After my last break up in college (As written on my article “What I learnt after my first breakup in college” ) it was as if my world came to an end, I was devastated and down. I understand how you feel right now, I completely do but this is a stage everyone in one way or the other needs to experience. The craziest thing is that I didn’t know how to get over it but after I dated someone else my heart got broken more than four times, meaning I experienced more than four breakups. Finally I was able to move on from those I love if the relationship wasn’t healthy or if there was a breakup.
Letting go of someone you still love is hard to do, trust me. You cannot imagine living your life without that person in it. This is the reason why there are people who snap because of too much depression, lose the will to live a productive life, or worst, commit suicide.
However, the fact that you are reading this article means you want to fight off the pain, move on, and continue living your life. That is a good thing. It may be a hard journey, but at least, you are on your way to moving on.
Here are 15 ways that will help you move even if you still love your ex.
1. Do your best to fight for your love.
A friend once told me, if you love the person fight for him/her as hard as you can—until you get tired of fighting. Being prideful, I found it foolish. However, I realized she was right. If you really love the person, do not give up on him/her immediately. No matter how stupid it seems, fight for your love. You may not succeed in getting him/her back, but at least you know you have done your best to save your relationship. This will help you avoid regrets in the future.
2. Accept that s/he is gone.
If fighting for your ex does not bring him/her back, you have to proceed to the next step which is acceptance. Since there is nothing you can do to restore your relationship, you have to accept the reality that it is all over. Denying this fact would not help you a bit. That is why you need to condition your mind that s/he is not coming back.
3. Think that if you are meant to be, s/he will come back someday.
This is different from holding on. You just open yourself to possibilities. To make it easier for you to accept that s/he is gone, just believe that if the two of you are meant to end up with each other, someday you will get back together. Leave everything to destiny—that is your only hope, whether you like it or not because you already did your part and nothing happened.
4. Let go of memories and the things that remind you of him/her.
I know this is hard to do, but if you are serious about forgetting the person, you need to courageously let go of everything that connects you including the memories. Stop reminiscing about your good times together, because it would only hurt a lot. Return his/her things, and throw or burn those s/he gave you, unless keeping them does not affect you much.
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5. Direct your focus to other important areas in your life.
Life is not all about love and romance. That means you can still live even if you have no boyfriend/girlfriend. Divert your attention to other areas such as career and personality development. Look at how many career-oriented people set aside romance so they can focus on becoming successful. Maybe this kind of perspective can suit you for now.
6. Deactivate your social media for the meantime.
One of the temptations of brokenhearted people is stalking their ex. Admit it, you cannot resist the urge of checking the social media accounts of your ex, because you miss him/her (I used to do this a lot ). You want to know how s/he is doing and if s/he gives away any hint of missing you too. How can you move on, then? To avoid this, decide to go on online hiatus for months or until such time you can resist the temptation already.
7. Stop communicating with his/her family or friends.
You might keep on reaching out to your ex’s relatives or friends hoping the contact can help you stay close to him/her. It is like asking for reinforcement from them to help you get back together. However, if your ex gets mad knowing about it, then it is a sign you need to stop. Plus, you only make it hard for you to forget him/her.
8. Find someone you can talk to about your feelings.
Having someone who would patiently listen to your whines and cries even if you are only talking about the same thing is therapeutic. At this point, you need less advice. What you need is a listening ear so you can express your feelings without judgment. Find a family member or friend whom you can trust and who understands what you are going through.
9. Do not rush moving on.
I know you want to forget the pain as soon as possible, but it does not happen that way. Be patient with yourself. The more you try to move on faster, the harder it gets. You cannot force a wound to heal fast, right? The moment you think it has healed because it already dried up and you peel its skin, blood comes out again.
10. Avoid being alone.
Depression is a common effect of heartbreak—and you probably know how it can be devastating. To avoid getting depressed or to overcome it, always surround yourself with people. If you are staying in your own place alone, find a friend to stay with you for a while, or if possible go home to your family. They will surely understand.
11. Be physically active.
I have been repeating this in my other articles—you should engage in physical activities. Do regular exercise or find a sport you can enjoy. Aside from the enjoyment which helps you forget about your pain for the moment, it will help your body release endorphin—a pain reliever hormone.
12. Just focus on other people important to you.
Your ex is not the only person you love, right? You still have your family and friends. Just direct your effort and care to these people. They are the ones who stay with you at this hard time, so they deserve to be treated special. Spend time with them, especially your family.
13. Focus on loving yourself.
Aside from your family and friends, you, yourself, deserve your love as well. Instead of thinking you are unlovable because your ex left you, be the first one to encourage yourself. Eat healthily, get enough sleep, and avoid stress, so you will stay fit. Pamper yourself and be attractive—not for anyone else but for yourself.
14. Find a new passion.
Romance is not the only thing that can keep you passionate. Discover your talents and interests. Use this opportunity to find what you are good at. Maybe you can have a new hobby like painting or playing instruments. Focus your thoughts and energy on it, so you will feel productive. This will help you avoid depression.
15. Be happy for your ex.
If you still love your ex, it means you have to be selfless about his/her happiness. Even if it hurts, pray for him/her to be happy in the new chapter of his/her life—even if without you. Love is not self-seeking. You should want the best for the person you love, even if it is a sacrifice on your part.
Consciously decide to be happy.
There are bad circumstances you cannot stop from happening, because you cannot control everything. However, you can do something about your response to what happens around you. Therefore, instead of allowing depression and loneliness to suffocate you, strengthen your will to decide to be happy. As the cliché goes, happiness is a choice. Decide to look at the bright side always. It is easier said than done, but it is not impossible.
There is life after a breakup
There are still other things you can do even if you have lost the person you love. Do not allow the pain to stop you from living. Live for those who constantly love you. Live to pursue your dreams. Live for yourself. You are strong and special trust me. You have a lot to accomplish in life. Don’t let your emotions stop you. Just because They left you doesn’t mean they are bad people, forgive yourself and forgive them so you can move on.
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