by Tafri Oghenetejiri Tessy
(An endless Question)
Are you a virgin?
Virginity is the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. There are cultural and religious traditions that place special value and significance on this state, predominantly towards unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth.
So now that we know what virginity is, let’s look at what qualifies you to be a virgin.
A virgin as we said is someone who’s never had sex but it’s not quite as simple as it seems. That’s because sex means different things to different people, so virginity can mean different things, too.
A lot of people think that having penis-in-vagina sex for the first time is how you lose your virginity. But this leaves a lot of people and other types of sex out of the picture. Some people haven’t had penis-in-vagina sex, but they’ve had other kinds of sex like oral sex or anal sex and they may or may not see themselves as virgins. And there are lesbian, gay, bisexual, pan sexual people who may never have penis-in-vagina sex at all. But they probably don’t see themselves as lifelong virgins just because they haven’t had penis-in-vagina sex.
To me stressing about whether you’re a virgin is way less important than how you feel about your sexual experience
So, are you a virgin?
This is a question that is usually asked in the society today. In my own opinion I believe that it is wrong to ask such a question. I know you might have your own reason for asking which I totally wont disagree with you because we all see things in different perspectives, after all that’s what makes each and every one of us unique in our own way. Just as I said earlier, in my own opinion this question shouldn’t be asked and if you are wondering why then I have something spectacular for you.
Reason Why It Should Not Be Asked.
This question should not be asked because considering the fact that the person involved might be telling lies or not, you wouldn’t know. Virginity is not written on our forehead neither can it be easily seen or observed through human intelligence and psychological observation. Some people even went extra mile to say that when you see a virgin you will know, like really? I had a friend who was a virgin but her behavior was quite opposite because everyone thought that since she was the craziest and naughtiest girl and due to her behavior and the kind of things flushed out of her mouth there was no possibility of Stella being a virgin. Stella love talking about sex, she knows a lot about sex more than those who were actually doing it, yet Stella was a virgin. Virginity is not something that’s planted on the face or that be judged through our behavioral reflection of our character.
It is supposed to be confidential. It deals with an individual personal life, which makes it a private issue. There is a reason why it is called virginity. Which to my own understanding virginity is the state of never having ‘’had’’ sexual intercourse.
It gets to me so much, when a girl ask her fellow girl the question “Are you a virgin”? It won’t be a great surprise to me if a boy should ask the question because boys are the ones so much interested in sex (though vice-versa in most cases), and sometimes they ask to confirm so as to know what their next plan would be or where to place you. (As some guys believe that virgins are the good ones but in most cases this assumption is wrong). Virginity has nothing to do with behavior and our character. And for girls they just want to make a mockery of their fellow girl(s) that’s why the question is usually asked.
Reasons Why It Should Not Be Answered
It is a personal issue and it is nobody’s business. Earlier on I said it was a confidential issue and things that are confidential are not supposed to be given random answers to.
Secondly; it is likely to ruin your self-esteem: when a girl ask her fellow girl if she is a virgin and her answer is yes, they make her feel she is not grown yet (this happens a lot in our society especially when surrounded with bad people) and she is still a kid. If her answer is no, the ones that pretend to be Christians will definitely condemn her. This will ruin her self esteem.
Lastly; when a boy asks this question, it is usually because of his own personal motive “sex”. If you are a virgin some boys will not want to get involve with you except on exceptional cases though. And if you are not a virgin, it is an opportunity (according to some people) for the opposite sex to execute their plan without asking further question.
Non virgins: The fact that you are not a virgin anymore is not the end of the world, do not let anyone belittle you, God has the final say in our life that is If you can choose to abstain from sexual immoral act and make your body the place for the holy spirit to dwell in (1cor 6:19) .
Virgins: let me begin with congratulations to you all. In times like this, is very difficult to still find female virgins so when I come in contact with them, I really appreciate them. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise, your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. (1cor6:19).
There is a saying that goes that if you are a virgin; your husband will respect you. Respect is base on individual because a man who respects you will do that base on his love for you and because he has the fear of God in him and not because you are a virgin. So if you are going to be keeping yourself, please do it because it is the right thing to do as it has been commanded by God and not because of the societal influence or value placed on “virginity” .(1cor6:18).
God loves us, and the only way you can reciprocate His love is by loving Him and you can love God by obeying God’s word.
To me stressing about whether you’re a virgin is way less important than how you feel about your self-value and worth.
Are you a virgin?
A question that will have no end………………..
Tafri Oghenetejiri Tessy