Knowing what to say to a girl on Tinder can be tough. You want to impress her and keep her interested, but you don’t want to come across as desperate or like you’re trying too hard. If you want to take things to the next level, you must start a conversation. These tips will get you going on how to talk to girls on Tinder the right way, and charm them in no time!
Remember, you compete with all the other guys she might have matched with. So move fast and just go for it—don’t wait for her to do it.
What do you want from girls on Tinder?
Before learning how to talk to girls on Tinder, you need to know what you want or at least what you’re open to.
If you want a relationship, you shouldn’t just run in head first with that. Get to know people and see where things go.
If you want to hook up or just get out there, be prepared for feelings that you didn’t expect. Are you open to a relationship if you meet someone you really like? Are you only ready for something casual? Will you dump a girl who isn’t ready to settle down ASAP?
Think about all of this before jumping into talking to girls on Tinder and getting anyone’s emotions involved.
How to talk to girls on Tinder
When you are talking to a girl on Tinder, remember you’ve already matched. There is some sort of attraction or interest level there.
Focus on that as a jumping-off point. Then, use that confidence to your advantage. You know you are attracted to one another, so now it’s all about the chat. Understanding how to talk to girls on Tinder is simple with these tested ways to go about it.
1. Be funny
Girls just love a guy who makes them laugh. In fact, it is constantly rated as one of the most important qualities girls look for in a guy. If you can say something funny as an icebreaker, then she’ll immediately know you are a witty guy—and that’s super attractive. And it makes it easier to talk to you.
Something like “How will we tell people we met?” is cute and not trying too hard either.
2. Be smooth
Trying to be smooth works wonders if you think you are chatting to a classy girl who likes to be wined and dined. Being smooth isn’t the same as being arrogant, but there is a fine line. Say something charming like, “I think you’re beautiful. I’d love to take you out for dinner.” This shows confidence which is a huge turn-on for lots of ladies.
3. Be sexy
Let’s be honest, while lots of people are on Tinder to find love, there are just as many who do it purely for the hookups. If that’s all you are looking for, there is no point beating around the bush about it. She’ll either love it or hate it!
If you’re prepared to take the risk, then just go for it. Being honest about what you want will get you what you want, and take a lot less time than leading someone on when you know you don’t want the same thing.
4. Read her profile
So many guys make the mistake of not reading a girl’s profile before talking to her on Tinder. I get that you thought she was gorgeous so you swiped, but now comes the time to make a connection. See what you can learn about her.
Swipe through her photos. Does she travel? Does she mention her favorite TV show in her profile? Did her profile mention what she’s looking for? Pay attention to what she’s giving you before you even put any effort in.
Keep things fun and flirty for a great response. To be flirty, point something out in one of her pictures that teases her, but in a cute and obviously joking way. When she responds, you compliment her in the next message and see where the conversation goes. If she starts flirting with you back, then you know you are onto a winner.
6. Be direct
Being direct can be the easiest way to go, from chatting on Tinder to meeting in person. If you are the kind of guy who likes to get things done, just ask her out directly. Chat with a girl who prefers the same? Well, then you’ll be a match made in heaven.
If she isn’t the type to meet up, maybe you won’t click. Or maybe you’ll enjoy a videochat or talking a bit more first.
7. Be honest
Don’t brag or make up things that aren’t true. It can be tempting sometimes to embellish the truth when we try to impress someone, but this rarely works out well.
Even if you don’t make tons of money, it is fine. Talk about your job and your hobbies. Be honest about the stuff that might make you geeky or unique. That is what makes you stand out. And don’t play it cool. Just be honest with her, tell her you like her, and she’ll probably be flattered and find it refreshing too.
8. Be kind
Show her how kind you are from the outset. Ladies love a kind gentleman. So many guys claim they are nice guys but truly aren’t. Show her, don’t tell her.
If you want to know how to talk to girls on Tinder the right way, make sure you show off your sweet side, and you’ll have her swooning in no time. Don’t overdo it with compliments, but be genuine.
9. Keep it simple
Don’t overthink things too much. Sometimes, a simple, “Hey, how are you doing?” is the best and easiest way to start a conversation. If you play it safe and keep things simple, at least you know you won’t do anything to put her off!
10. Be interested
There is nothing wrong with showing her you are keen from the outset. Tinder is made for matching people together, and the fact that you both swiped right means you can be sure she is interested in you too.
11. Take it slow
Don’t rush into things. The instant gratification of a match and a message can make you feel way more invested than you really are.
You don’t know her yet. Take your time and get to know her. You don’t need to be committed before you even meet.
12. Keep it casual
Keeping things short and sweet means you don’t have to spend too much time worrying about what you are saying. Instead, be casual, keep it simple, and see where it goes. Be open to the possibilities.
Really, you shouldn’t have to spend hours coming up with an amazing one-liner. It will get you stressed out before you have even begun. Just bite the bullet and go for it.
14. Ask questions
Make sure you ask questions. Show her you want to get to know her for who she is, not just her looks.
15. Be open
If she’s asked you something, don’t shy away from it. It makes it seem as though you aren’t listening to her, which is always off-putting.
It can be weird opening up to someone you don’t know, but that is how you get to know them.
16. Be wary of emojis
Emojis—some people love them, some people hate them. Play it safe and leave them out or use them very sparsely unless she starts sending them to you. Don’t go nuts with the emojis even if you think it is cute and playful.
Honestly, memes and gifs will offer more comedy and light-heartedness.
17. Be respectful
If you want to date this girl, perhaps it’s not a good idea to be overly forward right from the outset. Let it go if she doesn’t want to meet up until she feels a bond. If she doesn’t want to come over and would rather meet in public, respect that.
I have had so many guys tell me I’m paranoid for wanting to Facetime before meeting or wanting to meet in public. It was rude, anti-feminist, and a major turn-off. It’s safe to say I didn’t meet any of them. You have been warned!
18. Remember your end goal
Tinder is a platform to try and meet someone you could start a relationship with. Keep your end goal in mind, and if the conversation goes on for days and days, it’s probably a good time to ask her out before she loses interest.
19. Know you’re worthy
This is something you guys often forget. Just because this girl is so hot, or you believe her to be out of your league, doesn’t mean it’s true. You are worthy of finding someone and being happy.
Anyone would be lucky to date you. Sure, every girl won’t see that, but that is okay. Remember that.
20. Use pick-up lines as jokes
Don’t use pick-up lines seriously. They are cheesy and awkward. But, if you can play it right and have fun with it, use them as jokes. Start with a funny, not gross, pick-up line.
If she gets your sense of humor, things will start flowing nicely.
21. You only need the right one
If you are looking for a relationship, remember you only need one person to be the right person. Like me, you could be rejected hundreds of times before meeting your person. You don’t need every girl you talk to on Tinder to be the one.
Just be yourself and when you start talking with the right person it will feel different.
22. Don’t be gross
I don’t care how many male-driven comedies told you saying gross things is cocky or confident or sexy. It isn’t.
NEVER ask for nude photos. Never comment on her body, even if she is wearing a swimsuit in a photo. You can tell her she is stunning or looks amazing in blue, but avoid commenting on or even complimenting her body. It will sound creepy from a guy she’s never met.
Don’t just try to get to know her. Your goal isn’t to get her to like you. Your goal is to get to know her and see if you like each other.
Let her know how your day was. Talk about work or how annoying your commute is. Open up, even about surface-level things. Offering up things about yourself is just as important as asking questions.
24. Meet up
Don’t take too long to ask to meet up. I wouldn’t do it immediately, but no longer than 2 weeks. Once you talk regularly for more than 2 weeks, you start creating expectations. You get more nervous.
You don’t need to plan an elaborate date. Ask if she would like to get a drink or coffee this weekend. Don’t make it too specific or general. Give a loose time and day and see what works from there. But don’t suggest, be bold and straight up ask. [Read: 5 Ways to Find Real Love Online]
25. Have fun!
Remember that above anything else, this is supposed to be fun! So, don’t get too stressed about it, and don’t worry if things don’t work out—there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Understanding how to talk to girls on Tinder is varying, and it can be hard to know which approach works best until you try a few of them out. Experiment with a few and figure out which approach you feel most comfortable with. Then get out there and happy Tindering!