Having a needy girlfriend can feel suffocating. After all, there’s a difference between being sweet and needy. But how do you deal with someone needy? I have 20 Signs of a Needy Girlfriend & the Best Ways to Love Her Better
We know what you’re thinking. The minute you see the smallest signs of a needy girlfriend, she’s automatically branded a stage five clinger, and you’re thinking of ways to get rid of her. But what if you’ve been dating for a while, and this behavior has been a fresh development?
A needy girlfriend drives you nuts, you think she’s crazy *whatever that means*, and you wonder where the girl you met went. It’s never easy to have a needy girlfriend because it feels suffocating and, well, she’ll drive you insane. However, there are loving ways to deal with a clingy girlfriend instead of getting rid of her right off the bat!
Why does a girl become needy?
First and foremost, a girl becomes needy because she’s insecure. For whatever reason, she became insecure in the relationship. Maybe she’s jealous, maybe she feels threatened, maybe she doesn’t feel loved, or maybe she feels like you’re going to leave her any minute.
A needy girlfriend is someone who’s evidently scared to lose you, so she attaches herself to you even more. She doesn’t realize the error in her actions that the more she becomes needy, the more she’ll drive you away.
Another reason for neediness is because of something from her past. Maybe there’s a trauma or terrible childhood she hasn’t dealt with yet, and that’s why she’s more needy and clingy to you.
Signs of a needy girlfriend
When you’re dealing with a needy girlfriend, it’s essential to identify the signs of a needy girlfriend. Otherwise, you might confuse neediness with your girlfriend just showing affection and love, or simply having a bad day.
Here are some of the signs you should watch out for.
1. She doesn’t give you space
It’s pretty obvious that one of the signs of a needy girlfriend is when she takes it personally when you ask for a bit of space. Whether it’s some mandatory me time or going out with your own friends, she just has to be there 24/7.
If you do ask her *even in a nice way*, she’ll take it personally and get angry with you. She equates space as you not loving her anymore or being in love with someone else!
2. She texts and calls you all the time
Communication will always be a vital part of any relationship; that’s a fact. However, there’s also a massive difference between communicating with you and flooding you with texts and calls.
Even if she’s not contributing anything useful to the conversation, she keeps flooding your phone with notifications. If this isn’t an evident sign of a clingy girlfriend, we don’t know what else is.
3. Your entire life must revolve around her
Codependency is very unhealthy in relationships, but it’s something that needy girlfriends don’t care about. They’ll attach themselves to you and force you to revolve your life around them.
So everything you do must involve her, including your plans, trips, and hangouts with your friends. Even if she’s not invited, she’ll invite herself to whatever plan you have at the moment. [Read: 5 Undeniable Signs It’s Time To Break Up With Someone Immediately]
4. She demands time and attention 24/7
As important as quality time is, it’s unrealistic and impractical to give it 24/7. One of the signs of a needy girlfriend is when she wants to spend time with you all the time, in whatever manner possible.
If even for a few minutes your attention is elsewhere, she gets frustrated and angry at you. Even when you consistently make time for dates with her, that isn’t enough for her.
5. She feels threatened if you have a life without her
This all goes back to revolving your life around her. If you try to live an independent life, she feels threatened. Maybe it’s traveling with your family or following your career, both of which don’t involve her.
She’ll feel threatened and start thinking badly about your relationship. This is just one of the apparent signs of a needy girlfriend you should watch out for.
6. She always needs reassurance
Whether you’re someone whose love language is words of affirmation or not, reassurance is normal in a relationship – healthy even. But what makes a needy girlfriend different from an average girlfriend is when she always needs reassurance, all the time.
Even if you’re just basically repeating everything you’ve already told her and reiterate how much you love her almost every day, she needs to hear the same set of words from you over and over again. This is also another sign of insecurity, which is why she’s being so needy.
7. Her self-worth is tied to your relationship
On a particularly good day in your relationship, she’s in a good mood. She’s secure and perhaps even not as needy. But when things go sour, that’s when a needy girlfriend attaches herself to you even more.
Maybe you’ve just had a bad day, but she’s assuming that your mood is affected because you don’t love her anymore! This results in her insecurities once again, even if you try to tell her that it’s really not her fault.
8. She doesn’t want to be alone
It’s one of the evident signs of a needy girlfriend when she’s incapable of being alone. Even if you’re just leaving for the weekend, she can’t stand the fact that she’ll be alone or away from you.
You’ll realize this if she always surrounds herself with other people when you’re not around. The bottom line is that she’s never alone, nor does she try to be alone, because she can’t stand being all by herself.
9. She’s an attention-seeker
Look, we don’t mean to speak badly about your girlfriend. But if your girlfriend is needy, she’s also probably an attention-seeker *even when she doesn’t know it herself*.
She’ll do everything to grab your attention, even if it means trying too hard and pretending to be someone she isn’t.
10. She’s not keen on giving
A relationship should always be mutual, no matter what. Even if it can’t always be perfectly 50/50, both parties should have a constant distribution of give and take.
One of the signs of a needy girlfriend is demanding what she wants from you, without ever thinking about what she could give back to the relationship. In other words, she’s only out for herself.
How to deal with a needy girlfriend and help her feel secure
In most cases, clinginess is a huge sign of insecurity. When people do not feel secure, they try to grab onto something that provides validation, in this case, it’s you. They need to feel secure in the relationship, so they suffocate you and act “crazy.”
So, this isn’t only about them, this is also a great opportunity to look at yourself and how you act in the relationship. She may be crazy, yes, but perhaps, there is a very good possibility that you’re not being a very good boyfriend as well!
1. Are you following through with your promises?
When you two started to see each other, you probably told her you wanted to go on a road trip or you sent her goodnight texts every night. But now, those beautiful offers dwindled and you don’t text her every night like you used to. You made a pattern and then broke it.
So, naturally, she assumes something between you two has changed. Basically, if you say you’re going to do something, do it.
Inconsistency is the number one trigger of a needy girlfriend, so be consistent, especially with your actions.
2. Keep her involved in your world
When you stop telling her about your day or random thoughts, it makes her feel distant, as if she’s not really in your life. If you think about her, send her a text and let her know. Just a simple text will do as you don’t need to send her an entire paragraph on what’s happening.
Women love being in the loop, and that’s precisely how you can deal with a needy girlfriend. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but texting her every now and then gives her the comfort that you’re still into her.
3. Talk to her about it
Communication is key. We’ll say it again—you need to communicate. If you feel like she’s behaving in a clingy manner, tell her. Of course, tell her nicely. This is why communication is at the heart of a relationship.
When problems like these occur, you can talk with one another and encourage each other to grow and become better. Let her know that there’s no need for her to feel this way and then ask her what she needs from you in order for her to feel more secure with the relationship.
4. Take responsibility
You allowed this behavior to continue to a point where you can no longer handle it. But remember, you allowed it. You may have thought it was cute in the beginning. But as time passed, you became annoyed.
During this time, you probably didn’t treat her very nicely but it’s time you took responsibility.
Maybe all she needs from you is you treating her nicer than usual. She’s your girlfriend so maybe her being needy is also her just wanting to be treated the way she wants.
5. Be patient
Insecurity doesn’t just go away overnight. This isn’t going to be one “I love you” text message and everything will be fine. You’re going to have to work on building security within the relationship.
This also means that you need to be patient and not get angry when she relapses to a needy girlfriend. This might not be easy for you, but it won’t be easy for her, either. So patience is the key to dealing with a needy girlfriend.
6. Be consistent
You need to show consistency. Have date night every Friday or send her a good morning text when you wake up. Show her that you’re invested in the relationship. She’s insecure for a reason. Again, consistency is so important when you’re dealing with a needy girlfriend.
Without this, it might just trigger her needy nature once again. So consistency is sometimes all the assurance a needy girlfriend needs to feel secure.
7. Don’t play games
Your girlfriend is already needy and insecure enough, so you don’t need to add even more insecurities by playing games with her.
This happens to men who aren’t upfront and honest with their intentions right from the beginning. And, of course, as usual, they end up calling her a crazy bitch because she’s calling and texting him all the time.
So if you want her to be secure and confident in your relationship, don’t play games with her. Tell her what the relationship is and what your intentions are, right from the beginning.
8. Set boundaries
If her clinginess suffocates you, when you sit down with her to talk, you need to set boundaries. If she tells you that you need to text her every hour in order for her to feel secure, that’s not going to work for the relationship.
It doesn’t make you a bad person for setting boundaries; it just makes you human. In fact, boundaries are part of any healthy relationship, so make sure to set them when needed.
9. When you two are out together, let her know you’re there
If you two are at a club with your friends, you don’t need to spend the whole night side by side. However, every once in a while, check in with her and give her a kiss on the cheek or look at her from across the room. Acknowledge her existence and make her feel loved the best way you can.
If you ignore her, she’ll feel useless and irritated by you, which will trigger her to become the needy girlfriend that suffocates you. To avoid this from happening, a simple acknowledgment will help.
10. Notice the small things
Maybe she cut her hair or bought a new shirt. Though these things are trivial, if you notice them, it shows her that you’re paying attention to her. It’s easy.
Compliment her on the details you notice about her. If you do, it tells a lot and gives her the security she needs and makes the needy girlfriend in her disappear.
You’ll be surprised just how a simple compliment can reassure your girlfriend and give her what she needs to feel secure in your relationship.
11. She’s not crazy
The odds are very low that she’s actually insane. She’s not. You’re simply NOT providing her with anything to validate how you feel for her. You don’t need to put a ring on it, but you do need to show her you care about her. All a needy girlfriend needs is to feel loved and cared for.
So when you keep messing with her feelings and act inconsistently without even giving her the bare minimum, guess what? She’s bound to act needy.
So, how to deal with a needy girlfriend?
You can deal with a needy girlfriend by providing her with the best love, care, and patience you can give her.
Neediness can often stem from insecurity, so you need to help her overcome that insecurity by reminding her that her worst fears aren’t going to happen.
Now that you know all the signs of a needy girlfriend, it’s time you actually did both of you a favor by following these steps. But if the damage is too much with her neediness, perhaps it’s time to decide which necessary steps to take in your relationship.