you’ve shared your life with – is likely one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. That’s why so many people break up, but never truly discover how to move on. If these signs are familiar, you may be one of those people:
You’re always wondering what could have been
You think of the person constantly, or at time when you’d rather not
You spend a lot of time reliving memories or looking them up on social media
You bring them up often when talking to friends
When you’re feeling down, they’re the first person you think to call
You make changes to your life or appearance to get them back
You feel anxious or even angry when you see the person
You blame them or want to get revenge for perceived slights
Letting go of someone you love isn’t easy, but holding on only holds you back from the possibility of an extraordinary relationship. To focus your energy on living positively and proactively, you need to learn how to move on. Are you ready to let go of relationships that no longer serve you?
Knowing you need to let go and actually letting go are two very different things. These tips will help you discover how to move on once and for all.
1. RECOGNIZE WHEN IT’S TIME
Learning when it’s time to let go is often the most difficult part of this process. But in many cases it’s necessary to let go in order to unlock the life you deserve. Though each relationship is different, most find it’s time to end things when the relationship causes them more pain than pleasure or when trust has eroded to the point where the romance cannot be rekindled. Deciding how to let go becomes easier when you are certain the time has come and that your future happiness depends on a new start.
2. IDENTIFY LIMITING BELIEFS
Do thoughts like “I could never be alone” or “I’ll never find someone else who loves me” constantly run through your mind? Understand that these are not facts – they are limiting beliefs, and while beliefs have the power to create your world, you have the power to transform them. Replace them with empowering beliefs like, “I am open to what the universe has in store for me” and “I love myself and deserve the best.” You may feel silly at first, but when you use these positive incantations as part of your daily routine, you will see results.
3. CHANGE YOUR STORY
Your story is what you tell yourself to justify your decisions and is based on your limiting beliefs. For example, you tell yourself you can’t have a successful relationship because of how you grew up. Your parents argued in front of you all the time and eventually divorced.
You can’t let go of the belief that all relationships are bound to fail, and this is why you can’t maintain a healthy romantic relationship. You use this past experience to justify your current life state – but you can change your story so that your past empowers you instead of holding you back. Your past is not your future unless you live there.
4. STOP THE BLAME GAME
Letting go of someone you love doesn’t mean you have to negate the truth, but don’t let it influence your current path. It is human nature to point the finger at someone else or a past incident instead of ourselves. This is why you blame your significant other at the end of a relationship or another person for something terrible that happened to you. Yet even when the facts are terrible or heartbreaking, you cannot let bad experiences dictate your future. Instead, use your experiences as a tool to push you to learn and grow so you can create a healthy relationship with someone else.
5. EMBRACE THE “F” WORD
Going your separate ways does not have to be an experience filled with anger or judgment. When you recognize that the person is preventing you from growing or achieving your dreams, you can forgive them and also forgive yourself for any pain the separation may cause and wish them the best for the future. Remind yourself that to create space for a new, healthy relationship, you must learn how to let go of the old one. Practicing forgiveness is a chance to grow and live in the mystery of what’s next.
6. MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS
When a relationship ends, it’s common to feel incredible amounts of anger and resentment – especially if you were not the one who decided to end it. Maybe at first you felt righteous about it, like the anger was helping you move forward. However, after some time has passed, you start to see that it’s unhealthy for you, and you’re not sure how to let go of someone you love and move on with your life.
Negative feelings take a toll on your emotional and physical health – anger is even associated with heart disease – and will affect your future relationships. Recognizing this behavior as unhealthy is the first step in the process of letting go. If you’re looking for an answer regarding how to move on, you are already on the right path. The good news is that in the process of learning how to let go, you can also learn how to control your emotions.
7. PRACTICE EMPATHY
Learning how to move on from a relationship that once brought you joy can be very difficult. When you’re letting go of someone, it’s helpful to think of both sides of the story and see the situation from their point of view. Look at this person from the same place of compassion and empathy that you did when you were happy together. Yes, your ex may have hurt you, but they likely did not do it out of malice. They felt their needs weren’t being met in your relationship and they decided to take action in order to improve their own emotional state.
8. ADOPT AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
As Tony says, “When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” That’s why practicing gratitude is the antidote to the sadness and anxiety you feel when you’re learning how to let go of someone. Let go of your expectations and focus on gratitude for what you once shared. This small shift in your perspective will help you realize that life happens for you, not to you. When you’re able to find the lesson in every experience and be grateful for it, you’ll reduce the anger you feel toward the other person and instead appreciate what you gained from the relationship.
9. TALK TO SOMEONE YOU TRUST
Holding your feelings inside only keeps you stuck and can eventually turn into anxiety or even develop into depression. Talk to a supportive friend, a family member or a therapist about how you feel and let them be there for you in your time of need. Talking to someone you trust can also help you recognize an unhealthy relationship and keep you from continuing to go back to that person. Once you commit to learning how to let go of someone, you may even discover other moments and situations you can afford to move on from as well.
10. STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA
Learning how to let go of someone you love becomes much more difficult when you are constantly reminded of them. Though social media is a way to stay in touch with friends and family, it’s the opposite of what you need when you are going through a breakup. Staying off social media while you heal not only prevents you from seeing pictures or posts from your ex, but it will also keep you from seeing other seemingly happy couples, which can make you feel worse about your situation.
11. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
The process of letting go and moving on from a relationship can be stressful and lonely. This is not the time to beat yourself up or ignore your needs. When you practice self-care and take this time to fall in love with yourself, you’ll heal more completely and perhaps be healthier than you were before the relationship even started. Indulge in massages or other relaxing activities, engage in hobbies that make you happy and focus on finding fulfillment without being part of a couple.
12. KEEP BUSY
Staying in bed all day and avoiding friends and loved ones makes letting go and moving on that much more difficult. Start your day with an empowering morning ritual that includes activities like priming, meditation, yoga or journaling, then get up and get involved. Join groups, volunteer for a new project at work or meet a friend for lunch or drinks. Staying busy will help take your mind off the breakup and allow your wounds to start healing.
13. TAKE THE TIME TO HEAL
Letting go of someone you love is a process. You won’t learn how to do it overnight, especially if you’ve spent your life holding on to things you loved – even if, deep down, you knew they weren’t right for you. Focusing on moving forward and creating a new story for yourself will help you deal with the inevitable pain that comes after a breakup. It will also help you eliminate blame, develop empowering beliefs to live by and move on with an open heart.
Even if you know how to let go of someone you love and follow all the steps, don’t expect to feel better immediately. Grieving is normal and you need to allow yourself the necessary amount of time to feel your emotions. Treat yourself with compassion and don’t allow anyone to guilt you into “just getting over it.” Though you don’t want to isolate yourself, take some extra time away from social events if you feel you need it and never agree to a date or set-up until you feel you’re really ready – those who don’t give themselves enough time often end up in rebound relationships that are harmful or that prolong the healing process even more.
LEARN TO LET GO AND MOVE ON
Remember that refusing to let go will not bring someone you care about back. Continuing to hold on only hurts your emotional and physical state, keeping you from fully enjoying life. Embrace living in the moment and understand that uncertainty can be beautiful if you look at it from the right perspective.
The key to letting go of someone you love is facing what has happened, accepting that you can’t change it and then moving on. Once you’re able to move on and appreciate the growth that came from the relationship, better opportunities will present themselves. You will have successfully learned how to let go of someone you love and can begin writing your new story.
Should You Really Stay in a Sexless Relationship? Sex can play a different role in many relationships. What goes on behind closed bedroom doors can vary from couple to couple, or even change between the same couple over time. Even further, your definition of a healthy sex life might not be exactly like your partner’s. So how can you tell if the lack of sex is harmful to your relationship?
Our views about sex are influenced by many factors, and it’s hard to know what’s normal when comparing your love life to those of your friends (or the extravagant displays of passion we see in movies). There are several reasons you might find yourself in a sexless relationship. Some couples become less intimate over time, while others have less sex from the beginning.
You may even wonder if you should leave—but if something has changed between you and your partner, there are many ways to revive the spark. The first step is taking a look at your relationship to understand why you’re not having as much sex as you want.
Why Is Your Relationship Sexless?
It’s not uncommon to go through different stages in your love life. For some couples, it’s normal to be less intimate, while others may see a decline over time. If you’re wondering whether a sexless relationship is healthy, you’ll first want to understand what’s causing it: Examine your relationship from a few different angles. Are you feeling too busy, and struggling to find time for intimacy? Or does it feel like your emotional connection with your partner is fading?
When life gets in the way, you might find that you’re not as close to your S.O. as you used to be. Sometimes, we simply fall out of the habit. “This happens more often than you might think. Some event like an illness or a new baby will interrupt the couple’s normal sexual schedule, supposedly temporarily, but sexual relations just don’t resume,” says Johnnywriter.
If sex stops once children enter the picture, some couples find it challenging to view their partners as sexual beings (rather than just parents of their kids). “The sexual drought continues and, quite commonly, nobody brings the topic up until it becomes critical to one or the other. This situation can last for years.”
When sex is seen as a chore, it’s important that both partners make time to be intimate. After all, sex is an essential part of connecting with the one you love most—and getting back in bed together can be exciting after some time away.
In other cases, a sexless relationship comes in different forms. One partner may no longer feel turned on by the other, or they may not desire sex because they’re attracted to someone else. “The complainer usually gives a ‘reason,’ such as the partner’s weight gain or unwillingness to engage in the type of sex [they] prefer,” says Johnnywriter. “
A person can learn to love the partner again by focusing on what is loveable, what originally turned them on, or what might be changed that might reawaken love and desire.”
There are also couples who never treated sex as a key component of love to begin with, and they may view their partner as a companion rather than a romantic mate. Some people are fine with living in a sexless relationship; the key is ensuring that both partners are on the same page.
On the contrary, other couples lose sexual desire for one another after infidelity. Broken trust can also break the desire to be intimate going forward.
How Important Is Sex in a Relationship?
While many of us love sex for its obvious physical benefits, it’s also an important part of connecting emotionally with our partners. Many people view the desire and frequency of sex with their mate as an analysis of how healthy the relationship is. When we’re intimate with our partners, we strengthen a unique emotional bond that comes with being physically close to one another. But how often we have sex doesn’t always measure our happiness—and like all other things in love, our desires can only be defined by ourselves. “
I think often what is being asked when the ‘how important is sex’ question is posed is: ‘How often should my partner and I have sex in order to be considered normal?'” says Johnnywriter. “…Once a year, or once a day; if whatever is happening between them is sufficient sex, there is no problem. Asking for outside validation is irrelevant.”
In other words, as long as both partners are happy, there’s no need to compare the frequency of your sex life to others.
When you’ve suddenly lost the desire or are rarely intimate with each other, this may be an indicator that your connection is fading. “If a couple is celibate because their sexual relationship was unsatisfying or unfulfilling, then it stands to reason that they will experience high levels of sexual dissatisfaction,” says Johnnywriter. “[Emotionally], a couple may remain together in a sexless marriage because their partner is their best friend or their ‘ideal’ partner.” That’s not to say that you’ll be stuck in a sexless relationship forever—if you’re not getting what you need, consider discussing the topic with your S.O. There are plenty of ways to improve your sex life when you’re in a rut. Read This 8 things you can do to improve your sex life overnight.
How Important Is Sex to You?
Your happiness in a sexless relationship depends on what you need as an individual. Even if your partner is perfectly fine with less intimacy, your desires are still an important part of keeping a healthy balance. You’ll need to assess how important sex is to you before deciding whether your partner can meet your needs.
For some people, sex is an absolute necessity in a relationship. A romantic situation where sex is rarely an option is off the table. For others, having an emotional connection with their partner is enough to sustain a meaningful, successful, and long-lasting connection. Some couples even opt for open relationships to satisfy their sexual needs while being fully committed to each other emotionally.
When it comes to sex in relationships, the bottom line is that you have to decide what’s right for you. There are no cookie-cutter answers; it all depends on the importance that you personally place on sex. If you’re unhappy in a sexless relationship, try communicating with your partner to express your feelings. You may even seek support from a professional to determine what’s holding you back. Relationships are complicated—so having an expert in your corner can help provide the guidance you need to move forward.
The truth is, Marrying someone is never an easy step to take in life because that person is gonna be your life partner. I have 12 Kinds Of Men You Should Never Marry but first try to know the person from inside out before you end up marrying him. Every woman wishes their men to be their prince charming but they end up as a villain, dooming their life. The truth is always revealed in the end, no matter how nice men try to portray or camouflage their real personality. Therefore choose wisely and cautiously the men you wish marrying.
1. Hanging On To Their Ex
These kinds of men are plenty and full, who plays a double game by always comparing you with their ex. So, that he can get the best out of you, hence, never end up marrying such men because your relationship will always be on rocky grounds, where you will get hurt the most.
2. A Perfectionist
Such men are very finicky about everything, from food, clothes, garden, house chores to expenses. Therefore, there’s very little space for you because he will always be unsure whether you’re the right one for him or not. Marrying such a perfectionist will end up in disappointment most of the time.
If you’re his first love then remember, he lacks experience and this will end up landing you in distress. The first reason is that he has no idea of what a woman wants and how to deal with it.
4. Violent Man
You never know the many your marrying is actually a violent man, which you may find out later and then it will be too late. While dating, if you see any signs of violence, like getting angry, yelling, hitting, using foul languages with you or anybody, then just move away from the idea of marrying him. These traits of his will magnify later and burst like a volcano.
Many women end up giving their heart to a man who is a revolt, someone above the law. It could be the security aspect, thinking they will always be secured being around such men and no harm can come their way. But later these same men will revolt in their marriage life too, as this is their inbuilt nature that will never die. Your love may.
He will always brag and boast about himself and his deeds on your expense. These kinds of men will always take the credit for everything and put you down. They will never appreciate anything about you, so, what’s the point in marrying such a bragger when you remain just a shadow for him.
7. A Controller
It’s my way or the highway, that’s his principle and if things don’t go his way, then expect trouble. They can turn violent, abusive, and rude when things don’t happen the way they want it to happen. And as they say precautions better than cure, just do not decide in marrying a controller monster.
Once a deceiver always a deceiver, even after marriage. His tendency to deceive you and do ugly things behind your back will always exist, though he swears never to indulge in things that can hurt you. So, if you end up marrying a deceiver, many disturbing hurdles await you.
I’m a momma’s boy, of course, until a certain age, then you mature and outgrow from this momma department. But if men continue being a momma’s boy, running for every little thing to their mother, then this is a serious issue. Because every topic or decision in your marriage life will involve momma. Do you want that to happen?
Marrying someone handsome is every girl’s desire, but this later on after marrying him can become a problem. Every girl in the neighborhood will want to take a sneak peek at him and you get fed up rolling your eyes. Marrying him will end up in you confronting plenty of roaming eyes and he will ensure to always appear handsome as ever, as he likes this trip. Mind you, you can still find a man who is faithful despite his appearance.
Getting the title ‘Macho’ comes to those who dress well, a sports lover and one who does rigid workouts and has a unique physique. Such men are always contemplating their appearance and have less time for you. So, marrying such men will be a waste of time.
Yeah you definitely need to avoid this one. A man who is greedy is always a selfish man, who is very money minded and materialistic. He may possess everything in the world from a beautiful wife to all the comfort in the world, but that doesn’t give happiness or serenity. Men of this nature will always be running behind things that provide a luxurious lifestyle. Hence, you may not fit in his agenda because you will just be a showpiece for him, a beautiful wife.
We do not have supernatural power to know if our relationship will last or not, When you’re wrapped up in the excitement of new love, it’s hard to tell if the bond you share with your partner is the real deal or just seems that way because you’re still in the honeymoon phase.
So how can you discern early on if this relationship actually has staying power or not?
We asked therapists to share the positive signs to look out for within the first six months of dating that could indicate whether the two of you have what it takes to go the distance. Here are 9 Early Signs Your Relationship Will Last
1. You feel comfortable being yourselves around each other.
In the early stages of a relationship, people tend to present only the sparkliest versions of themselves, hiding anything that could make them seem less desirable in their partner’s eyes. But when you don’t feel like you constantly need to impress your partner to earn their affection — because you know this person likes you, warts and all — it bodes well for your future as a couple. Read This Reasons why modern relationships don’t last long
“If you can be yourself and feel comfortable letting your guard down and being you, the relationship is in good shape,” said psychologist and sex therapist Johnnywriter
“If you’re in a relationship where you feel you can be honest about how you feel, and your partner is able to hear it, support you and be vulnerable themselves, it’s an excellent sign of things to come,” said marriage and family therapist Johnnywriter
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2. You consistently show up for one another.
You call when you say you’re going to call. When you agree to do something, it gets done. If you commit to a plan, your partner knows you’ll stick to it and vice versa. You know you can count on each other for things big and small.
“This indicates that each person is in the right frame of mind for a healthy relationship and that they are both on the same page,” said Johnnywriter, a psychotherapist and owner of Empowered Connections, which specializes in counseling for women, girls and the LGBTQ community. “Consistency allows for trust to build, which then allows intimacy to grow because both partners feel safe and comfortable.”
3. You’re forthcoming about your pasts.
While you’re not going to unload all of your baggage on the first date, once you’re in a relationship, it’s a good sign if you’re able to slowly open up to each other. That might mean copping to a mistake you’ve made (like racked up credit card debt) or struggles you’ve been through (like mental health or substance use issues).
“It takes courage, maturity and inner strength to be transparent and vulnerable, even with our partner, about the not-so-positive aspects about ourselves,” said Favour Akpan, (Read Her articles on her blog here) a therapist who specializes in counseling men. ”These are positive qualities for building a relationship that will last and will serve you well as you navigate the ups and downs of life together.” Read This 29 Guaranteed Signs He Wants to Marry You ❤️
4. You celebrate each other’s accomplishments.
Couples with longevity always remember that they’re on the same team. One partner’s success shouldn’t be threatening or jealousy-inducing. It’s a win for the both of you and should be celebrated as such.
“Be enthusiastic about each other and let them know how proud you are of their wins, efforts and direction,” Bird said. “One of the worst things to happen in a relationship is insecurity arising out of one partner succeeding.”
5. You sincerely apologize to each other when you’ve done something wrong.
And no, “I’m sorry you feel that way” does not count as a genuine apology. Two people who can take responsibility for their missteps, instead of rattling off a bunch of excuses for their behavior, are more likely to move through rough patches without lingering resentments.
“We all make mistakes, say things we shouldn’t have said, and can be selfish at times,” Smith said. “A simple, ‘I’m sorry’ is amazing in how healing it can be for a relationship. If you’ve got a partner who’s willing to say sorry, that’s a hard-to-find quality and strength, and you should do all you can to keep them.”
6. You’re both good listeners.
When you try to talk to your partner, do they interrupt you, scroll through Instagram or watch “Succession” over your shoulder? Or do they maintain eye contact, respond thoughtfully and remember the things you tell them — even the little stuff, like your favorite gelato flavor or the name of your family dog?
“Showing you’re willing to listen can be as simple as not looking at your phone when your partner is talking to you, being willing to mute the TV for a moment, or making time to have deeper conversations with all of the distractions turned off and giving each other your full undivided attention,” Smith said.
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Even during tense conversations, you’re able to treat each other with respect. You actually hear your partner out, rather than half-listening while formulating your next point in your head.
“This means that each partner listens to the other, honors how the other feels about things and is kind and compassionate in doing so,” Duley said.
7. You share similar values and common life goals.
For the relationship to have longevity, your major goals should be in alignment. If you’re on the same page on what matters — like your views on monogamy, your desires to start a family and your financial goals or habits — you can avoid some major rifts down the line.
“For example, if one person wants nothing more than to have three kids and the other is strictly opposed to having children there could be an issue,” Bird said. “If your partner says they don’t want kids but you do, don’t try to be ‘cool’ and agree with them hoping that they will change their mind someday. That isn’t fair to anyone.”
8. When you fight, you fight fair.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. Having arguments doesn’t mean you’re incompatible, it means you’re human. It’s how you conduct yourselves during those heated moments that matters.
“A good sign is that no matter how difficult the content, nobody gets nasty, nobody piles on unrelated grievances, and neither of you wants to win at your partner’s expense,” said relationship therapist Brightworld. (Read Articles on his blog here)“Also key— when it’s all over you have a reliable way to repair.”
9. You’re adventurous and enjoy trying new things together.
If it’s less than a year into your relationship and things already feel stale between you, take note and take action. Because as the years go by, it’s only going to become more of challenge to keep things fresh. Couples who are already in the habit of changing things up — by visiting different places, taking up a hobby together or making plans with new friends — are more likely to go the distance.
“Couples that can grow together, stay together,” Johnnywriter said. “Exploring new things and having fun help keep the passion alive in a relationship. Set the stage for making adventure a part of your relationship”
BONUS: You spice things up in the bedroom, too.
No, that doesn’t mean you have to indulge every one of your partner’s wild fantasies, especially any that you aren’t comfortable with. But keeping an open mind where you can and finding ways to satisfy each other’s needs will set you up for a fulfilling sex life for years to come.
“You don’t have to like all the same things but you can enjoy them as a form of intimacy,” Chavez said. “You are open to trying new things together and getting out of your comfort zone.”
In as much as sex is awesome, Sex can sometimes be demanding and confusing too. Want To Have Great Sex? I have 19 Things You Should Never Say During Sex. If you’ve been with your partner over a fairly long period of time, you’re probably in-sync with what he likes, what you like and the works. However, if you’re in a relatively new relationship and have not yet explored each other’s sexual virtues and vices, this article might come handy. Now everyone has a different type of sex drive, and figuring out your partner’s type will make your life a whole lot easier and your sex a whole lot better. And while that whole process may take a while, here’s some advice on where you can start…
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Talking during sex is not everyone’s cup of tea, but if you’re the kind who enjoys it and wants to initiate it to test the waters, make sure you know what you’re doing. Sometimes it doesn’t take much to turn someone off, especially if you’re blurting out things that throw him off. If you’re going to go there – do it well. To help you out, we’ve rounded off the top 19 things that you should absolutely refrain from saying during a hot lovemaking session. Take note, ladies!
14. “I have a confession…” 15.“When would you like to meet my parents?” 16. “You’re not hard enough.” 17. “Are you going to cum?” 18. “How many people have you slept with?” 19. “I’m bored.”
I want to give you 14 solid Signs Your Best Friend Is Jealous Of Your Relationship. So you are desperate to know if someone you called a friend is jealous of your relationship? maybe the two of you have been hoping and dreaming of having boyfriends/girlfriends all year long, so why isn’t he/she happy for you? Are they jealous because they hasn’t found someone yet? Or are they jealous that they no longer the number one priority in your life? Here are some signs that might be the case…
1) They sigh every time you mention your boyfriend’s name.
It’s only been two weeks and they’re already sick of hearing about your date nights and romantic strolls in the park. You start to tell them a story and you can tell they couldn’t give a flying fuck about how your “Netflix and chill” actually wasn’t just Netflix and chill after all….
2) They get pissed off when you don’t text back for ages.
You guys used to talk all day every day, but since you’ve found yourself a significant other, texting has cut back quite a lot. You don’t have the same amount of time dedicated to texting your bestie in the evenings because you’re also texting bae. You know they’re jealous when they cause a big argument just because it took you longer than four minutes to text back.
3) They’ve started spending more time with other friends instead of you.
Ouch. They feel like you’ve replaced them with your new boyfriend, so they do the same thing to you by hanging out with other friends. That can be extremely bitchy and hurtful because you haven’t purposely distanced yourself from them, it’s just happened naturally. It’s normal not to spend as much time with your best friend when you first start seeing someone, but as long as you haven’t abandoned all contact completely, your friend should respect the time you want to spend with your partner. After all, they can’t please you the way he can…
4) They expect the nightly phone calls to continue, even when you’re at his house.
This is a real “What the fuck” moment. Expecting you to call them when you’ve made plans with your boyfriend is beyond ridiculous, especially when they want the phone call to last at least half an hour. How would she feel if you rang your boyfriend every time you stayed at hers? Possessive much?
5) They threaten to reveal your sex secrets all the time.
It’s gotten to the stage where you don’t even know if you can trust them with your secrets anymore. You’re always worried they’ll spill the beans some night and embarrass you in front of everyone, just because they resent how much time you spend with your boyfriend. That’s just plain crazy, if you ask me.
6) They refuse to meet up in a group with his friends.
Another sign of the green-eyed monster is when she won’t make the effort to get to know his group of friends. All she’s interested in is spending time alone with you, away from any boys. Having a best friend that refuses to get along with your partner and his friends can make things extremely difficult and awkward, especially when you’re trying to plan group events.
7) They have nothing nice to say when you tell them good news anymore.
Your boyfriend got you concert tickets for your birthday and you’re SO excited to tell your best friend. Shocker, they are less than enthusiastic. They resent the fact that you’re going to this amazing concert without them and chances are, when you make a picture from that night your new profiler, they won’t like it. Oh, snap.
8) They say they’re “just kidding” when they throw digs at you.
It started off as playful remarks and jokes, but now it’s gotten to the stage where you can hear the venom in their words. You get the feeling they’re being serious when they tell you that your dress makes you look chubby and that your boyfriend thinks you’re really a bad kisser.
9) They constantly creep on his Facebook page to find potential dirt on him.
Your bestie is obsessed with looking for reasons to slate your boyfriend, even if it’s over a status he made about “going out on the pull” three years ago.
10) You can feel them shooting you daggers when you’re getting touchy feely with your boyfriend.
There’s nothing more uncomfortable than feeling someone staring at you while you’re getting frisky with your fella, particularly when it’s your friend that’s watching. You feel like they’re judging every action you make and would do anything to get in between the two of you. Only one way to deal with that shit: Get the fuck away stat.
11) They always bring up your exes when you’re with your boyfriend.
Oh, hell-to-the-no. You did not just mention Cain again. What the fuck are you doing to me?!
12) You start to notice them flirting with your fella when you’re not looking.
They may hate his living guts, but they’ll still try to lure him out of his relationship cloud and show the true player in him. You catching him flirting with your bestie is sure to break you guys up, right? Not if it’s blatantly obvious that it’s her doing the flirting and he’s just trying to be nice, it isn’t.
13) They spend nights out sulking on the sofas while you dance with your man.
When they’re not staring at you from a distance, they’re moping around the dark corners of the nightclub, wishing the night would end and kind of hating you a little.
14) Or they follow the two of you around for the entire night.
Here are Creepy Things Every Girl Does when she has a crush
We have a lot of creepy things we do as women when crushing on a guy. Have you ever realized that you know basically everything about your crush even though you’ve barely spoke two words to each other, like ever? Or how you literally can’t. stop. staring at your crush whenever they’re around? Having a crush can make you do things that are sorta strange, maybe even a bit cray cray. Here are 13 things everyone does when they’re crushing on someone.
1. You Facebook/Insta stalk them. You do this so much that you’ve accidentally liked an old photo from 86 weeks ago on their Instagram. So. Embarrassing.
2. You plan your entire future in your head. We’ll go to the same college and study abroad in Spain together. After we graduate, we’ll have our wedding in Cinderella’s castle at Disneyland and name our kids something unique like Blue Ivy or North West.
3. You know the names of every person in their family, including their pets. You also know random things about them, like their favorite food, color, TV show, and band…even though your longest conversation consisted of three words: “What up?” “Nothing.”
4. You purposely hang out at places you know your crush will be. So what if you HATE sports? You’re going to every football, basketball, and lacrosse game from now on, because you know who will be there.
5. You and your BFFs have a ~top secret~ code name for your crush. “OMG. I saw green eyes in the hall and we made eye contact! I think they’re into me!!!” You might have your own ship name, too.
6. You know where your crush is at any single moment. You know what class they have every period and even where they are after school and on the weekends. you know when they are coming back
7. You stare at your phone, waiting for them to text you back. Any time it buzzes you FREAK out hoping it’s bae.
8. You play weird games and take quizzes online to see if your crush is into you. Bae loves me, bae loves me not…*BAE LOVES ME BACK*!! this can be crazy but we just don’t mind.
9. You remember (and constantly talk to your friends about) every single interaction you’ve ever had with your crush. That time he made eye contact with you in the cafe and that time he bumped into to you in the hall after first period—those moments are extra ~special~ to you.
10. The moment you see your crush with someone else, you start Facebook/Insta stalking that person, too. You have to find out who this person is and if your crush is dating them. You find yourself stalking them everywhere, this can be creepy
11. You have imaginary conversations with your crush. You know, so if you ever actually have a real convo, you’ll be prepared.
12. You get really upset when you waste a cute #OOTD because your crush isn’t at school to see it. But if there’s even the slightest chance you’ll bump into your crush, you’ll get all decked out.
13. Any day that your crush smiles/says hi/looks at you is the best day. Because having a crush is one of the best feelings ever. They always put a smile on your face with or without a word. These set of people knows how to make you happy.
What are some weird or borderline creepy things you’ve done when crushing on someone? Spill in the comments below! and don’t forget to subscribe to our blog by clicking this link. When you subscribe you will stand a chance of downloading free eBooks and book for relationship counseling.
Tricks to Help You Get Over Your Crush Emotionally but know that nothing beats the butterflies you get in your stomach when you realize you have a crush. When just the thought of making this person your new bae is enough to set an embarrassingly big smile across your face, you know you have it bad. While crushes can turn into beautiful, long-lasting relationships, they can also go the other way. Maybe your crush has feelings for someone else, or they’re already in a relationship or they’ve ghosted you because they’re just not that into you. Even if you never even uttered two words to your crush, it can be heartbreaking to be totally obsessed with someone who isn’t available, into you, or right for you.
Sometimes you just need to cut a crush loose. The ups and downs can be too much to handle, and taking a step back can be crucial when it comes to self-care. Seriously. To help you through the grueling process, here’s exactly how to get over a crush…
1. Think about how the crush is affecting you.
So how do you know if you need to get over your crush? The answer: When the bad feelings start to outweigh the good. Do you feel amazing after talking to them or do you leave feeling a little empty? Are you trying to get their attention and it’s just not happening? Are you seeing a side of them that you don’t like? Sometimes you might want to get over a crush because the rollercoaster ride of emotions is making you want to vom. Or maybe, they just aren’t into you or available. If that’s the case, there’s no point in torturing yourself, and moving on will free you up to become available for someone who’s actually right for you.
There are a million reasons why a crush might not become more. Love and even “like” can be complicated AF. If you feel like something just isn’t right, trust yourself. I know you probably hear this from your friends all the time, but seriously: If they are not treating you like gold, they are not worth it.
2. Focus on yourself.
While you might be really feeling down in the dumps, this period can be the perfect time to work on the most important relationship you have: the one with yourself. Focus on what you can control. Go for a walk, make a list of your goals, work on a new skill. Channel all this energy into something positive and meaningful. You may as well put it somewhere, right?
3. Do something special.
Don’t know where to start when it comes to focusing on yourself? Start by doing something that makes you feel special. Go get your nails done, make your favorite meal, or buy that cute workout set you’ve been eyeing forever. You deserve the world and this will help remind you that.
4. Distract yourself.
Is there a new Netflix show you’ve been eyeing? This is the perfect time to start it. Try to keep from obsessing over your crush by distracting yourself with activities, plans, anything that will keep you busy.
5. Don’t go looking for a new crush.
And when I say distract yourself, I don’t mean with someone new because you could just end up in the same situation all over again. Besides, instead of idealizing someone you may never get, try to find someone more accessible that could result in a healthy relationship. For now, though, maybe just lay off the crush-finding for at least a little while. Read This Are You Struggling Because Your Ex Has Moved On? Read This
6. A little distance goes a long way.
One thing to think about: Crushes are kind of like bug bites—the more attention you pay to them by itching and scratching, the harder it is to heal in peace. If you usually sit by them in math, maybe switch seats for a little bit. And if you know they always hit up Chipotle after school, maybe get your after-class burrito delivered for a week or so. Trust me, the distance will help.
7. Do not look at their social media accounts.
This is probably both the most obvious advice and the hardest to follow. Stop stalking them on social media. Even though you see them in school, it doesn’t mean you need to suffer through them popping up on your Snapchat and dominating your Insta feed. Say it with me: unfollow them (or at least mute their profile). Just try not to stalk them online—it’s only going to make you feel worse
8. You do you.
Get busy. And be super proactive about it. Max out your group text with plans for stuff to do on the weekends and, if it makes you feel better, Instagram the hell out of all of your awesome friend dates! Maybe there’s a hobby you’ve wanted to pick up or an after school club you dropped that you want to get back into? Do it! If someone isn’t going to make time for you, then you need to make more time for yourself.
9. Don’t rush it.
OK, this next one is a little tricky, but stay with me: Getting over a crush can make you feel like your heart is literally on fire. Why? Because these tricky things called feelings have minds of their own. That being said, sometimes you just need to acknowledge your feelings to help get over something. Try acknowledging them, giving them a hug, and then just letting them chill for a little. Forcing yourself to get over it can sometimes make it worse. Read This 10 Secrets On How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex
10. Allow yourself to be sad.
And along with not rushing it, you can even take some time to really be sad. Don’t ignore your emotions and keep them bottled up. They’re there whether you like it or not. I’m not saying lay in bed for a week straight, but give yourself the time to experience your emotions. Maybe take out a journal and write down how you’re feeling, or just grab your pillow and enjoy a good cry. Remember, you’re only human.
11. Write it out.
Actually, let’s talk about the journal for a second because even if you’ve never used one or you don’t consider yourself to be much of a writer, getting your feelings out onto paper can be extremely cathartic. It doesn’t have to be good, just let your thoughts spill out onto the page, or write a letter to your ex-crush that you aren’t going to send (just don’t address the envelope, *ahem* Lara Jean).
12. Stop idealizing your crush.
When you were crushing hard, you were probably putting your crush on a pedestal. Maybe you thought they were perfect in every way and that’s why you were so into them. Now, stop doing that. No one is perfect, even your crush, and if you continue to think that, it will just make the healing harder. When you can finally be realistic about your crush, it will make getting over them much easier.
13. Talk to someone you trust.
There’s no reason to go through this alone. Grab a friend, parent, or sibling and ask them to sit down with you to chat. Talking through the situation will help so much and your pal will be able to provide you with clarity and perspective. Plus, after you’ve talked it out, hopefully they can make you smile, if only for a second.
14. Ask for a temporary ban on crush-related conversation.
While you’re talking to your friend, ask them to not bring up your ex-crush for a little bit. No more sending their Instagram Stories in your group messages or discussing who they asked to prom. It’s normal that you need a little space for a bit, and your friends should respect that.
15. Know that you aren’t alone.
You’re hardly the first person to experience unrequited love and you won’t be the last, but sometimes, when going through heartbreak, it can seem like no one understands how you feel. In reality, almost everyone has felt the same way at some point in their life, and reminding yourself of that can help you feel less alone.
16. Find a way to get closure.
It can be hard to get closure when there was no actual relationship to get closure from, but finding a way to end the narrative may help you get over the situation. Maybe get rid of some things that remind you of them. Or when you are feeling better, prove that to yourself by chatting with them in between classes without going into a complete tizzy afterwards. Trust me, doing that will make you feel like a complete Rockstar.
17. Stay strong.
We’re not going to sit here and tell you that it’ll all be alright, that you’re young and you’ll have so many relationships after this. (We’ll leave it to your parents to say all that stuff.) But we will say that your feelings are real and true because you have depth and brilliance and, seriously, who would be stupid enough to pass that up? You got this.
We all know “Hailey Baldwin” and even if you don’t, you should know that she is Justin Bieber’s wife. Honestly, we should all bow down to Hailey Baldwin. She’s been crushing on Justin Bieber since he was singing “One Time,” and now, she’s Mrs. Bieber. So, how did she turn a crush into the real thing? Here’s everything you need to know to get your crush to like you back. so here are 14 Tips On How To Get Your Crush To Like You Back Immediately
1. Put yourself out there.
I know it can be super scary, but sometimes you just have to make the first move. You can’t expect your crush to read your mind and figure out on their own that you’re majorly crushing. Ask them on a study date, go out of your way to talk to them, invite them over for a movie marathon. Once they see you’re interested, they may just return the feelings, and everything will fall in to place. Don’t wait around for years for your crush to look your way, make things happen!
2. Listen!
I get it, talking about yourself is so fun, but your crush probably doesn’t care about the time when your BFF fell in front of everyone at the mall (even though it was hilarious). While you should, of course, share info about yourself, make sure you’re also listening to your crush (not on your phone while they tell you about their siblings). Ask questions, remain engaged, and take note of what they say. Your crush will really appreciate it when you send them a text wishing them luck on the test they casually mentioned a few days before.
3. Find out what your crush is passionate about.
If you want to ~really~ get to know someone, find out what they care about. If you see your crush is volunteering at Planned Parenthood, ask them what draws them to the organization, or maybe see if you can volunteer together. Jean Smith, a social psychologist says, “If you get someone to talk about something they like, it’s going to put that person in a good mood, and you become part of the good vibes.”
Personally, there is nothing that makes me more attracted to my crush than seeing them light up over a cause or hobby that they’re truly passionate about. Asking questions about what is important to them will not only make you feel closer to them, but will also help you understand what type of person they are.
4. Make eye contact.
Nothing is worse than being on a date and having weak eye-contact. Seriously! My advice? If you like someone and are sitting across the table from them, keep eye contact throughout your entire conversation. You don’t have to stare at them while they’re shoving food in their mouth, but avoid looking down when you’re talking or looking around the room or at your phone. If you look away from them, it’ll make you seem uninterested or signal to your crush that you’d rather be anywhere else. No one wants that! Besides, eye-contact will also make you appear more confident, which will only make you appear more attractive to them.
5. Buy your crush a hot drink.
Okay, tbh I’ve never tried this, BUT according to a recent study at Yale University, when someone is holding a warm drink they are more likely to view whomever they are talking to…aka YOU…. as having a personality they’re attracted to. And science is never wrong, so you may as well try it out! Now I have even more of a reason to go on a PSL date with my crush tn.
6. Don’t be afraid to confess your feelings.
I know that it seems “cool” to play the game, and I’ve definitely had my fair share of moments when playing the game has been effective to helping me get closer to my crush. But, tbh when I look back at my past four relationships, none of them have begun after playing hard to get. Instead, they’ve manifested into meaningful relationship after one of us was honest about our feelings for each other. I know this takes bravery, but if I’ve done it FOUR times in my life (and never regretted it once), you can do it too.
7. Be yourself!
In my opinion, one of the worst mistakes you can make while flirting is pretending to be someone you’re not actually IRL. Here’s the thing, if you’re pretending to be someone you think your crush will like, then you’re doomed if they start to like this version of you because it’s not you! Seriously. From the second you start hanging out with your crush to when you ~ eventually maybe become official~, be yourself because you want your crush to like YOU, not a version of you.
8. Put your phone down in front of them!
This should go without saying, but put down your phone when you’re with your crush. Your time is precious with them, and you’re obviously going to text your BFF everything afterwards anyway. So, the YouTube makeup tutorials and group chats can wait… Be present with your crush. Ask them questions. Tell them about yourself, your favorite books, and your dreams. Don’t be distracted. Give them your full undivided attention. They’re your crush after all. They deserve it.
Talk to your friends about them.
This will help give you perspective on your ~crush situation~. Tell your besties about what you talk about together, what they text you, and then re-evaluate the whole thing. Friends can be really helpful in giving you perspective on the whole situation, since when you’re crushing on someone it’s hard to see things objectively. Maybe they like you more than you thought! Or maybe, you don’t like them as much as you initially thought when you first laid eyes on them in volleyball practice.
10. Don’t talk about your old crushes.
No matter what happens. You should never talk about old baes, crushes, flings, dates, or breakups with your new crush. How would you feel if you if your crush spoke about their old crushes and baes? Plus, that’s the quickest way to ‘friend-zone’ anyone in your life. Besides, taking about old romances are what group chats are for!
11. Vocalize what you appreciate about them.
Try to be genuine about this. Is it the way they walk into math class and almost always sit next to you? Is it the ideas they contribute in English class? A sport they excel at? The way their hair falls? What is it about them that bombards your thoughts? What makes them special? This is sometimes harder to pinpoint than you think, but once you do figure out what exactly it is, don’t be afraid to tell them. Everyone loves hearing compliments, and I’m sure your crush would be nothing but honored to receive an earnest compliment from someone as amazing as you.
12. Never forget your self-worth.
Just because you have a totally consuming crush, doesn’t mean you’re any less strong emotionally. Remind yourself of this before your first date, and, hopefully, as you eventually become closer with your crush. There is so much to like about you…. How would anyone not crush on you?
Now, you got this. Go be confident. Be self-assured. Put your phone down and go speak with your crush about their weekend plans. If I can do it, you can too!
13. Don’t be afraid to get a lil touchy-feely. “The occasional subtle touch enhances our feelings toward each other, whether it be picking up an imaginary hair off a shoulder or a gentle pat on the arm as you laugh at a joke,” says Johnnywriter. This applies especially for all of you physical touch love languagers.
14. Spend lots of time with them. This may be the more obvious one of the mix, but quality time is everything. I mean, how are you going to get to know someone unless you spend time with them? It’s a thing called “The mere exposure effect” and it “refers to the fact that simply being around someone often and long enough will increase their liking of you,” says Johnnywriter.
You are here because you don’t want to make mistake that will lead to heartbreak in your new or next relationship right? I have 15 Things You Need To Know About Relationship To Avoid Heartbreak a well arranged facts you need to know about relationship and consider before going into relationship with that guy/girl you are madly in love with.
1. You have to share the same values to avoid heartbreak. If you have differing opinions on Cold play or you don’t share the same sleep number, you’ll probably be OK. But no long-term relationship can survive if you don’t agree on things like when to seriously start saving money to buy a home, when to turn off your cell phones and spend time with your families, and whether or not to have kids.
2. Only you can decide what’s best for you and your relationship. Ask your friends and family for advice all you want — and listen to it! They know you and love you — but if your heart is telling you to do the opposite, listen to it and be careful else heartbreak will set in.
3. Show your partner you care about the things he/she cares about else heartbreak will set in. Here’s a great rule: if one of you cares about it, it isn’t stupid. (Even if it’s stupid.)
4. The couples who stay together forever work through the things that could break them up. No relationship is perfect or without the occasional blow-up, but the couples who stay together for decades and decades are the ones who take the rough times in stride and always prioritize their commitment to each other over fights and hard times.
5. Sex matters. Sex is a physical way to show the person you love how much you care about them. It’s doesn’t have to be your number one priority all the time.
6. Sometimes when one person’s life changes so their values will also change. Moving to a new city for a job or school, losing a parent, or getting a huge promotion at work can change how a person approaches life.
If this happens and you find that your values no longer align, it’s fine to move on and find someone who is on the same page as you.
7. DON’T SNOOP. If you’re insecure, talk about it. Snooping always backfires. Always!
8. If you spend all your time looking for someone who’s exactly like the ex you’re still in love with, you’ll never find anyone. At best, you’ll get a crummy knockoff of your ex, rather than a unicorn you love for being the unicorn he is.
9. Looks, height, job description, or income bracket won’t make someone love you more. If you refuse to date anyone who doesn’t meet a set of criteria, you might find yourself spending more time looking for someone who checks off boxes than someone who adores the hell out of you and makes you really freaking happy.
10. Your relationship doesn’t compare to anyone else’s. Your parents had an awful divorce? That doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. That couple you know who seems ten times more perfect than you and your significant other? Either they’re psychopaths who suppress all their feelings in an effort to seem perfect or they fight when you’re not looking. Stop comparing!
11. You can’t change another person. People change all the time of their own accord, but never go into a relationship planning to mold the other person to your liking. If someone does change for the sake of a relationship working, it has to come from him/her, not you.
12. If your relationship makes you feel bad way more than it makes you feel great, end it. Your relationship isn’t always going to be all smiles and cuddles, but if you realize you haven’t been having fun or feeling good about yourself the majority of the time, and it stems from your relationship, this isn’t the right relationship for you.
13. No one can read your mind. If you want him to make you dinner on Valentine’s Day, you can’t say you “don’t care” about Valentine’s Day and then get upset when he doesn’t do anything for you on Valentine’s Day. If you need or want something from him, you have to tell him!
14. Communication is the key to solving problems and preventing fights. Use “I” statements. Don’t yell at each other. If you’re going to fight, make sure it’s productive and you solve the problem so you don’t have the same draining fight over and over again.
15. Your relationship is everything. When you look back at your life, you won’t wish you spent more time answering email or looking at Facebook. You’ll think about the person you loved and all the amazing things you did together.
So fragile, yet lovely; this is the most fitting definition to any relationship, be it marriage, romance or living together. No one is perfect in the world, at least when it comes to relationships. People often commit mistakes. It is a common rule referring the human behavior that men learn from mistakes. But at the same time, some mistakes, if committed may cause irreparable damage to relationships and life itself.
It is always advisable to avoid relationship mistakes as relationships are union of two people; thus a mistake committed may affect both of them. Certain mistakes may lead to unfixable breakups and being sorry after committing a mistake may not help regaining the trust and love of the person. Let us see some of the most common mistakes people commit when they are in relationships.
Losing Control
If you want to sustain the relationship further or for the lifetime, be in control of yourself. Many people lose control easily, especially with the life partner. Marriage or mutual agreement of getting into relationship is not a license to express as you feel it. Losing control is a sign of considering the partner less important or inferior. Frequent act of losing control in conversations or actions may irritate the partner and lessen the intensity of the romance between two. Learn hoe to control your emotions hereEnslaved To My Emotions
Lack of Communication
Communication is the only way for two people to know each other and understand the mind or each person. It also conveys the love, passion and all other feelings one holds for the other. Many people get into ill communication with partners and as a result the relationship may become less intense. It is common that people complaining of lack of conversation between the couples.
Talking to each other boosts the relationship and reduces possible tensions. It is helpful to communicate what a person needs from the other and what is expected. Lack of communication or ill communication is equally destructive elements in a relationship. Your communication style should be one that gives enough respect to the listener.
No Overnight Arguments
Do not take your arguments to the next day and be always vigilant to put an end to the arguments before you go to bed. Many people get into unwanted arguments and continue with the same topic when they get up the next day. In a relationship, arguments should not be considered as a sign of dignity or status. Even if you feel that you are right and the other person is absolutely wrong, when the other person doesn’t give up, you can be silent for the sake of peaceful living and happy relationship.
Denial of Sex
Sex is inevitable in relationships especially in marriage. Do not consider sex as your favor to the partner and never deny it as a resistance or protest to him/her. When a partner is denied with sex, he/she may feel hurt and may feel less interested in the relationship. Better you can solve all the issues by proper communication before you get into the bed and start anew with satisfying sexual activities. When somebody protests by denying the sex to him/her, the person may look for the sexual satisfaction in some other person and the relationship may suffer a breakup. Read This 13 Ways to Give Your Partner Multiple Orgasms.
Lack of Romance and Commitment
Many relationships suffer from lack of romance and commitment. People in relationship should not hold back the expressions of romance to the other person. At no situations, romance is improper in marriage. In fact romance is the most obvious expression of affection and love in a relationship. Being committed to the partner is equally important to expressing romance. Unfaithful partners are the most common reason behind divorce and breakups. If you want the relationship to go proceed happily, then be committed to the partner and always maintain the trust with him/her. Read This Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship (A must read)
CONCLUSION
Keeping secrets from the partner is a mistake many people commit in relationships. Secrets and unrevealed realms in life may make the partners feel poles apart and unattached. Never keep secrets from the partner and importantly, even if you keep secrets, you partner should not come to know that you keep secrets from him/her.
The truth is, No matter what you’re looking for, chances are you can find it on the web. But can you find love online? As it turns out, yes! All you need is the right mindset, with these 5 Ways to Find Real Love Online and the right tools for the job. Here, we look at the five things that can help you find online success.
Looking for Love? Online Dating is the New Normal
As online dating sites become more and more normalized, it’s no longer so strange for singles to admit that they’re actively trying to meet people online. Yet, despite the surge in popularity, some stigma remains – you may have heard someone insisting that dating apps are designed for one night dates, rather than lasting relationships. Happily for those looking for a real connection, this statement is simply not true. Yes, if you’re in the market for a bit of fun, there are sites and apps that can provide. But, it’s also entirely possible to get serious and find love online. It all hinges on how you approach the search…
How to Find Love Online: Five Things to Remember
1. Putting effort into your dating profile pays off
They say that, in life, you get out what you put in, and this is certainly true of meeting people and finding love online. The person who has taken the time to create a vibrant. engaging dating profile is sure to get more attention and interaction than the person with no photo and a sparse description.
But what exactly is a vibrant dating profile? In brief, a great profile demonstrates why you’re someone worth spending time with. Maybe you crack a few jokes, maybe you describe your most interesting hobby – whatever you choose to write, make it something you’d like to read. And definitely, definitely add a photo: Study found that 52% of people wouldn’t even click on a profile without a picture!
2. You don’t have to be appealing to everyone
You might think that the best way to find love online is to try and appeal to everyone, for who knows what your ideal match will be searching for? But here’s the thing: if they’re your ideal match, they’ll be interested in you, not in some bland, mass-marketed dating profile.
Don’t be afraid to be your unique self online – it might not make everyone in the world swoon, but you aren’t trying to date everyone in the world! If you’re looking for love online, you’ll have a better chance of finding an authentic connection if you focus on being yourself right from the start.
3. Know your non-negotiables
Successful online dating isn’t just about connecting with people who like you: it’s also about finding people that you like. It can pay to be open-minded here (after all, you want to meet a person, not a checklist), but that doesn’t mean accepting every flirtation. In fact, if you’re looking for a serious relationship, it’s important to know what you will and won’t compromise on.
4. Positivity can go a long way
Positive people attract ”reciprocally nourishing interactions.” The theory is simple: people seeking a happy, lasting relationship are most likely to look for it with someone who is themselves happy and positive.
This doesn’t mean that you have to fake being 100% happy all of the time; more that when you’re looking for love, it can pay to focus on the good things in your life.
Instead of filling your dating profile with dislikes and turn-offs, try talking about what you do like, and reap the rewards of a positive attitude.
5. Want to find love? Make sure to pick the right site
If you wanted to cut filet mignon, you’d be more efficient with a steak knife than a butter knife. If you wanted to paint your house, you’d be better off with a paint roller than a toothbrush. In other words, if you want to get a job done right, you need the right tools. The same is true when trying to find love online.
There are a wealth of dating websites out there – and you need one tailored for your needs. If you want a long-term, lasting relationship, then avoid the hook-up sites, and look for a serious dating site full of singles who also want long-term, lasting relationships. It’s that simple!. Register with us to meet new people and read this How to Make Online Dating Fun
Everyday I receive many emails about moving on from a past relationship and I speak to so many people I work with who are so petrified that when their ex moves on, that they will be forgotten, that this other person they’re with will FINALLY be the one to change them and get the BEST of them. Are You Struggling Because Your Ex Has Moved On?
I’m here to tell you again that 99% of the time, this simply isn’t the case at all.
If you’ve been through a breakup, regardless of who you’re ex is dating, sleeping with or actually in a relationship with now, the very nature of the breakup happening means that something pretty substantial wasn’t right between the two of you.
Oftentimes, we look for the most immediate thing that will dull the pain of heartache. For some that’s food or substances. For others it’s social media, Netflix or TV. Much of the time, it’s other people that we look to as the solution to heartbreak. Sometimes it can be a toxic cocktail of a few things. Read This 10 Secrets On How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex
Some people will look to date and date and date to numb the overwhelming emotion they’re feeling about the breakup. Partly because they can’t deal with the breakup and to fill the void of not having you in their life any more. Mainly though, because they can’t deal with the root cause of what’s going on with themselves emotionally.
Most of the people I speak who are going through a breakup have experienced a relationship that was full of drama. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Their ex has displayed narcissistic tendencies, completely blindsided them, consistently treated them badly or acted out of character. All of these things reveal much more going on beneath the surface. The breakup (which let me assure you – needed to happen if this was the case) was merely a signpost to what’s truly going on and getting with someone else quicker than me to a new episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is their attempt at ignoring the signpost and running in the other direction. Getting a high from something and someone else to avoid the true source of their pain. Read This 15 Solid Ways to Move On When You Still Love Your Ex
What you need to know when you’re worrying about them being with someone else, is that a person can’t change another person. All might be rosy in the garden of romance now between them and their new boyfriend/girlfriend but those old patterns that you witnessed probably time and time over like groundhog day will gradually start to reappear in this new relationship or dynamic too. It’s currently serving as a quick fix. The new person won’t get the ‘best’ of them and you won’t be ‘missing out’ because they don’t have the power to create that in your ex. Just like you don’t, which is why getting back together isn’t the answer either. Read This Learn How to Let Go of a Past Relationship Using These 10 Steps
So instead of focusing on your ex and the new guy/girl, even though it will feel like the hardest thing to do, you have to focus on what’s important in this moment. You. If you’re totally consumed by thoughts of your ex, maybe you’re missing the signpost too? Maybe there’s a piece of you that can recognize in yourself what I’ve described above? When I say this I say it with absolute compassion, and it doesn’t mean that you were to blame. Not at all. But are you looking to getting your ex back as the solution to your pain? I know you might believe that getting back together will be the answer, but it won’t. All that will do is act as a temporary cover up so that you both don’t have to address what’s really going on as individuals. That is where the real change can only take place. Read This Learn How to Let Her Go and Move on with your Life
So the work isn’t in worrying if your ex will suddenly change now that he’s with someone else, a ploy to make him/her see what they’re missing or get them back. The work and true reward is in delving deep to the core of yourself and focusing on cultivating your own self-love, self-esteem, boundaries and inner wisdom. Read ThisMy boyfriend left me suddenly without any explanation. What should I do?
I know that everyone wants a sexy quick fix. But honestly, it’s not the answer. I can assure you though, that what’s on the other side of self-discovery, trusting your intuition and actually trusting yourself, your worth and your abilities to then instill those boundaries and live with authentic intention by them, is far sweeter than getting back into a relationship that was broken. Where the one or two people in it are more willing to ride out over and over something that’s sub-standard than to step away and do the work that will lead to something so much more real and beautiful for each of them.
Like many things, it’s harder short-term but the reward is far greater.
Whilst your ex isn’t willing to do the work right now, you can be. You can come through this happier, wiser, more intentional, assured, confident and at peace with yourself.
If you choose to.
It doesn’t mean you will suddenly forget your ex and not have these thoughts. Not at all. That’s ok though because you are not your thoughts and you have the ability to choose what you do with those thoughts and how you react to them.
What it does mean, is that you will be taking full ownership of your own emotional health and happiness. Those thoughts of your ex will start to fade bit by bit once you start to put yourself at the center stage of your life.
I thought of proven tricks to help women understand the psychological ways on How To Make Him Chase You and how to make a man fall at your feet.
It is the role of a man to chase girls. But if he isn’t interested in you, what do you do?
It is normal for guys to chase after women. This is because men are hardwired to chase whatever they desire. There are moments when you will come across a man you love and desire and you’d like him to chase after you. What do you do if the guy doesn’t show interest in you? For some women, they will not have a problem chasing after dudes and will always take the lead in such circumstances.
Some men can be turned off by this behavior. This is particularly because men enjoy doing the chase themselves. The moment a woman throws herself at him, it means he won’t have much to do. If you want to make a guy chase after you, there are several tricks that you can use.
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This is a crazy world, living in this world means we have things that we love and things that we hate. We love to be surrounded by the people we love and love us. Experiencing an accident that made we feel sad, surely we hate it, and we do not want to be in that condition anymore. But, what if something that we love turns out into something that we hate?
This is the topic that I would like to share with you today, which is about how to tell if your best friend is sleeping with your partner. There are a lot of causes regarding this problem such as the occurrence of the signs your best friend is secretly jealous of you and etc.
Why He/She Is Cheating On Me?
To know how to tell if your best friend is sleeping with your partner, the first thing that you need to know is the reason behind it. Here are some..
1. You don’t know Your Partner Too Well
Maybe you think you have tried to create a good communication with your partner by being so open to them in hope they will do the same thing. But, you may not know about the cause of those telling little white lies causing big problems in relationship. No matter how small the lie you made to them, once they realize it, they will see you in another point of view.
Secondly, they never loves you. There are some people who love to live in the spotlight where they become the center of attention. People like these won’t be able to live alone or feeling lonely because they need other people recognition of themselves.
Your partner can be classified into that group of people. They wants to be with you only to get your attention and wider their social circle. By then, they will not feel all alone anymore. Read This Mistakes you should not make at the beginning of a relationship.
Signs That They Cheated On You
1. Always excited about your best friend
You and your partner are two different human beings with different background and preference. Sometimes there are things that you like but they don’t.
For example, you like playing games with your friends and when he/she knows you are playing games with your friend, they may choose to go out. One sign that they are attracted to your best friend is that they will be there when he/she is around even when you do things they doesn’t like.
2. They Wants you to be like your best friend
Relationship means accepting our partner for who they are. We accept them for who they are and never had a concern to change them the way we want. Being in a relationship means accepting and not changing someone into somebody else. When someone is comparing you with another person, it means that they want to change you into something that they want.
3. Nervous every time you say your best friend’s name
As a couple, you and your partner will maintain a good communication. Whether you are trying to keep the good communication going by telling them your problem or how was your day going. Another sign that they cheated is, they will look nervous when you say your best friend’s name. Someone who feels guilty will look nervous most of the time.
4. Has a busier schedule
Maybe you have a routine with your partner each week, but now he/she is not able to do it under the reason that he/she is getting busier. The same thing happened with your best friend too, whether because he/she is busy because of work or other things.
Those are the information I can give you about how to tell if your best friend is sleeping with your girlfriend.
Remember to keep seeing a problem from some point of view to help you not become judgmental. This will help you to shape a better personality and having a better solution to a problem. If you notice any of these signs please do well to comment below or talk to a counselor on how to deal with it.
