Men who chase women lack the healthy amount of self respect that a man must have to have his proper place in the world.  A man’s proper place is where he has peace of mind, goals for the future, and is contributing positively to society.

A man whose in his proper place is in the position to have a woman in his life.  He’ll be able to attract a woman into his life.  And he’ll have the masculinity to maintain the integrity of the relationship.  If she decides to leave or he ends it, then he can get another woman if he so chooses.

That’s how it should be for a man.  However, many men in today’s era have gotten lazy.  Because life is convenient due to modern plumbing and technology, most men haven’t had to fight to survive.  The ones who have had to fight survive naturally become strong.  There’s also men with strong father figures or masculine role models who had someone to follow.

But without the need to survive or a male role model, the average man gets lazy.  When men get lazy they end up skipping steps and feel the need to chase women.

Chasing vs Pursuing

There’s a difference between chasing vs pursuing.  As a man, you’re generally going to make the first move.  That’s what pursuing is.  You walk up to the woman.  Or you DM her on IG or whatever app you’re on.  That’s what pursuing is, you making the first move.

Chasing women happens when you continue to initiate when she doesn’t reciprocate.   If you initiate and she reciprocates, then you can continue the interaction.

But if she doesn’t reciprocate, whether that’s a lack of a response or a lack of effort, you stop.

“Over Pursuing” is chasing

Stuck in my Wife's Friendzone: Becoming a beta in marriage

When you feel that you’re over-pursuing, you’re chasing women.  Call it as it is.

I get tons of emails from guys asking if they should back off from a woman that’s not showing much interest.  That’s probably the most common type of email I get.  Is from a guy who met a woman, and then within a few weeks he started chasing her hard.

Then he writes to me asking if he should leave her alone.  He’s wondering if he’s “over pursued”.

And the thing is that most guys are so desperate that they don’t even realize they chase women until they very end of the interaction.

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Examples of chasing

Let’s look at some common examples of chasing that I see often from desperate men:

  • Apologizing for something you didn’t do or that wasn’t your fault
  • Double texting
  • Telling a woman you’ll let her hit you up… but then you hit her up
  • A woman denying an offer to hang.. you still continuing to talk to her
  • Continuing to reassure a woman that you want to hang out / talk when she puts in no effort

All of these examples can be seen from an email I got below.  I’ve cut off the email address + name of the brother to protect his privacy.  All of the bullet points I list above are direct examples of him chasing from his email.

How many times do you count chasing in this email?

chasing example

As you can see in the email, this individual thinks he messed up near the end of the fling with this woman.  However, he messed up right in the beginning with the unnecessary apology.  From there, he never recovered and continued to chase this woman.  Every step of the way.

And unfortunately I get emails like this all the time.

Whenever a woman doesn’t reciprocate and you continue to engage, you’re chasing.

Men will get mad that women play games.  But you should only be mad because you play yourself.  Whenever you put yourself in a weak position with women, you show you have no self respect.  Women want a man who respects himself.

When you do things that make you weak, most women will lose interest.  It’s a simple concept.  It’s the natural order of things.

Why so many men chase women

alpha fucks vs beta bucks

This is why so many men continue to chase women.  They never develop their manhood.  The average man has no self respect.  That’s why he needs to learn “game” or come here for advice.

I could tell you to “don’t apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong” and “don’t double text”, like I pointed out earlier.  Then you can say “okay”, and remember not to apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong and remember not to double text.

But… instead of learning these tactics, guess what else you could do?  You could just develop basic self respect.

Men chase women because they have no self respect.  No confidence, no sense of worth.

Because if you had even a modest amount of respect for yourself, you’d naturally do all of the right things.  You’d naturally avoid apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong.  You’d naturally avoid double texting or calling / texting someone who doesn’t want you.

Instead of worrying so much about your specific actions in specific situations, look at them as signals.  If you constantly disrespect in small ways, that means you lack self respect.

Lack of self respect = not valuing yourself = chasing women

When you d0n’t value yourself, you have no self respect.  This is what manifests in most men as chasing women.  It can manifest in other forms, such as chasing some kind of validation from others in some kind of way.  But generally it leads to chasing women.

Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting or having a relationship / dating life.  That’s part of a normal desire for a man.  But when it becomes something that consumes you, you become obsessed and guided by your lust.  This is where it shows you have no self respect.  Chasing women isn’t apart of a man who respects himself.

A man who respects himself is chasing his purpose.  He may flirt with a pretty woman he encounters during his day.  No problem with that.  However, he’s not thinking about her after the interaction.  He’s focused on some kind of work that he’s dedicated to.

This is how most men have obtained self respect.  Through dedicating their time to something bigger than themselves.  When you’re focused on good work, this becomes the main goal of your life.  Whether you have 1 woman, whether you date different women, or whether you’re a celibate monk, it’s not a big deal.

It’s fine to have a relationship with a woman or have a dating life.  But, these things come after your purpose.

What are you hunting?

How to be a High Value Man - denzel washington

In the past, a man’s purpose was to hunt.  If you didn’t hunt, you’d die.  You think a man who hasn’t gotten a kill in a while is worried about the need to chase women?  No, because if he doesn’t hunt he’ll die.  And if he’s successful hunting, he’ll live.  The women come as a side benefit to him being able to hunt.

But whether he’s hunting with his tribe or by himself, he needs to be able to hunt, regardless of his relationship / dating / sex life.

When he’s able to hunt, he’ll have value and self respect.

In our modern society, the need to survive is largely gone.  While this results in much higher standards in living, it also results in weak men.  These men have nothing to hunt, yet are rewarded with life.  Therefore, when they engage with women, they don’t have the manhood to keep them.

They do things that are weak because they haven’t become strong.

If you want to be a strong man mentally, if you want to have manhood, you must have self respect.  Then you won’t feel the need to chase women.  You can pursue women as opportunities arise, but you don’t chase women.

Find something to hunt and stop making your dating life a big priority.  Build a business, or a career, or even build a motherfucking shed.  Do hard things that will benefit you financially, physically, and spiritually.  When you do things that increases your chances or survival and then thrival, you naturally obtain self respect.  Only then will you find yourself as a man.

Most importantly, learn how to be an alpha male and stop chasing women

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A counselor, Life coach and a friend who's ready to listen and provide answers to your questions. His priority is helping people realize their self worth and be strong emotionally. As an editor, contributor, and writer for over 100 online publications Johnnywriter has covered topics related to depression, anxiety, stress, grief, various phobias, relationships and difficult family circumstances. With an understanding that there is never too much information and helpful research about relationship problems in all of its forms, He continues to look for new and creative ways to both start discussions & engage with others about these important topics.

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